Recently Disney's "Cars 2" was released onto DVD. In the first "Cars" movie, world-champion race car Lightning McQueen finds himself stranded in a small town off the beaten track. At first McQueen thinks he is too good for the cars that live there but by the end of the movie he has come to realize that just because they live in a hick town doesn't mean they aren't worth knowing.
In "Cars 2" it is Lightning McQueen's friend, the dilapidated tow truck "Tow Mater" that needs to learn a thing or two about the greater world. Now, one of my big beefs with Disney is that Disney tends to rely on stereotypes, and "Mater" is no exception. He's a backwoods, ignorant hillbilly. Yes, he has a heart of gold, but he does not know how to behave in the world outside Radiator Springs, and McQueen knows it but doesn't know how to tell him so. Actually, I am not even sure that "Mater's" behavior is appropriate even for Radiator Springs, but at least he is somewhat accepted there.
The problem is that "Mater" believes that there is nothing wrong with the way he thinks and acts and that he should be accepted just the way he is because that is the way he is. McQueen knows better; he moves in a world that has higher standards than Radiator Springs, and that is why he does not want to take his friend with him when he races internationally. Against his better judgement, he does end up taking him, with predictable results.
Because he is perceived as an ignorant buffoon, "Mater" winds up being the tool of an international spy ring. The cars that are using him are not his friends but they at least are not afraid to speak the truth. When "Mater" learns that they consider him a fool and that everyone has been laughing at him, he's crushed. Not only that, he's cost his friend an important race through his ignorance.
But, because this is Disney, there is a happy ending. "Mater" is forgiven and allowed to continue in his ways, because after all, that's who he is and we should accept others for who they are, right? It is the world that has to change and accept "Mater", not "Mater" changing his behavior and attitude to suit the circumstances. Wrong!
Not long ago I attended a gathering where there was a young man (late 20's, early 30's) who appeared to be on the spectrum. Very nice, very friendly, but with absolutely no clue of how to act socially. It was obvious he was well known to the others in the group. Anyway, I was having a conversation with another person in the group when he came up to us. I had just asked a question and she was beginning to reply when he jumped in and started talking over her talking, with no regard to the fact he was interrupting. Finally she gave up and waited until he was done with his lengthy reply which had little to do with the question I had asked. He wandered off and she resumed the conversation. Now, I am sure that she was just as taken aback by his behavior as I was, and probably didn't know how to respond in a tactful way. But it was clear that he had not learned that you do not do such things. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe he wasn't capable. But I am willing to bet that this young man is tolerated, not accepted, by this group he associates with. There is a difference.
When you are accepted, truly accepted, you become a part of other people's lives and they become a part of yours. You are included in events that are not necessarily connected to the organization(s) that you both belong to. When you are tolerated, that means that you are welcome to come to group events, but that is as far as it goes. I dare say this young man receives no invitations to any happenings outside the group, or if he extends any such invitations to others, he finds that they are unable to join him.
As a person on the spectrum, I have few illusions on where I stand, even with this church I am in. There are things I hear members talk about that I'd like to be included on, places they go I'd like to go, non-church events they participate in that I don't get asked to be part of. Part of the problem is I am a single female in a Noah's Ark world, and single females are somewhat viewed with suspicion by married females. Part of the problem is that they may not think I am truly one of them (and in that they are correct). But I suspect that even if that obstacle were to be removed, I would still be in the same situation. This used to bother me much more when I was younger, and I spent much time and energy bemoaning my fate. Now I have learned to just accept the situation for what it is.
In "Cars 2" it is Lightning McQueen's friend, the dilapidated tow truck "Tow Mater" that needs to learn a thing or two about the greater world. Now, one of my big beefs with Disney is that Disney tends to rely on stereotypes, and "Mater" is no exception. He's a backwoods, ignorant hillbilly. Yes, he has a heart of gold, but he does not know how to behave in the world outside Radiator Springs, and McQueen knows it but doesn't know how to tell him so. Actually, I am not even sure that "Mater's" behavior is appropriate even for Radiator Springs, but at least he is somewhat accepted there.
The problem is that "Mater" believes that there is nothing wrong with the way he thinks and acts and that he should be accepted just the way he is because that is the way he is. McQueen knows better; he moves in a world that has higher standards than Radiator Springs, and that is why he does not want to take his friend with him when he races internationally. Against his better judgement, he does end up taking him, with predictable results.
Because he is perceived as an ignorant buffoon, "Mater" winds up being the tool of an international spy ring. The cars that are using him are not his friends but they at least are not afraid to speak the truth. When "Mater" learns that they consider him a fool and that everyone has been laughing at him, he's crushed. Not only that, he's cost his friend an important race through his ignorance.
But, because this is Disney, there is a happy ending. "Mater" is forgiven and allowed to continue in his ways, because after all, that's who he is and we should accept others for who they are, right? It is the world that has to change and accept "Mater", not "Mater" changing his behavior and attitude to suit the circumstances. Wrong!
Not long ago I attended a gathering where there was a young man (late 20's, early 30's) who appeared to be on the spectrum. Very nice, very friendly, but with absolutely no clue of how to act socially. It was obvious he was well known to the others in the group. Anyway, I was having a conversation with another person in the group when he came up to us. I had just asked a question and she was beginning to reply when he jumped in and started talking over her talking, with no regard to the fact he was interrupting. Finally she gave up and waited until he was done with his lengthy reply which had little to do with the question I had asked. He wandered off and she resumed the conversation. Now, I am sure that she was just as taken aback by his behavior as I was, and probably didn't know how to respond in a tactful way. But it was clear that he had not learned that you do not do such things. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe he wasn't capable. But I am willing to bet that this young man is tolerated, not accepted, by this group he associates with. There is a difference.
When you are accepted, truly accepted, you become a part of other people's lives and they become a part of yours. You are included in events that are not necessarily connected to the organization(s) that you both belong to. When you are tolerated, that means that you are welcome to come to group events, but that is as far as it goes. I dare say this young man receives no invitations to any happenings outside the group, or if he extends any such invitations to others, he finds that they are unable to join him.
As a person on the spectrum, I have few illusions on where I stand, even with this church I am in. There are things I hear members talk about that I'd like to be included on, places they go I'd like to go, non-church events they participate in that I don't get asked to be part of. Part of the problem is I am a single female in a Noah's Ark world, and single females are somewhat viewed with suspicion by married females. Part of the problem is that they may not think I am truly one of them (and in that they are correct). But I suspect that even if that obstacle were to be removed, I would still be in the same situation. This used to bother me much more when I was younger, and I spent much time and energy bemoaning my fate. Now I have learned to just accept the situation for what it is.
