Well, after much, much, much pleading by the Sunday evening Bible group leader, I have consented (although unwillingly) to appear before the group for a conflict resolution meeting. I am not optimistic about the results and I have already moved on in my mind.
What started the furor were two questions. Who is welcome here and who is not welcome here? Are we sending off signals that might give an outsider the wrong impression about those things?
That started off a shitstorm of activity behind my back that I was totally unaware of, led by a certain gentleman who has a reputation for making racist remarks. This is the same gentleman who was so offended by a play put on by my community theater that he jumped all over me about it. I learned later from my fellow players that he had also sent them an angry letter explaining what was wrong politically with the play (it was antiwar and he's a veteran), and I do believe that if he'd been able to find the poor playwright he would have attacked her physically. His wife told me that she had to restrain him from going up on stage during the performance. So you can see what we are dealing with here. He's a loose cannon and a liability to the church and so far they've let him slide.
Anyway the more the group leader has told me about what has been going on the worse it gets and I finally told her I do not want to talk about it anymore. It sounds like everyone has made their decision and we should all move on. I am finding out now that things are being dragged up from my defection a year ago, and that this gentleman has taken the intragroup conflict out into the church at large and saying things about me, to the point where the pastor has become involved. This, as I pointed out to the group leader, is a violation of our group agreement. Yet I am the one who is to be the focus of tonight's meeting. This is exactly why I don't want to go. I said to the group leader that it sounded like I was being scapegoated and that I am afraid this is going to turn into an inquisition. She--after some hesitation--agreed that this was indeed what was going on and that she and the other group leader have handled things very badly (ya think?). That if someone had a problem with me they should have gone to me directly. Now, it is too late. Things have spiraled out of control.
I said that it looks like I have gotten an answer to my question, which was only meant to start a discussion on group identity. It wasn't the answer I wanted or expected, but it is an answer and quite revealing. They--stirred up by this gentleman--assumed I was attacking them and closed ranks against me. Which is quite understandable. My fault was misjudging the group's capacity to understand questions like these, according to the group leader. She still thinks our theological and Biblical differences should not be a barrier to our being able to fellowship together. However, if I am dealing with people who don't have the educational level in general to understand why I don't always agree with them, then that is a sure sign of incompatibility and puts me in a position where I am biting my tongue much of the time. Especially when it seems to me that they are being taken advantage of and lied to by people like Ken Ham and Answers in Genesis. And that is not something you can say tactfully. The reason I left is the same reason an ancestor of mine who found himself in hot water with the Puritans of Massachusetts Bay Colony gave when they asked him why he wasn't in church on Sundays: "I have better things to do with my time than listen to lies." He's lucky they simply banished him from the colony. I am more of a coward than he. I have no desire to face the group's wrath.
So I said that I would come and make apology for hurting and upsetting people and we hammered out a short, neutral statement that ought to appease people, or at least the more moderate ones. However, I warned her, I am not going to discuss anything other than the two questions that upset people. My reasons for leaving and my beliefs or lack of them are not up for discussion. Period. This is not going to turn into an inquisition or a trial, and if it does, I am getting up and walking out without further ado.
What started the furor were two questions. Who is welcome here and who is not welcome here? Are we sending off signals that might give an outsider the wrong impression about those things?
That started off a shitstorm of activity behind my back that I was totally unaware of, led by a certain gentleman who has a reputation for making racist remarks. This is the same gentleman who was so offended by a play put on by my community theater that he jumped all over me about it. I learned later from my fellow players that he had also sent them an angry letter explaining what was wrong politically with the play (it was antiwar and he's a veteran), and I do believe that if he'd been able to find the poor playwright he would have attacked her physically. His wife told me that she had to restrain him from going up on stage during the performance. So you can see what we are dealing with here. He's a loose cannon and a liability to the church and so far they've let him slide.
Anyway the more the group leader has told me about what has been going on the worse it gets and I finally told her I do not want to talk about it anymore. It sounds like everyone has made their decision and we should all move on. I am finding out now that things are being dragged up from my defection a year ago, and that this gentleman has taken the intragroup conflict out into the church at large and saying things about me, to the point where the pastor has become involved. This, as I pointed out to the group leader, is a violation of our group agreement. Yet I am the one who is to be the focus of tonight's meeting. This is exactly why I don't want to go. I said to the group leader that it sounded like I was being scapegoated and that I am afraid this is going to turn into an inquisition. She--after some hesitation--agreed that this was indeed what was going on and that she and the other group leader have handled things very badly (ya think?). That if someone had a problem with me they should have gone to me directly. Now, it is too late. Things have spiraled out of control.
I said that it looks like I have gotten an answer to my question, which was only meant to start a discussion on group identity. It wasn't the answer I wanted or expected, but it is an answer and quite revealing. They--stirred up by this gentleman--assumed I was attacking them and closed ranks against me. Which is quite understandable. My fault was misjudging the group's capacity to understand questions like these, according to the group leader. She still thinks our theological and Biblical differences should not be a barrier to our being able to fellowship together. However, if I am dealing with people who don't have the educational level in general to understand why I don't always agree with them, then that is a sure sign of incompatibility and puts me in a position where I am biting my tongue much of the time. Especially when it seems to me that they are being taken advantage of and lied to by people like Ken Ham and Answers in Genesis. And that is not something you can say tactfully. The reason I left is the same reason an ancestor of mine who found himself in hot water with the Puritans of Massachusetts Bay Colony gave when they asked him why he wasn't in church on Sundays: "I have better things to do with my time than listen to lies." He's lucky they simply banished him from the colony. I am more of a coward than he. I have no desire to face the group's wrath.
So I said that I would come and make apology for hurting and upsetting people and we hammered out a short, neutral statement that ought to appease people, or at least the more moderate ones. However, I warned her, I am not going to discuss anything other than the two questions that upset people. My reasons for leaving and my beliefs or lack of them are not up for discussion. Period. This is not going to turn into an inquisition or a trial, and if it does, I am getting up and walking out without further ado.