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Blog entries by Moonhart44
today so far is good. it is not a disappointment. All my fears so far have not happened. It's my birthday. Nobody forgot. I decided to communicate this problem with my bf because i felt lke i was setting him up for failure. he seemed to remember my birthday but didnt get me anything yet at the...
I am not sure what the point of writing is. Even on good days after writing things it makes me realize my sadness more, and often time I collapse, or relapse, or whatever it's called back into the spiral. The more I talk about things, the more pointless it seems, because it's just complaining...
I sit at work. I had a cancellation, but still made money. This is good. I wrote a paper for class and turned in my responses. I thought it was funny that in one response, a student put immolate instead of emulate. immolate means to burn at the stake apparently.
I am realizing, I am still...
I awaken to a call from my brother.
He incoherently speaks of our mother:
"Mother's sister of father!"
I wonder why I bothered.
I hang up, but the pain isn't over.
_______________________
I wake up again
No tears fall. I must distract
Before it begins
___________________
My name is Eris
I...
I went to bed early so it compensated for my cat SCREAMING for pets. I couldn't go back to sleep. I kept worrying if my bf would forget about my birthday. I am very confident that he has. I am worried about reminding him. I dont want to. He forgot to do anything for our anniversary in May. I say...
I feel better today. I have this weird spiraling pattern. once my work weekend comes (mon and tues), and i have time to be alone, i feel much better. but today i have to go to work again.
i went to visit my old location. i dont like visiting them. i feel like i dont belong. i feel like some...
Recently i have told a couple people i am depressed, and they were very shocked. this confuses me. i dont feel that i have been an outwardly "happy" person, especially because people accuse me from looking sad to looking like i shoot dope up my arm. Anyways I woke up crying. I am worried I am...
I feel this way. I feel like i am constantly fighting this urge to not be evil. My urges are more along the lines of taking advantage of weaker people, or wanting to project constantly because i am anxious and depressed. I think about how I used to view people with autism. Even back then, I...
I havent gone to the gym since before lockdown. I decided to go back because i notice i am getting too skinny. i dont like to talk about that because people wrinkle their nose on it, like its not a problem.
Recently i've been feeling confused. in my journey of solitude, I am worried that I am...
I didnt get good sleep. I have racing thoughts and i'm always wondering if its time to wake up at around 7 am. my pets were being rambunctious today however. i felt very frustrated today. small things were not going my way. im not sure it is because i'm depressed, or i had a melt down, but i...
I got frustrated that i lost my entry and didnt make anew one. but here it is:
I did not sleep good. One thing that makes me more depressed than my personal life woes is my job woes. i feel super underappreciated, but what's worse is that, i feel that its justified. I have been in my industry...
i think one of my problems in the past was me not sleepin enough. I have been working hard to fix that. i have put my screens on all yellow light before going to bed, reading before going to bed. i think this is helping my mood a lot. i cant stay up because my cat always wakes me up at 7am. the...
I am thankful that this week is less stressful. for a few months, i've been in this depressive episode. i think i am still there but i feel i am near a silver lining. Right now I feel positive about myself in that I am beginning to believe i am worth something. the problem i really do have is...
Today I feel less nervous. I feel less nervous because i am not waiting on someone anymore. in a way it's freeing. but everyday is scary, in the sense that i dont know what will set me off into a depressive moment. (i accidentally posted this too early) Today I'm going to talk about my...
I am a youngish woman. I have struggled with friendship my entire life, and that is not a hyperbole. Right now, I am very alone. I moved from my home town almost two years ago, and have failed to make friends, failed to maintain my romantic relationship, and even failing at my job. It feels...