Can one reduce himself to not caring in order to not be hurt? Answering this question requires me to use both thought, and real experience. This question comes to me as I desperately try to find something to write about this early morning as I slowly wake up my brain. This question though has some significance to me, as you may have guessed from the specific nature of this question. At first, the question comes to mind as an aspect of mental health, but the more I think about it, there is a political, and of course a philosophical aspect to pondering the possible answers. First, some nice story times. So sit down in front of the fire and let old voltaic Tell you about his mental health.
Apathy is a powerful thing. Not too care, is too feel. Too feel, is not just happiness and all the such, but pain. To not care, is to not accept the consequences of what you do not care about. I can make such a statement from no arguments because this is something I have learned as I struggled with depression. I let my life devolve into chaos. I did so because I both gained pleasures from the negativity, and had no will to fix the things that make life worth living. I didn't care. I didn't care because life is hard. No one can say that their life is easy. Life is the longest and most enduring thing we as individuals will experience, all things that are hard in life, are combined into the hardness of life itself, because all you do is part of life.
Life is hard. I did not have the will in order to put the effort into life, and I got what I put into it. Nothing but pain, with a side dish of happiness because of the empathy and love from my family. Not enough, nothing enough to care. Life devolved into chaos. Mess gathered all around me, encircling me in a reminder of the pain I put up with by taking every breath. If it were in my abilities to simply stop breathing, I would be dead long ago; and I think most people if the same, would also succumb to the temporary emotions to bring themselves to a simple death.
I put nothing into life, got very little back from life, and it kicked me in the ass because of it. Everything around me devolved into chaos, so in order to cope; I did not care. Everything became meaningless because in my mind I believed that I would be dead in a short time. Why care then? Why put effort into life when that effort would not come back to reward you? Why put effort into the relationships with the people I love dearly, if I can use them to escape the pain of life instead?
To not care about life, was to accept no negativity from consequence of not putting any effort into life... because I did not care about life... because I did not put effort into it... because I didn't care... You see what was once my circular reasoning here. If I simply put effort into life, then I could fix life, then not have to devolve my mind into apathy to put up with it.
What got me out of this circular reasoning, was seeing the true values of my skill. If I were to only put all my effort into life, I could evolve from a parents basement dwelling autistic man-child into what I believe I am now, the person typing these words as I sit in a hospital bed because the world does not see my vision as mentally stable.
I care now. I care enough about life because I found something in life worth living for. I care enough to put as much effort as I can humanly put into this world because I believe
as I have learned too put a huge impact down with minimal effort. I am ready for this.... I will get into the political aspect on a latter date. I just wanted to put some words down this morning. I hope you are all feeling as I do, or even half of what I feel, as I feel great and wish the best upon everyone, no matter who you are or what you think you are. I love all.
