Would I be happier not being me? Right now, I'm more inclined to think so.
I hate that I just completely ****ing fail to understand others in the majority of situations, I'm a complete mess of wrong directions and I can't ever seem to keep anything the way I would want it.
I really rely on social interaction for some kind of happiness, but with so many factors that stop me going out (anxiety, no one to go out with, wanting to go out with Charlotte but her making every excuse not to) I just can't ever ****ing get that. On top of Charlotte and I being completely opposite in the attention / affection stakes (When I am really down, I need and want attention, Charlotte wants nothing less) this just makes me worse which will cause a reaction in her.
She just can't get what I need or put aside what the **** she is feeling, even just for me. We are both going through so ****ing much but she just can't just randomly think that I am down and need even just a hug or whatever.
I.. what's the ****ing point in any of this. I'm just so ****ing tired of being me, I just want to be ****ing normal and not care, not have these ****ing **** problems and just function like a normal ****ing person because I am far from normal or easy to live with and I'd rather be normal and opposite to who the **** I am because I'm far from being ****ing happy with who I am.
I hate that I just completely ****ing fail to understand others in the majority of situations, I'm a complete mess of wrong directions and I can't ever seem to keep anything the way I would want it.
I really rely on social interaction for some kind of happiness, but with so many factors that stop me going out (anxiety, no one to go out with, wanting to go out with Charlotte but her making every excuse not to) I just can't ever ****ing get that. On top of Charlotte and I being completely opposite in the attention / affection stakes (When I am really down, I need and want attention, Charlotte wants nothing less) this just makes me worse which will cause a reaction in her.
She just can't get what I need or put aside what the **** she is feeling, even just for me. We are both going through so ****ing much but she just can't just randomly think that I am down and need even just a hug or whatever.
I.. what's the ****ing point in any of this. I'm just so ****ing tired of being me, I just want to be ****ing normal and not care, not have these ****ing **** problems and just function like a normal ****ing person because I am far from normal or easy to live with and I'd rather be normal and opposite to who the **** I am because I'm far from being ****ing happy with who I am.
