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Blog entries by scleod
Grade one starts. I remember the teacher saying I was "gifted". Now "gifted" didnt mean you were a gift or got a gift or something good. It always had a bad wrao. You were stuck in a cramped room with a bunch of weird kids and made fun of. I did not want to be in this room.
Writing some...
Have you ever been in a crowded room yet felt so alone? Always. Spent much of my life busy. In a social status yet so alone. No one has understood me. Always missunderstood. Always been like the english I was speaking was some sort of gibberish. Never understood this.
The first time I noticed I...
The pain will not sustain me, for long.
It will drain me.
It will attain me. Hoping it wont bring shame to me. Wont replace me. Rename me. Make me blame me. I cant suffer. Cant expose. Nerves exposed. Bliind eyes turned. Waves afoot. How long till I see fit. Crooked ridge. Lost hips blended...
Fading saddened. Don't want to leaving. I'm here to soundboard you. Bounce back. Ash i can get behind. Sick i can get behind. I don't get it. Try to forget it. Can't. Move past it. Can't. Picking up the mess left. She's alone. You aren't self. But this was. I don't get it. Still picking...
I left you behind. Rotting. I should have stayed. I still hate that I didnt stay. Kept on moving, going forward. Didnt stay and hold your hand. You smelled like rot. Though I should have stayed. All alone. Hospital bed. No one around. You are just dead. I kinda feel bad I didnt do more. Im...
You could have stayed. Don't know how to be. You could still be here. You didnt take care of you. You esnted to be gone. Why didnt you want to be here, Anymore? I miss you, every day. Best friend. Texted you. Everyday, bestfriend. You werent always my go to but you grew into my go to.dependent...
Alone. Dark. Shade. Night. Break. Escaping the past. That was easier. Atleast my bruises were black. Atleast my cuts were deep. Atleast my life lost was an over dose or a suicide ir something in between. Non of this he said she said on repeat. I am in defeat. Quit. Then they win. End. For...
If I just dropped off.
Would anyone care?
I could just end it all there.
Stop my exisitense.
No worry in sight.
Bresthless.
Hopless.
Not one fright.
I love you, I hate you, I'll cheer you on.
Defeated. Why must I be beaten?
I've been battered and bruised.
Id take the physical pain...
Restless.
I cant sleep.
Cant eat.
Lie awake.
Ache.
Mistake you for what was once hate.
Jaws tired. Brains scrambled.
Body bruised, beaten down.
Sick tired in defeat. Im so sick of this misery.
Im seeking out, screaming out. Speaking out.
I wont hold onto the pain no more. Wont keep in tight...
I thought for a second I saw land.
I was on land.
Safe.
Warm.
All the necessities of life.
Drowning.
Water over head almost feeling dead.
Burnt out beyond belief.
Can I just leave here.
Must I just sink, into the obis.
Screaming into the void.
Noone will call back.
All alone no hope in sight.
I...