Can't stand looking at myself

I'm betting its at least partially cause I was raised by a mom whose had disordered eating habits that may very well be a full blown eating disorder...but ever since I got to a good healthy weight range for my height I've felt overweight. I was underweight my whole life and so one day I decided I hated being so cold all the time, so I purposely gained weight. I wanted to be somewhere within the healthy range of 95-120lbs, and my only goals were that I could maintain body temperature well and had enough energy to get through the day just fine. But now I feel like healthy's overweight cause I've had to move up a jean size or two.

So I'm going on a diet. I have ramen but I'm going to buy Yakisoba cause its cheap with better health values...it has iron and protein and dehydrated vegetables in it, at any rate. I've got most of the stuff I need to make lunchmeat-and-cheese sandwiches and soup for my second meal of the day, I just need to pick up a few things after work. If I use one slice of cheese instead of two I can fit in a fruit smoothie, as well. I only planned on having two meals a day with the fruit smoothie as a snack at some point, but I might just decide to call it breakfast and have three meals a day instead.

Brilliant start to the day, huh? Upper arm's all slashed up and bandaged and I'm implementing a 1000 calorie diet and I've got work today. My bed's not even made. I wish I could have just called into work and stayed in bed today.