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Trending blog entries
I am facing emotions I haven't faced since childhood. Feeling a great distress and sadness about my own fears being more than me as a person. Calling it conditioning, is just addressing it at a surface level.
This is full blown emotional brokeness. I shut myself off emotionally and mentally...
There is someone i like, and it makes it harder to move to another city. Although i have applied to a lot of Jobs and have had no response so far. Living in another city without support is scary.
And the person i like, i don't even know what to think about him. He has qualities i admire...
Lately. I have been working on figuring myself out. It's a two fold mission.
First. I need to discover and clarify why I have stuck myself mentally, like I have. Which I have been doing. Picking apart my own actions and behaviors in my darker periods. As well as picking apart what I've done, or...
The world was empty for her. No matter where she looked, there was nothing for the things inside her. She kept on working, studying, changing her shape to adapt and surviving. And sometimes something good came to her, and went. But she somehow knew the things and people that came were not there...
Yesterday was an extremely bizarre, spontaneous and unorganized day. These days I am looking a lot into videos of people saving elephants. I am also vegan and can say without sounding hypocritical that I love animals a lot, so I guess all these came to a point of me waking up from a dream where...
This week I'm pet sitting for the daughter of my mom's friend. She's about 10 years older than me, so her life is pretty well-established. I'm technically allergic to cats and dogs, of which she has both, but not enough where that would stop me from being around them. So, I get to stay in a cute...
I am without many words lately. Confused once more about how to continue. I have answers to my own behaviors. Yet I am lost to what is next.
I can focus. Yet I still have issues with it, which remains to confuse me. I know, yet the desire to try isn't always there. Making me question why? Why...
Good things come to those who wait.
I hope this is true. I hope when my life ends i dont feel scared or sad. I want to feel salvation from this life's pain and worries
I honestly feel like i am not fit for any kind of relationship or even friendship. I don't have much in common with people i come across with, and when i get attached i idealize that person so much i don't even notice when i am treated unfairly. And when the person don't share what they feel and...
I wonder what I would be?
Yes, would I still be Me?
If not for this thing called Electricity;
Which powers all the Influencers,
- The Computer, the Phone, the TV?
In a world without these,
Would I still be 'Me'?
I sit here, overlooking the shore
Looking for a signal of acknowledgement
For something out there to bring me more
Than my current state , my predicament
Tired of feeling left out and left behind
My hopes turn to the sea in front me
For some aid to escape from this land, confined
A rescuer to...
I am obsessed with what I am doing wrong and that I am a endless failure, when I surcome to my delusions and general negativity. Doubts set in. I start wanting to sit and ruminate on everything I am doing wrong. Even mistakes, or not paying attention will just be added on.
I beat on myself so...
So this it.
I am what I am.
I'm not exactly what I hoped to be.
I was hoping to be free.
Free to have choices.
Free to have chances,
At being somewhat content.
But, I guess not all men are born free.
Not all men are deemed Worthy.
I knew of a few people who treat intelligence above any other character trait. My dad was raised in such a family, he was called a retard and that he would not be able to get good marks on the university exams. He still speaks so proudly that he got first place and how that "showed his dad" But...
So my headache has lessened a little but still have nausea and fatigue. I am def. going swimming tomorrow though, i will not back out again!
Apart from that, i am still waiting for a while before i find another job bc i am still scared they will call my employer and he will be displeased with...
I was going to clean the house today but i dont feel the energy really. I had a dream about my ex friend again and coupled with the stress of the last few days it was the last straw. My stomach was in knots all day and i cried a lot.
I am feeling a bit better but i think i will do the cleaning...
I never did. When i was a Child i dreamt that my family was not my real family and that my real family died in a fire. They would someday come to get me.
As an adult i taught myself everything, things that my parents and school system never did. I relied on myself to change myself so people...
The title kinda sounds like the start to some self-aware joke. I wish I could say that it is... it's not.
I have been looking at behavior patterns with myself. The things I do and how I behave in the worst moments. It all wreaks of attention seeking. But like, juvenile attention seeking. All...