Hi, fellow citizens of Asperia. Living with others can be a real pain for us. As some of you know, I have a bi-generational home wherein my elderly parents live downstairs. My mother is a hyper-blabbering NT who is in profound denial of the fact that I'm an Aspie. She believes that if she just interacts with me, I'll emerge from my shell & become the sociable, huggy, communicative, extrovert she believes is trapped inside. Sounds sort of like rubbing a lamp & hoping a genie will pop out. Well, how long would you stand there rubbing the freakin' lamp if no genie ever emerged: would you assume you were using the wrong rubbing technique? Would you shake the lamp or try to verbally cajole the genie out all while rubbing it?
My mother is, in her words, bored, lonely & housebound. The sister to whom she was close is deceased, her best friend died this year & my father is near 90, doddery & extremely hard of hearing. That leaves me, in her estimation, somehow responsible for fulfilling her social needs. There are a billion activities & clubs etc for the elderly in this community. She is able-bodied, healthy & fit & she could easily go participate in a common interest group. Meanwhile, I am in a state where I have to sneak & hide in my own flippin' house. Surreal! If I'm in my kitchen, she comes in, parks herself somewhere & begins blabbering. She has nothing to sat, really. She is clueless about world politics (was unaware that there was a civil war in Syria!) doesn't watch any news shows & lives in the past. Most of her rambling is about herself, what she thinks, her childhood back in the 40s & nonsense like how she scrubbed the floor etc. Her memory is beginning to go south so she often repeats the same conversation (monologue, really) that she had regaled me with earlier.
I know from experience it is better in the NT world to LIE about such things & simply smile & say how wonderful it is to have everyone together BOLLOCKS! She won't leave me alone!!! I slipped out of the kitchen through the sun room & into my back yard gazebo. I brought my trusty ultra-book, dark glasses & noise cancelling head head phones. NOT GOOD ENOUGH! She came looking for me with a heap of laundry. Apparently, someone must've left a tissue in a pants pocket because the wash was a linty mess. She came bothering me, shaking clothing & rambling on. AAUUGGHH!!!! It took all my patience not to go barking mad. All she had to do is throw it all into the dryer & the lint would wind up in the lint filtre. What the hell did she expect me to do: punish the tissue?!? Now she is downstairs deliberately banging flatware she is drying & putting away. Sounds like a traffic accident! It is raining out so there's no escaping into the gazebo. My daughter is up in my suite using the hot tub so my own room is off limits to me. What is going on here?
Making my family realize that I am NOT lonely, in some kind of carapace or 'really seeking closeness but too shy to ask' is as challenging as colonizing Neptune! I just want to be left alone. I don't wish ill on anyone, I don't want to take anything from anyone nor do I want attention from them. Why is it so hard for people to understand something so simple? The hyper-social aspect of the NT world is the most difficult thing for me to navigate my way through since I have no desire whatsoever to hang out with a bunch of people (including relatives). Others who DO have this social clumping reflex should happily find each other & go off & do whatever it is that they mutually enjoy doing. Leaving me out of it should not be a hardship.
My mother is, in her words, bored, lonely & housebound. The sister to whom she was close is deceased, her best friend died this year & my father is near 90, doddery & extremely hard of hearing. That leaves me, in her estimation, somehow responsible for fulfilling her social needs. There are a billion activities & clubs etc for the elderly in this community. She is able-bodied, healthy & fit & she could easily go participate in a common interest group. Meanwhile, I am in a state where I have to sneak & hide in my own flippin' house. Surreal! If I'm in my kitchen, she comes in, parks herself somewhere & begins blabbering. She has nothing to sat, really. She is clueless about world politics (was unaware that there was a civil war in Syria!) doesn't watch any news shows & lives in the past. Most of her rambling is about herself, what she thinks, her childhood back in the 40s & nonsense like how she scrubbed the floor etc. Her memory is beginning to go south so she often repeats the same conversation (monologue, really) that she had regaled me with earlier.
I know from experience it is better in the NT world to LIE about such things & simply smile & say how wonderful it is to have everyone together BOLLOCKS! She won't leave me alone!!! I slipped out of the kitchen through the sun room & into my back yard gazebo. I brought my trusty ultra-book, dark glasses & noise cancelling head head phones. NOT GOOD ENOUGH! She came looking for me with a heap of laundry. Apparently, someone must've left a tissue in a pants pocket because the wash was a linty mess. She came bothering me, shaking clothing & rambling on. AAUUGGHH!!!! It took all my patience not to go barking mad. All she had to do is throw it all into the dryer & the lint would wind up in the lint filtre. What the hell did she expect me to do: punish the tissue?!? Now she is downstairs deliberately banging flatware she is drying & putting away. Sounds like a traffic accident! It is raining out so there's no escaping into the gazebo. My daughter is up in my suite using the hot tub so my own room is off limits to me. What is going on here?
Making my family realize that I am NOT lonely, in some kind of carapace or 'really seeking closeness but too shy to ask' is as challenging as colonizing Neptune! I just want to be left alone. I don't wish ill on anyone, I don't want to take anything from anyone nor do I want attention from them. Why is it so hard for people to understand something so simple? The hyper-social aspect of the NT world is the most difficult thing for me to navigate my way through since I have no desire whatsoever to hang out with a bunch of people (including relatives). Others who DO have this social clumping reflex should happily find each other & go off & do whatever it is that they mutually enjoy doing. Leaving me out of it should not be a hardship.
