Breath in, hold... and release. 🙉🙊🙈

Late diagnosis like a huge exhale,
The realisation you weren't a fail.
A rush, a hit, a powerful drug.
Knowing you're not just a useless lug.
First that initial trepidation,
Even denial and obfuscation.
"That's not me, I'm not autistic.
I can't believe that that's realistic."
It's only on reading up more about it,
Concluding your info is totally misfit.
Only on understanding the spread,
Of conditions going on in your head.
Do you start to appreciate what it all means,
Cognition articles spilling the beans.
Suffering from a Dunning & Kruger,
But gradually coming out of a stupor.
"Well I'll be boggered, I'll be damned,
I've finally pulled my head out the sand!"
"I've never been member of group or similar,
Now I'm in something quite unfamiliar!"
What to do, I question myself,
Just the same as with everything else.
Plug myself into some info that rocks,
Work on dissecting another black box.
In some ways easy, just some neuroscience,
In other ways painful for my self reliance.
Equating what's known to my innermost feeling,
Often confusing and leaves me reeling.
Some of it taking much longer to process,
But slowly making some tangible progress.
Sometimes it seems like a god sent blessing,
Other times it only seems more depressing.
All in all it's been a wild ride,
And now I've arrived I just can't hide.
My differences from the others no more,
A shame it's turned me into a bore!