Tomorrow I go to see the financial aid counselor at school. Frankly, I am not optimistic about my chances for financial aid, especially after a conversation I had over the phone with someone who works in the financial aid office. This person said based on the information I sent them I was not eligible because I am "too wealthy." That is why I live in a crappy rundown trailer park and drive a 13-year-old car, because I just don't want anyone to know. My friend says they do everyone like that at the financial aid office and she is going with me tomorrow. Whatever. I feel like I am just going through the motions with this school thing.
I have been in a rather low mood ever since that exercise at church where we had to take steps forward or backwards according to what questions were asked. Mainly because I can no longer pretend to myself (although I still must to others) what the reality of my situation is. It was there, graphically displayed in the squares of the church carpet. I am at the back of the pack, always have been and always will be. Yes, I know that there are people worse off than me, that much of the developing world would love to be standing in my shoes. At least I have clothes on my back, a roof over my head, and food to eat (maybe too much). I should be grateful and happy. But why do I have this nagging feeling that there ought to be more to life than just that? That if there is a God, why did he give me gifts that could not possibly be used?
Anyway, I am going to school. Why? Duty, I guess. I have six credits to go. There is no reason not to get my degree. But I have to ask, why? What in God's name am I going to use an associate's degree for at my age? It is not going to bring me any more money at work (despite what my friend said). It is not going to make me any more employable. The only reason I am going is because there is no reason not to. I might as well git 'er done. Yes, that is my attitude. Git 'er done and over with it. I am doing it because it will make my boss happy, it will make my friend happy, it will make others around me happy, and I can at last stop saying I am only a high school graduate. But it is only an associates degree. It doesn't have the clout of a Batchelor's or a Masters or a Ph.D. It is no big deal, really. I mean, come on. I know that is how certain members of my family will look upon it. That they won't bother coming or even sending me a card or emailing me congratulations. There will only be silence. I learned that years ago when I won that writing contest. Turned out I was the only one who thought it was a big deal. "Just because it's important to you, doesn't mean it's important to others. You can't expect people to be interested in something that you are interested in." Yes, that is what was said to me at that time. And you know what, they were right. It's really not important. It's just a formality that I am going through the motions for because it's expected of me. I have no valid reason to back out now.
I have to take a political science class. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading that kind of stuff and I picked classes that I thought would interest me and even be a bit of a challenge. But again, what in God's name am I going to use that information for? Oh, yes, I know all the arguments for a liberal arts education, broaden the horizons, make you a better thinker, expose you to more ideas, etc. But at the end of the day, what is the difference really between the classes I have to take to get my degree and the personal enrichment classes offered at the local high school. None, except you have to pay more for the "required" class, and it does offer "credit."
Some years ago one of my neighbors, who had just graduated from high school, asked me, "Why is it necessary to study history?" I started out with the canned speech and stopped in mid-stream as I pondered her future as an unskilled factory worker. "For you," I said, "there is no need. You will never use it. It was an utter waste of your time in high school, as it will not increase your ability to earn more. It will do absolutely nothing for you at all, unless it is something you like to learn about in your spare time." I think I shocked her. But it's the truth. She will never, ever go on to college. She doesn't have what it takes to do well in that environment, neither financially nor intellectually. and to force someone like that to take courses that are only of value if you plan to go to college, is a waste of time. There is a reason Simon and Garfunkle sing "When I look back at all the crap I learned in high school, it's a wonder I can even think at all."
I'm not anti-education, but it seems to me that education, especially a classic liberal arts/humanities education, has always been geared more to those at the front of the pack, the ones who are midway across the room while the rest of us have barely left the starting wall. I am not denying that my education has not enriched me in many ways, but at the end of the day, it is not that education that puts food on my table, clothes on my back and a roof over my head. When you are at the back of the pack, and it looks like you are destined to stay there, it becomes a no-brainer which kind of education is more valuable in the debate over vocational versus liberal arts. I realize that in my family it is heresy to say so but the fact is I could have benefited more from a solid vocational education such as secretarial work rather than the college prep they insisted I take.
I have been in a rather low mood ever since that exercise at church where we had to take steps forward or backwards according to what questions were asked. Mainly because I can no longer pretend to myself (although I still must to others) what the reality of my situation is. It was there, graphically displayed in the squares of the church carpet. I am at the back of the pack, always have been and always will be. Yes, I know that there are people worse off than me, that much of the developing world would love to be standing in my shoes. At least I have clothes on my back, a roof over my head, and food to eat (maybe too much). I should be grateful and happy. But why do I have this nagging feeling that there ought to be more to life than just that? That if there is a God, why did he give me gifts that could not possibly be used?
Anyway, I am going to school. Why? Duty, I guess. I have six credits to go. There is no reason not to get my degree. But I have to ask, why? What in God's name am I going to use an associate's degree for at my age? It is not going to bring me any more money at work (despite what my friend said). It is not going to make me any more employable. The only reason I am going is because there is no reason not to. I might as well git 'er done. Yes, that is my attitude. Git 'er done and over with it. I am doing it because it will make my boss happy, it will make my friend happy, it will make others around me happy, and I can at last stop saying I am only a high school graduate. But it is only an associates degree. It doesn't have the clout of a Batchelor's or a Masters or a Ph.D. It is no big deal, really. I mean, come on. I know that is how certain members of my family will look upon it. That they won't bother coming or even sending me a card or emailing me congratulations. There will only be silence. I learned that years ago when I won that writing contest. Turned out I was the only one who thought it was a big deal. "Just because it's important to you, doesn't mean it's important to others. You can't expect people to be interested in something that you are interested in." Yes, that is what was said to me at that time. And you know what, they were right. It's really not important. It's just a formality that I am going through the motions for because it's expected of me. I have no valid reason to back out now.
I have to take a political science class. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading that kind of stuff and I picked classes that I thought would interest me and even be a bit of a challenge. But again, what in God's name am I going to use that information for? Oh, yes, I know all the arguments for a liberal arts education, broaden the horizons, make you a better thinker, expose you to more ideas, etc. But at the end of the day, what is the difference really between the classes I have to take to get my degree and the personal enrichment classes offered at the local high school. None, except you have to pay more for the "required" class, and it does offer "credit."
Some years ago one of my neighbors, who had just graduated from high school, asked me, "Why is it necessary to study history?" I started out with the canned speech and stopped in mid-stream as I pondered her future as an unskilled factory worker. "For you," I said, "there is no need. You will never use it. It was an utter waste of your time in high school, as it will not increase your ability to earn more. It will do absolutely nothing for you at all, unless it is something you like to learn about in your spare time." I think I shocked her. But it's the truth. She will never, ever go on to college. She doesn't have what it takes to do well in that environment, neither financially nor intellectually. and to force someone like that to take courses that are only of value if you plan to go to college, is a waste of time. There is a reason Simon and Garfunkle sing "When I look back at all the crap I learned in high school, it's a wonder I can even think at all."
I'm not anti-education, but it seems to me that education, especially a classic liberal arts/humanities education, has always been geared more to those at the front of the pack, the ones who are midway across the room while the rest of us have barely left the starting wall. I am not denying that my education has not enriched me in many ways, but at the end of the day, it is not that education that puts food on my table, clothes on my back and a roof over my head. When you are at the back of the pack, and it looks like you are destined to stay there, it becomes a no-brainer which kind of education is more valuable in the debate over vocational versus liberal arts. I realize that in my family it is heresy to say so but the fact is I could have benefited more from a solid vocational education such as secretarial work rather than the college prep they insisted I take.
