Sometimes I wonder if all the attention autism is getting nowadays is a good thing, or whether it will end up backfiring on us. It's really hard to explain to someone what exactly autism is, and how it makes you (the autistic person) different from non-autistic persons, or to use the current jargon, neurotypicals. And I am afraid the more information that is out there the worse it will get.
Because people like to generalize. And if what they hear or read about autism consists mainly of what we are NOT capable of, then I am afraid that this may not be a good thing. Most people are superficial and don't have the time or interest to delve deeply into the subject. So, if they read that autistic people have very rigid requirements and are prone to meltdowns when those requirements are not met, they are not likely to question it.
There is an autistic boy at my church, I think he is about 8 or 9. He has to have things in a certain order or all hell breaks loose. I'm not kidding. One day it was about the juice. Someone had either forgotten to put the juice out when they put the coffee out or some other deviation, I don't know what it was, but here he was shrieking at the top of his lungs. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" For him, it was a world-class tragedy that he didn't get his juice exactly when he required it.
Now when I was growing up (bear with me) we had another name for kids like that. We didn't call them autistic or cut them any slack. That kid would have been taken by the arm, escorted out and given a little physical therapy on his behind.
But now people say, that's so and so, he's autistic, that's why he's that way, and so they cut him some slack. They don't hold him accountable the way they hold other children accountable. BECAUSE HE IS NOT CAPABLE. He doesn't realize it yet, being a little boy, but by giving him that label society has said, we don't have high expectations of you.
Ok, he is just a kid and I had meltdowns a plenty growing up. The difference was that when I had them there were immediate and unpleasant consequences for them. I was actually told that if I did not shape up then I would be placed in the state hospital where they knew how to take care of kids like me, because obviously I was not capable of living out in society. And I knew this was no empty bluff.
Because it has now been well-established by science that we on the spectrum are not capable of empathy, are not capable of getting into another person's head (theory of mind), that we cannot read or understand social cues, etc., etc., etc., it is not anybody's fault. It's simply a matter of brain wiring. So therefore we cannot be responsible. We cannot help ourselves.
One of the things my bosses repeatedly tell me is that I must consider the effect my words have on others. But hey, I'm on the spectrum! I can't do that. But if I were to tell them that, they would then say, perhaps you might want to reconsider being employed here. Perhaps this job is not a good fit for you. Let me tell you, when a boss tells you that, they are saying that they want you to quit to save them the trouble of firing you. They can't come out and directly say that for a number of reasons. But they are definitely trying to nudge you to the door. And then what happens later on when someone else who is openly autistic applies for that same job? Are they going to be hired? Probably not. Because we all know autistic people can't handle certain types of jobs.
I think in order for us to be accepted, we have to take responsibility. If there are areas that we are weak in, then those are the areas we need to work hardest on. Unfortunately, it is all too common, especially for those of us who are younger, to resist guidance. We are so caught up in our autistic mind-set that we bristle at the least suggestion that maybe we do have something to learn, something that could change. And you know what, the world will say, ok, fine. We will let you go your own way and do your own thing. And they do.
Because people like to generalize. And if what they hear or read about autism consists mainly of what we are NOT capable of, then I am afraid that this may not be a good thing. Most people are superficial and don't have the time or interest to delve deeply into the subject. So, if they read that autistic people have very rigid requirements and are prone to meltdowns when those requirements are not met, they are not likely to question it.
There is an autistic boy at my church, I think he is about 8 or 9. He has to have things in a certain order or all hell breaks loose. I'm not kidding. One day it was about the juice. Someone had either forgotten to put the juice out when they put the coffee out or some other deviation, I don't know what it was, but here he was shrieking at the top of his lungs. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" For him, it was a world-class tragedy that he didn't get his juice exactly when he required it.
Now when I was growing up (bear with me) we had another name for kids like that. We didn't call them autistic or cut them any slack. That kid would have been taken by the arm, escorted out and given a little physical therapy on his behind.
But now people say, that's so and so, he's autistic, that's why he's that way, and so they cut him some slack. They don't hold him accountable the way they hold other children accountable. BECAUSE HE IS NOT CAPABLE. He doesn't realize it yet, being a little boy, but by giving him that label society has said, we don't have high expectations of you.
Ok, he is just a kid and I had meltdowns a plenty growing up. The difference was that when I had them there were immediate and unpleasant consequences for them. I was actually told that if I did not shape up then I would be placed in the state hospital where they knew how to take care of kids like me, because obviously I was not capable of living out in society. And I knew this was no empty bluff.
Because it has now been well-established by science that we on the spectrum are not capable of empathy, are not capable of getting into another person's head (theory of mind), that we cannot read or understand social cues, etc., etc., etc., it is not anybody's fault. It's simply a matter of brain wiring. So therefore we cannot be responsible. We cannot help ourselves.
One of the things my bosses repeatedly tell me is that I must consider the effect my words have on others. But hey, I'm on the spectrum! I can't do that. But if I were to tell them that, they would then say, perhaps you might want to reconsider being employed here. Perhaps this job is not a good fit for you. Let me tell you, when a boss tells you that, they are saying that they want you to quit to save them the trouble of firing you. They can't come out and directly say that for a number of reasons. But they are definitely trying to nudge you to the door. And then what happens later on when someone else who is openly autistic applies for that same job? Are they going to be hired? Probably not. Because we all know autistic people can't handle certain types of jobs.
I think in order for us to be accepted, we have to take responsibility. If there are areas that we are weak in, then those are the areas we need to work hardest on. Unfortunately, it is all too common, especially for those of us who are younger, to resist guidance. We are so caught up in our autistic mind-set that we bristle at the least suggestion that maybe we do have something to learn, something that could change. And you know what, the world will say, ok, fine. We will let you go your own way and do your own thing. And they do.
