A little advice needed

I don't think I'd view anyone different regardless of the label. Does it make him a different person? Only if you change your perspective towards him.

Has he done anything which you find alarming? Will he? Is there cause for alarm? If anything, you might offer him a listening ear so he can speak his mind freely if something bothers him. Not saying you should go full blown therapist on him, since you have your own issues. But perhaps talking and therefore talking him out of "stupid" things will keep him balanced.

As for being reported to the police; Well, while I can understand it, I don't think it's fair to assume that everyone who has these traits, according to some test, is a danger to society. For what it's worth, perhaps everyone with a mental illness is reported "just in case"... let's assume it's not the case, but you don't know. It would be alarming though if he got locked up for being a potential hazard.

Have I lived with any? I don't know... the thing is, these things are rarely diagnosed officially and if they are, people don't flaunder around with it, since it has a big stigma. And it sounds somewhat unbelievable. Being a psychopath (in the clinical sense) isn't something worth bragging about I guess. And psychopath sometimes is used as a derogatory term or insult, just like saying "are you crazy?". I've known a lot of people that acted crazy enough, but none were out in my face screaming how much of a psychopath they were... though one could say there was something inherently wrong with them.

Perhaps you should be happy that he confides in you and told you his deal and hoped to get some understanding and if needed that listening ear.

Well, usually I would still be thinking about this but I've just found out my work (who run all of London's transport, Trains, buses, trams, underground) have not submitted my hours to my agency so won't be paid again. This is the third time this year and I have told them that apart from today and tomorrow, I can not come into work until I am paid. I have exhausted all avenues of borrowing and to be honest, refuse to borrow any further because of a third mistake by them.

*deep breath*

But to go back on track, I know I've got some kind of soul searching to do too but the guy has been there for me more than any other bloody bugger out there. He is there for me when my wife can not be, and although he has said he will always be Charlotte's friend first, I still count him as someone closer to me than anyone else (after Charlotte) so to be any different to him feels wrong. I think it just might be a period of adjustment, just like when my therapist thought I had AS and the adjustments we made for that and for whatever else comes of my therapy.

It does hurt to think he went through all of this after his several suicide attempts (final one being before he ran away to a safe house where he got the contact details for the professional private therapist who he has been seeing since his last attempt) on his own and we were not their to help him. I know this is already playing on Charlotte's mind as it is mine. I just hope we don't question everything he ever does or says now, before we thought it was just him and his personality but now we know it's the traits of a psychopath. At first It didn't even bother me, but because of how psychopaths (NOT psychos either, because what people mean when they say that is actually someone who is psychotic) are played in TV, films and such, it's kinda hard to get around it.

Thank you for always being so bloody helpful, you will never know how much it means to have such helpful and honest people to share things with.

I have never met anyone with a diagnosis, but here's something I would do based on your description of your friend: I would talk with him and be there to support him because it is highly likely that he's not taking the diagnosis very well either. He could also very well be scared and unsure. Several years back I heard a public service announcement on the radio regarding mental illness and it suggested that one of the best things to do if a friend is affected by a mental illness is to be a support system and not take it lightly; in other words, be there for them, hold their hand, reach out, etc. It might be hard, but I think it might be worth a try to see how your friend feels about it because it seems like the two of you have a really close bond, and he might need the support of friends more than ever.

Thank you.

Thing is, he is a resilient bugger and has 4 years to get used to the idea so I think he is pretty in tune with it now, however he said that now someone else knows, it will make him feel a bit less in control and that, being not 100% in control is a MAJOR issue for people with this, he may be off, funny etc so I don't wanna crowd him or anything like that. It also explains A LOT of why he is like he is and some of the relationships that he has or has had.

What is quite funny is that he says, once you know what the symptoms are and such, you can pick others out like a sore thumb... and guess who he said first out of any one and every one we know... The girl who I fell out with and is Charlotte's best friend! NO ****! He said that he always felt that they were not close and she was very guarded around him and very submissive which I knew all along. It's quite common among people like this, but he warned that one day, it might not always be like that and they could clash which I know would be catastrophic for Charlotte as they are both her best friends.

You have always seemed to be a very supportive person LYTM. The fact that you're concerned enough to illicit advice says alot about you.

He has a very good friend in you.
I have high hopes for your continued friendship, even though i don't know any psychopaths (that i know of).

-p

Your friend might take some comfort in knowing that many surgeons, CEOs and clergy are diagnosed psychopaths. For surgeons the ability to disconnect from the patient allows them to concentrate on their work in a way that an emotional attachment with the patient might prevent. We all tend to believe psychopathology is bad across the board but some traits of psychopaths are desirable. You already mentioned your friend's resiliency as one.

I recommend the book: The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty by Baron-Cohen. Here is a book review:

BOOK REVIEW: The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty by Simon Baron-Cohen | Science News

I read some of this book and found it very interesting. Baron-Cohen has done a lot of work on ASD as well as psychopathology.

My observation from online aspie websites suggest that aspies are often attracted to narcissists. I was married to one myself for 24 years. There is something that makes aspies and narcissists compatible. I think this is also true for aspies and psychopaths since we share the lack of empathy as Baron-Cohen notes in his book. That being said it can be dangerous for aspie/auties to link up with psychopaths and/or narcissists. It depends on how vulnerable you are as well as the specific Traits of the narcissist or psychopath. I happen not to be very vulnerable. My son, however, is a very vulnerable aspie; I would be very concerned if he were to become emotionally involved with a narcissist or psychopath. Also narcissism has several characteristics including unreasonable expectations of self and others, a sense of entitlement, and manipulation of others. My wife had the first two but was not very manipulative and she does not take advantage of others. She is very idealistic and has a strong moral code. This allowed me to have a long term relationship with her. I do not believe my wife is psychopathic but she is about to be ordained a priest so who knows?

The Pros of Being a Psychopath in Smithsonian magazine:

The Pros to Being a Psychopath | Science & Nature | Smithsonian Magazine

Loomis - <3

I'm in the process of looking at those books / articles, thank you so much.

Fun fact, not only is Simon Baron-Cohen Sasha Baron-Cohen's (Ali G, The Dictator, Bruno) father but he is also a patron of the charity my wife used to be the fund raiser for, Resources For Autism.

I am acquainted (I would not say "friends with") a psychopath, and honestly, I like him well enough--and for what it's worth, he is very much in denial about his sociopathy (as far as he will go is admitting his narcissistic tendencies). I agree completely with King_Oni. He is who he is, however your (and others') perspective on him may be.

First of all, I commend your friend for being brave enough to get diagnosed and to share it with you. I agree with the other posters, that unless he is acting in a way that makes you believe he is a danger to himself or others, I would stand by him. He is going to need all the support he can get. There is so much negativity out there about these things just as there is about being on the spectrum. Would you want people to avoid you because of a label?

Just because one is "diagnosed" as a "psychopath" does not mean they are destined to act out in evil ways. In fact, because your friend now knows this vital thing about himself, he can work on whatever negative tendencies he has. The most dangerous people, in my opinion, are those who have not been diagnosed, who are just happy with the way things are and see no reason whatsoever to change. If you have had a good friendship with this person up to now, a label should not change anything.