People with Aspergers don't...or can't lie?

[epath13]

What do you think about that?
I don't know what to think. When I was a kid I lied a lot. My parents taught me that sometimes it's OK to do that so I didn't feel any guilt. My lies were necessary, that's what I thought. Kids couldn't get enough of my stories so I told them, that's what they wanted... but I do think that some people on the spectrum are not able to lie, it might not make sense to them. It always have to make sense... What would you say something that is not fact? But I could defend my lies by saying, - how do you know what fact is. It is simply a matter of perception
I noticed that my son does the same thing... but it's not like he lies because he has some plan or something but just for fun... so weird ...

What do you guys think about lying? Does it make sense to you? And there's different types of lie obviously. You can... I don't know cheat on your partner and that eventually can hurt him/ her... or you can say that your friend's favorite crazy shirt looks nice even if you don't think that.
I mean there's a lot of grey in there and people on the spectrum are not big fans of grey... if you know what I mean. I think that most of us prefer clarity in terms and conditions of life...

What do you think?

 

[klaatu]

lying has never been possible for me. just cannot do it. really is a problem. i'm a black and white humanoid and gray just confuses me. my animal friends
veterinarian has tried to teach me truths, like all women weigh 100 lbs., their butts never look BIG, those kind of things. she's lying. i can't do it.

oh, how i wish i could. how much easier day to day existence would be.

 

[Occasional_Demon]

I don't outright lie - actually, sometimes I have a problem with the filter between my brain and my mouth, so I tend to blurt out the first thing on my mind. Case in point - I was on a fishing trip on the beach and when we were talking about packing up and getting our gear for our BBQ instead, I said immediately, "Yes, because I'm bored and ****ing cold". I'm fortunate to have understanding friends.

However, I can hold back if I don't necessarily with someone's views - so, not directly lying but more of an indirect lie. So, if someone asked me if their dress looked nice and I disagreed, I'll probably just go, "Hmm," and be vague, rather than outright saying, "No".

 

[kasmanaft08]

What do you think about that?
I don't know what to think. When I was a kid I lied a lot. My parents taught me that sometimes it's OK to do that so I didn't feel any guilt. My lies were necessary, that's what I thought. Kids couldn't get enough of my stories so I told them, that's what they wanted... but I do think that some people on the spectrum are not able to lie, it might not make sense to them. It always have to make sense... What would you say something that is not fact? But I could defend my lies by saying, - how do you know what fact is. It is simply a matter of perception
I noticed that my son does the same thing... but it's not like he lies because he has some plan or something but just for fun... so weird ...
What do you think?

I think I know what you mean about you and your son, I'm pretty sure I did the same exact thing as a kid. I never lied "seriously", only as a part of some social character or pretend thing, and it was never over anything important. It was always whatever I felt people wanted to hear. I almost thought it was just part of being social, I had a hard time believing anyone was really themselves. I really didn't care. It hurt no one and it was briefly entertaining and made me appear normal.

I did grow out of it, though. There's an age where people start to notice it and it get's embarrassing and loses it's fun. Now I'm super-honest about everything, regardless of whether people like it or not. I just stopped caring about what people thought, is really what changed, I think. Plus it's a lot of work to come up with new stories, keep up with old ones, etc. Not worth it.

The strange this is, if it's an important lie or something with an agenda I'm really quite horrible at it. I'm also quit horrible at hiding my emotions. Both requires awareness of your own and other's body language to pull of seriously, which I'm not so great at. The silly lies just required a bit of theater and that's it, if it makes any sense.

So yeah, overall, I'm just bad at it. Haha.

 

[Craggle]

I'm bad at lying. If someone tells me a secret or tells me something and not to tell anyone else I will. I don't think it's because I'm harsh or nasty, I just feel I can't hold onto it without telling someone. Plus if I get asked if I know something I just start laughing without control and that is a common sign I've got something to hide.

 

[epath13]

Plus if I get asked if I know something I just start laughing without control and that is a common sign I've got something to hide.

I know that feeling

 

[epath13]

The strange this is, if it's an important lie or something with an agenda I'm really quite horrible at it. I'm also quit horrible at hiding my emotions. Both requires awareness of your own and other's body language to pull of seriously, which I'm not so great at. The silly lies just required a bit of theater and that's it, if it makes any sense.

So yeah, overall, I'm just bad at it. Haha.

I don't like lying nowadays, even about small things but sometimes I feel I have to do it to avoid problems. But in that case I have to keep repeating that it isn't really a lie, just the truth that's been altered a little But I also pretty bad at hiding my emotions, people keep telling me that whatever I think or feel is always written on my face One thing that I hate the most is to say that I like something when I actually don't, like somebody's dress for instance or maybe even something more serious than that. I came up with a solution that works most of the time - no matter how much I dislike something (unless it's obviously disgusting) I just try to find a positive or/ and attractive side of it and mention that. It also helps when I start judging someone just by the way he/ she looks or behaves. I don't like being judged by the way I look and behave so why should I do the same to other people? Unless I'm in a horrible mood I try to give people a break and use the same "method".

 

[Spinning Compass]

I don't like to lie, and it is not something that comes easily to me. Mostly I lie to smooth over awkward situations or to avoid hurting people. It's more like telling people what they want to hear; when I tell the truth I'm not believed or I run into opposition. I feel like there are times when I have to lie, for survival.

 

[King_Oni]

I have problem with lying and even more so when it's almost mandatory in certain situations.

One could say I lack a mouth/brain filter, but then again... why can't I point out the... well... obvious? If I have a choice to blurt out the truth, I will. Otherwise don't dig for the truth.

I've probably hurt people with telling the truth, however... they'd find out eventually. And I hate to hurt people because they thought I wasn't honest.

A thing that does annoy me to death, that, if people don't know me very well, they tend to think I make stuff up. People that know me, know that the weirdest and most over the top stories that come from my mouth are true. In effect some people tend to lie to make themselves look even better, by creating something that's a big hoax and full of factual and continuity errors. I once pointed that out and he just told me "man... don't bother about the details". Why shouldn't I bother about details if you point them out?

 

[inflammablefish]

Tony Attwood has written that when a person with Asperger's realizes they can deceive people by lying to avoid possible perceived consequences of actions they have committed, they start doing so and some (like myself) get caught in this endless lying spiral where first line of defense is a lie even when we know that lying will get you in more trouble than just telling the truth.

 

[Gomendosi]

I find myself in a predicament where, if someone asks, I tell.
Their all like, what did you say that for? and I just tell them that if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask me.

If you want me to sugar coat everything for you that comes out of my mouth then you don’t need to get to know me, cause I will answer your questions and I tell the truth and that combination horrifies and frightens some people as they have established a pattern of associating with people that will tell them what they want to hear.

I actually had a lady in my shop today tell me that she thought it was brilliant that I would rather miss out on a sale than lie about a product and I told her that by doing that the customers know I am on the level and so they will come back to me as I am honest, therefore, one missed sale turns into ten sales for me. She was impressed and said that old fashioned salesmanship was still appreciated by some people but, I have also been told I am stupid and a dinosaur and that I am hurting my bosses profit margin, but how come then I am still employed and selling well.

Honesty gets overlooked, sugar coated, manipulated, twisted, talked over and put down, but in the end if you are honest with yourself at the very least, then it is still alive and kicking.

Now…
Does my bum look big in these jeans?

 

[Roxy]

I find lying incredibly difficult. Firstly I've always believed liars get caught out in the end and secondly, I can't lie because my face gives me away - I don't actually have to say anything, the answer's there right on my face.