• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

My Confessions as a subpar student

  • Author Author Geordie
  • Create date Create date
  • Blog entry read time Blog entry read time 2 min read
I admit passively aggressive to most other people, I always wanted to beat others soundly, because I just don't like some things, and I have found no viable way to speak out loudly against them, as I'd like to, since we are living in a mostly conformist culture in my society.

Perhaps I should look beyond my mental mindset, and to say this loud and clear:

I don't see the point of studying hard. In my mental model.

Studying hard means continuation of torture.

How can I give 100% when I know this is not what I am doing?

I am only in school because I am expected to by various forces (Dad, Mom, my siblings etc.) And my parents talked me out of doing some idealistic social sciences degree course, so I dropped out from it even though I loved it, because 'they bring no jobs'.

But as an alternative, I found that I have little practical skills and networking for real employment anyway, and I admit having a sucky attitude, I don't feel like networking even though there is considerable encouragements to do so in school.

In short, I'm at a loss. I can't work, I can't do school, so what do I bring?

In my life, I just want to enjoy life, party and drink, and then live fast, die young.

Perhaps God has a purpose for me, like the possibility of me changing the world I live in with compassion and love, provided by my experiences with my internal struggles with pain.

How can I not be passively aggressive, and unintentionally hurt others? I feel I am already wasting many years in my life.

Perhaps, with God's love and help, I can overcome my own pain, and stop inflicting unnecessary pain on others.

Comments

I certainly hope that you can overcome your pain because I see a young man who has a LOT to offer his country even if his country doesn't realize it. I am reading about Susan B. Anthony who struggled for DECADES to get women the vote and died without ever realizing her goal. Yet, because she did not give up ("Failure is Impossible" was her motto) women like myself can enjoy rights and privileges she only dreamed of. So you don't know what your work will lead to even if you don't see the goal. Likewise Dr. Martin Luther King said just before he was shot that he might not make it to the Promised Land with the rest of his people but he could see it from the mountaintop.

But please don't give up on education. Because not having an education makes it easier for those in power to control you. Look at all the groups that have been denied education. Betty Friedan talked about the "feminine mystique" and how women just surrendered their power and autonomy in the service of a false god. I believe that there is a "disability mystique" which is just as firmly entrenched. If you give up on education and give yourself to partying you are only confirming the world's opinion. I believe that you will be a leader someday in the Singaporean community--in some ways you already are.
 
This comment couldn't have been more timely. I was about to drop out of my current course, currently not recognised by the Singapore government but recognised elsewhere. Maybe, eventually, my degree will be recognised as it is. I'll continue to keep on learning as much as I can, in school and on the job.
 

Blog entry information

Author
Geordie
Read time
2 min read
Views
929
Comments
2
Last update

More entries in General

  • Messages
    I gave it my all during today's 1:1 PT session at the gym. It was tough, but he was happy that I...
  • A trip to the woods
    A trip into the local Fens and Nine Acre Woods. Ed
  • Today's first solo gym session
    Gym session went well. Given how sore my muscles were, I'm surprised that I could do 3 sets of...
  • First solo trip
    This muscle soreness is going to make today's first solo gym session a case of mind over matter...
  • Tonight I trance
    I give an offering of some of my water each time I visit the old oak tree. Respect your elders...

More entries from Geordie

Share this entry

Top Bottom