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Lost@plushy That has a multi faceted answer. Though the long and short of it is that I've, in one way or another, embraced the darkness. Just not...- Xinyta
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I'm Not An Artist.Do not feed into the lies of the mind. No one and nothing can stop you from trying, other than yourself. I draw on occasion. You'll see my profile...
- Xinyta
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LostIt's difficult when you're caught between wanting to improve - which means self analysis, and wanting to let go - which means no analysing of...- blue_bird
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I am facing emotions I haven't faced since childhood. Feeling a great distress and sadness about my own fears being more than me as a person. Calling it conditioning, is just addressing it at a surface level.
This is full blown emotional brokeness. I shut myself off emotionally and mentally...
There is someone i like, and it makes it harder to move to another city. Although i have applied to a lot of Jobs and have had no response so far. Living in another city without support is scary.
And the person i like, i don't even know what to think about him. He has qualities i admire...
Lately. I have been working on figuring myself out. It's a two fold mission.
First. I need to discover and clarify why I have stuck myself mentally, like I have. Which I have been doing. Picking apart my own actions and behaviors in my darker periods. As well as picking apart what I've done, or...
I gave it my all during today's 1:1 PT session at the gym. It was tough, but he was happy that I kept going until I couldn't go anymore. When the muscles tire, my brain goes "I can't do this" and yet, somehow it's possible to complete the set. Today we did 4 sets instead of 3, and the weights...
The world was empty for her. No matter where she looked, there was nothing for the things inside her. She kept on working, studying, changing her shape to adapt and surviving. And sometimes something good came to her, and went. But she somehow knew the things and people that came were not there...
Yesterday was an extremely bizarre, spontaneous and unorganized day. These days I am looking a lot into videos of people saving elephants. I am also vegan and can say without sounding hypocritical that I love animals a lot, so I guess all these came to a point of me waking up from a dream where...
Gym session went well. Given how sore my muscles were, I'm surprised that I could do 3 sets of 10 reps on all but 1 exercise - where i managed 9, then 8 then 5. But i wasn't going to be silly about it. If the muscle had nothing left to give for that exercise, I'm going to listen to my body.
I...
This muscle soreness is going to make today's first solo gym session a case of mind over matter.
I emailed my PT yesterday and he kindly uploaded an 8 exercise - 1 hour routine. I'll then finish up with some swimming and then some meditation in the sauna.
The first month will have my body...
I give an offering of some of my water each time I visit the old oak tree. Respect your elders. I thank it for peace and strength. Hippie alert.
My guide has prompted me to purchase some instruments for my upcoming meditations and trance. In recent days I've learned that my guide was from the...
Waiting and worthiness are the 2 big lessons my next relationship will teach me.
I'm happy to say that I've improved with waiting; as it's destroyed me with anxiety in the past. Being away from a person triggered separation anxiety, and waiting for them to respond online - the longer the wait...
This week I'm pet sitting for the daughter of my mom's friend. She's about 10 years older than me, so her life is pretty well-established. I'm technically allergic to cats and dogs, of which she has both, but not enough where that would stop me from being around them. So, I get to stay in a cute...
I love art.
Sometimes, when I'm listening to music, I suddenly get a very vivid visual in my head about what a music video or movie for that song would look like, and get lost in it. I love when that happens. But, I don't think I'd ever find success in making movies. Plus, that's already what my...
Today I drove a service user and their family to the Motorhome & Caravan show at the NEC in Birmingham. It was a lovely day out - and I enjoyed the driving. We also went to numerous places yesterday as well.
It's presented all sorts of unique challenges, and after my shift has finished I've...
I am without many words lately. Confused once more about how to continue. I have answers to my own behaviors. Yet I am lost to what is next.
I can focus. Yet I still have issues with it, which remains to confuse me. I know, yet the desire to try isn't always there. Making me question why? Why...
Good things come to those who wait.
I hope this is true. I hope when my life ends i dont feel scared or sad. I want to feel salvation from this life's pain and worries
I honestly feel like i am not fit for any kind of relationship or even friendship. I don't have much in common with people i come across with, and when i get attached i idealize that person so much i don't even notice when i am treated unfairly. And when the person don't share what they feel and...
The second medium circle last Wednesday was nice. A few less than the previous week, but a nice energy. We did another guided meditation along with drawing 2 cards from 2 different tarot.
From the Medicine Cards I got 43 (my lucky number) and the animal was a spider. What it spoke of was...
I wonder what I would be?
Yes, would I still be Me?
If not for this thing called Electricity;
Which powers all the Influencers,
- The Computer, the Phone, the TV?
In a world without these,
Would I still be 'Me'?
Received a nomination for employee of the month where I work. Whilst I didn't win, I did receive an email congratulating me. It included the message from whoever recommended me. They wrote some lovely things, and it was very uplifting to read.
My gut knew a few weeks ago that I'd get a...