So, there's this employee at the animal shelter where I volunteer. For months, I've silently felt that he is gay. I've never asked him, he's never told me; it's just a feeling that I had.
Recently, I started trying to analyze why, exactly, I thought this. After all, I had no actual evidence for or against it. He was sweet, gentle, nurturing even. But there are plenty of straight guys who are (such as my very heterosexual male best friend). His clothing style was unremarkable. (And, even though there are stereotypically "gay" ways of dressing, who am I to say that there aren't heterosexual guys who also like those styles?) Anyway, most important, I am absolutely no expert on sexual orientation stuff, absolutely no expert on how to recognize someone else's orientation. (I did guess accurately in the case of my sister, but she's a family member. We grew up together, of course I knew.)
Repeated again, I am absolutely no expert on sexual orientation stuff, absolutely no expert on how to recognize someone else's orientation. So why did I have this feeling about this guy this employee?
Then, I realized what it really was, what the root of my feeling really came from. It was the way he talked to me. It was the way he related to me. He talks to me, he relates to me, he interacts with me, without an agenda. He doesn't trying to show off. He isn't nervous. He doesn't appear to be having an interior dialogue within his head of wondering what kind of impression he is making on me, or what I think of him. He doesn't stand so close to me as to make me uncomfortable. So far as I can tell, he has not agenda.
And that is different from how pretty much every heterosexual guy (even the older and married ones) talks to me.
I don't know the orientation of this employee. It doesn't matter really. I like the way he treats me. If he actually is heterosexual, whatever woman he ends up with will be a lucky person indeed.
An example of how many men talk to us.
A happy ending | What is it like to be a woman in philosophy?
Recently, I started trying to analyze why, exactly, I thought this. After all, I had no actual evidence for or against it. He was sweet, gentle, nurturing even. But there are plenty of straight guys who are (such as my very heterosexual male best friend). His clothing style was unremarkable. (And, even though there are stereotypically "gay" ways of dressing, who am I to say that there aren't heterosexual guys who also like those styles?) Anyway, most important, I am absolutely no expert on sexual orientation stuff, absolutely no expert on how to recognize someone else's orientation. (I did guess accurately in the case of my sister, but she's a family member. We grew up together, of course I knew.)
Repeated again, I am absolutely no expert on sexual orientation stuff, absolutely no expert on how to recognize someone else's orientation. So why did I have this feeling about this guy this employee?
Then, I realized what it really was, what the root of my feeling really came from. It was the way he talked to me. It was the way he related to me. He talks to me, he relates to me, he interacts with me, without an agenda. He doesn't trying to show off. He isn't nervous. He doesn't appear to be having an interior dialogue within his head of wondering what kind of impression he is making on me, or what I think of him. He doesn't stand so close to me as to make me uncomfortable. So far as I can tell, he has not agenda.
And that is different from how pretty much every heterosexual guy (even the older and married ones) talks to me.
I don't know the orientation of this employee. It doesn't matter really. I like the way he treats me. If he actually is heterosexual, whatever woman he ends up with will be a lucky person indeed.
An example of how many men talk to us.
A happy ending | What is it like to be a woman in philosophy?
