so, I just found out about the blogs here, and I'm thinking that I should start documenting my journey to trying to find a diagnosis. Whether I come up with an answer of ASD or not, I feel close enough to the community, and sure enough of what my diagnosis could be, that it's pertinent to talk about here. I guess I'll start with a bit about me:
I grew up in a series of really small towns. my mom and dad got divorced when I was about 6. I helped raised my sister, who was younger than me by 18 months. we switched schools, moved a lot, were home schooled for a while, and went back to public school when I was 11. I always knew I was different, but I didn't realize for quite a while just how different I was. my sister, my uncle (who was adopted, and 13 months younger than myself), and I were off in our own little bubble of country living and being protected from much of everything.
for a lot of years, my life was filled with whatever turmoil came at us; it was just a part of life. I don't think I realized that something else was going on in my head until I was in high school; and I certainly didn't consciously accept it until I'd almost graduated. But, at that time, I wasn't diagnosed with anything. I saw a counselor, and promptly quit when I got to college, convinced it wasn't working.
college sent me in and out of counseling, self harm, the hospital, and finally landed me with a diagnosis of depressive disorder, mood disorder NOS, and a handful of meds that never seemed to work.
I fought the meds, the doctors, through them trying to diagnose bipolar disorder that didn't fit, meds that made me sick, and counseling that truly did much of nothing to help me. I gave up in fall of 2012, when I met my soon-to-be husband, and the honeymoon phase blocked out enough of the madness in my head that I was able to convince myself that nothing was wrong.
all along, I had trouble dealing with people, trouble talking to them. difficulty with social situations, and a bad habit of getting so engrossed in whatever topic currently held my interest that I would completely turn it off to anyone I talked to about it because I beat it to death. I had inconsistent friendships at best, little to no social interaction unless I was forced.
Junior year, I took a special topics class called "Intro to Autism". I identified with so much throughout that course, but I always thought the same that I did with my depression: it wasn't bad enough to be an issue, not bad enough to get any help for it, so I ignored it.
fast forward a few years: I'm happily married, but still struggling. somehow, the suggestion comes back to mind that maybe my partial ASD theory could hold some weight, and I start doing some research. every thing I find, every test I take, points me to the possibility that I could be an aspie, and I start to feel relief that maybe there's an answer to what I've been dealing with all of these years.
I started searching for a therapist in about January of this year. it's not been an easy challenge to find someone to work with me. finding someone who specializes in adult diagnosis of ASDs is nearly impossible in my area. I'm hoping i'm on the right track at the moment. I've found someone with a special interest in ASDs that is willing to work with me, after having explained my situation. I go for my second appointment tomorrow. I like her decently well so far, and I hope that this will work out. the more I think about it, the more I talk to people, the more I'm sure that this is the track I'm supposed to be on.
But, that's all for now. I'll be updating again soon, but i'm without wifi at home right now, so it'll be sporadic from my phone.
I grew up in a series of really small towns. my mom and dad got divorced when I was about 6. I helped raised my sister, who was younger than me by 18 months. we switched schools, moved a lot, were home schooled for a while, and went back to public school when I was 11. I always knew I was different, but I didn't realize for quite a while just how different I was. my sister, my uncle (who was adopted, and 13 months younger than myself), and I were off in our own little bubble of country living and being protected from much of everything.
for a lot of years, my life was filled with whatever turmoil came at us; it was just a part of life. I don't think I realized that something else was going on in my head until I was in high school; and I certainly didn't consciously accept it until I'd almost graduated. But, at that time, I wasn't diagnosed with anything. I saw a counselor, and promptly quit when I got to college, convinced it wasn't working.
college sent me in and out of counseling, self harm, the hospital, and finally landed me with a diagnosis of depressive disorder, mood disorder NOS, and a handful of meds that never seemed to work.
I fought the meds, the doctors, through them trying to diagnose bipolar disorder that didn't fit, meds that made me sick, and counseling that truly did much of nothing to help me. I gave up in fall of 2012, when I met my soon-to-be husband, and the honeymoon phase blocked out enough of the madness in my head that I was able to convince myself that nothing was wrong.
all along, I had trouble dealing with people, trouble talking to them. difficulty with social situations, and a bad habit of getting so engrossed in whatever topic currently held my interest that I would completely turn it off to anyone I talked to about it because I beat it to death. I had inconsistent friendships at best, little to no social interaction unless I was forced.
Junior year, I took a special topics class called "Intro to Autism". I identified with so much throughout that course, but I always thought the same that I did with my depression: it wasn't bad enough to be an issue, not bad enough to get any help for it, so I ignored it.
fast forward a few years: I'm happily married, but still struggling. somehow, the suggestion comes back to mind that maybe my partial ASD theory could hold some weight, and I start doing some research. every thing I find, every test I take, points me to the possibility that I could be an aspie, and I start to feel relief that maybe there's an answer to what I've been dealing with all of these years.
I started searching for a therapist in about January of this year. it's not been an easy challenge to find someone to work with me. finding someone who specializes in adult diagnosis of ASDs is nearly impossible in my area. I'm hoping i'm on the right track at the moment. I've found someone with a special interest in ASDs that is willing to work with me, after having explained my situation. I go for my second appointment tomorrow. I like her decently well so far, and I hope that this will work out. the more I think about it, the more I talk to people, the more I'm sure that this is the track I'm supposed to be on.
But, that's all for now. I'll be updating again soon, but i'm without wifi at home right now, so it'll be sporadic from my phone.
