Yesterday, it's been approximately five and a half months since my last meltdown. Today, it's been zero days since my last meltdown. Several factors have piled up that eventually caused it - and I am a tad bit ashamed to admit that all of them stem from the current global situation.
Since I started intensively researching autism, I have come to understand myself significantly better, to the point where I learned to identify, and in consequence, avoid situations or circumstances that could potentially cause meltdowns. I have done so well that even family members who are not convinced I am on the spectrum had to admit that I have been doing way better.
Right now, I am trying to figure out what went wrong this time and whether I could have avoided this major meltdown today, during which I got so worked up and screamed so loud for so long, that my throat hurts now.
These are the factors that came together:
Have you had similar experiences so far? How are you handling communication with friends and acquaintances at the moment? Let me know your thoughts!
Since I started intensively researching autism, I have come to understand myself significantly better, to the point where I learned to identify, and in consequence, avoid situations or circumstances that could potentially cause meltdowns. I have done so well that even family members who are not convinced I am on the spectrum had to admit that I have been doing way better.
Right now, I am trying to figure out what went wrong this time and whether I could have avoided this major meltdown today, during which I got so worked up and screamed so loud for so long, that my throat hurts now.
These are the factors that came together:
- Due to staying indoors all day - it's week 2 for me - my usual routine has been disrupted completely. I promptly reacted by building a new routine for myself the weekend before I would stop leaving the house on weekdays. The first week, it worked amazingly. I was as productive as ever, all the while having more free time for fun activities (at home, of course). This week, I got lazy and did not follow my new routine. From day one, I could watch my productivity and my mood plummet to earth. That was entirely my fault.
- Immediately before I had the meltdown, I read a very well researched and critical article on government measures regarding the current global situation, which confirmed what I had suspected for some time: My government is not doing all that great. It really upset me that I have absolutely no control over the situation but have to rely on people of whom I have no idea what they're doing, planning, or thinking right now. Could I have avoided reading the article and getting myself all upset? Yes definitely, but I did not see that one coming. On the contrary, I do believe it would not have resulted in the meltdown if no. 3 did not apply:
- Ain't nobody talking to me. I have reached out to several people I have contact regularly in the outside world. Some of them are people who are very close and important to me; however, I hardly get any replies. This is not logical to me, because I figured people had more time to communicate now, and maybe more need for it since people aren't supposed to meet up right now. Building upon this premise, I started thinking these people do not care about me all too much, considering I have not received any "how are you"s so far. Granted, it's not been long since social distancing started to be implemented, but my friends' lack of communication/replies has been longer than usual.
Have you had similar experiences so far? How are you handling communication with friends and acquaintances at the moment? Let me know your thoughts!