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Dad Jokes

NDR2 said:
Dad jokes are described as wholesome jokes with punchlines that are often predictable puns or plays on words - thought of as type of joke that a father would tell. I have a silly sense of humor, so I do tend to find those kinds of jokes funny (although the kinds of jokes my own father would make were cringeworthy). If you know any dad jokes, feel free to share them here.

I’ll start with a couple:

What do you call a man who lies about being a father?

A faux pa.


Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

He was outstanding in his field.
Click to expand...
At a funeral, the minister asked if any family or friends of the deceased would like to say a word. A distinguished looking grey haired man got up and made his way to the coffin side. He looked down at his deceased friend, then out at the attendees. He cleared is throat and in a pleasant, clear voice said "Plethora". He then started back to his seat.
As he passed the widow, she looked up with tears in her eyes and said, "Thank you. That means a lot."
 
One of my old jobs was as the Official Geologist at a Nevada brothel. Whenever somebody got their rocks off, I did a geological analysis.
 
Why did the father spider tell his son to go out and play?

He was spending too much time on the web.
 
What's the difference between a post office box and an elephant's bum?

Not sending you to post a letter then, am I?
 
I keep accidentally making my own. A guy at work came in the room yesterday and said, "hey, three guesses who I met this weekend?" I blurted out, "Rumpelstiltskin!" Dude just frowned, then laughed and had to walk back out of the room.
 
We're all worried, my grandad accidentally took a month's supply of Viagra last week!

No-one's taking it harder than grandma
 
My date gave me a list of all the things she wanted to do for her 32nd birthday. I said to her, “There’s no way we could do all this in 30 seconds.”
 
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Confuscious say: Man who continuously have hand in pocket not necessarily looking for handkerchief.

Confuscious say: Man who continuously have hand in pocket always on the ball.

But Confuscious also say: Man who have hand in other man's pocket not feeling himself today.
 
What does it mean when your head feels warm, your feet feel cold, and you're seeing spots before your eyes?

It means you're wearing a polka-dot sock over your head.
 
I got fired from my job at the bank today. A customer asked me to check her balance, and I pushed her over.
 
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