My main stressor in life has always been having to live with other people. I'm far from being some kind of hateful weirdo (although 'weirdo' is subjective), but some of us are just not meant to live with other people, which can mean absolute hell if you're not exactly well off financially and inevitably having to houseshare or live with family. So I've put together a brief list of the top things I absolutely loathe about co-habiting with anyone - hope others can empathise!
1. Things getting moved and changed around.
As others with AS will agree, constants are comforting. The feeling that everything is just how and where you left it. Nothing is worse than hearing the words "hey I cleaned up your stuff for you!" - enough to send me into a fit of anxiety and rage. I'm sure people are well-meaning but please leave my stuff where it is, it's there for a reason and not just because I'm a lazy a-hole. Not to mention that your home should be a 'safe' place where you come home to, and not knowing if the other person(s) has rearranged furniture, chucked things out, broken your things, etc - no wonder I stay indoors so much. In contrast, I get the feeling that NTs in general really aren't bothered about this kind of thing, and that if someone started doing their laundry or organising their room they'd be thrilled.
2. Noise.
Whether you're dealing with a shared party house of screaming drunkards or living with parents who spend all night with the TV volume on full, few things are more irritating than unwanted noise. Especially if you have sensory issues with those kinds of noises - I love nothing more than the blissful sound of silence. It does help to invest in a cheap multipack of earplugs or some good headphones if unwanted noise is a regular issue, since even if you do have polite discussions with the other household members about their noise, they will more than likely be oblivious to other annoying noises they make.
3. Visitors.
The embarrasement and awkwardness of coming downstairs in your pyjamas, headband, no makeup and Hello Kitty slippers, then realising you have guests. Worse if it's someone you find slightly attractive. Like I said, your home should be a safe place and any unannounced events like visitors should preferably be mentioned at least 24 hours in advance. At the best of times I'm still not prepared for having other people in my home. Even more annoying if it's someone who eats your food and then proceeds to make a mess in your bathroom.
4. Cleanliness, hygiene and mess.
Speaking of ungodly messes in the bathroom, living with other people means dealing with their germs and dirty habits. Sharing any bathroom-related appliances is the worst - there's getting to know someone, and then there's really getting to know someone. No thank you. Or when you've planned to do laundry/cook for an afternoon, and the other person has left their washing on a 4 hour pre-soak, or they're appearing to bake cakes for all the inhabitants of a small country. No, I can't just "change plans" - if I've committed to doing a particular actiivity, there's no way it's not going to get done.
5. Getting in your space and business.
Most of us here just prefer to be left alone the majority of the time, to do our own things and live life peacefully with minimal interference. Please don't keep pestering me why I get so many letters from the doctor (mental health review appointments mostly), why I have so much food in my fridge space (going to the supermarket is emotionally draining so I stock up), or why I "freak out" about similar to the aforementioned issues. Just please give me space, be nice and please occupy yourself with something else that isn't my business!
I don't think any of us with AS are really designed for living with other people - generally we need our own space and our own space is sacred, which NTs don't always understand. What else have I missed off this list? And if you are stuck living with others for any reason, what helps you get through it?
1. Things getting moved and changed around.
As others with AS will agree, constants are comforting. The feeling that everything is just how and where you left it. Nothing is worse than hearing the words "hey I cleaned up your stuff for you!" - enough to send me into a fit of anxiety and rage. I'm sure people are well-meaning but please leave my stuff where it is, it's there for a reason and not just because I'm a lazy a-hole. Not to mention that your home should be a 'safe' place where you come home to, and not knowing if the other person(s) has rearranged furniture, chucked things out, broken your things, etc - no wonder I stay indoors so much. In contrast, I get the feeling that NTs in general really aren't bothered about this kind of thing, and that if someone started doing their laundry or organising their room they'd be thrilled.
2. Noise.
Whether you're dealing with a shared party house of screaming drunkards or living with parents who spend all night with the TV volume on full, few things are more irritating than unwanted noise. Especially if you have sensory issues with those kinds of noises - I love nothing more than the blissful sound of silence. It does help to invest in a cheap multipack of earplugs or some good headphones if unwanted noise is a regular issue, since even if you do have polite discussions with the other household members about their noise, they will more than likely be oblivious to other annoying noises they make.
3. Visitors.
The embarrasement and awkwardness of coming downstairs in your pyjamas, headband, no makeup and Hello Kitty slippers, then realising you have guests. Worse if it's someone you find slightly attractive. Like I said, your home should be a safe place and any unannounced events like visitors should preferably be mentioned at least 24 hours in advance. At the best of times I'm still not prepared for having other people in my home. Even more annoying if it's someone who eats your food and then proceeds to make a mess in your bathroom.
4. Cleanliness, hygiene and mess.
Speaking of ungodly messes in the bathroom, living with other people means dealing with their germs and dirty habits. Sharing any bathroom-related appliances is the worst - there's getting to know someone, and then there's really getting to know someone. No thank you. Or when you've planned to do laundry/cook for an afternoon, and the other person has left their washing on a 4 hour pre-soak, or they're appearing to bake cakes for all the inhabitants of a small country. No, I can't just "change plans" - if I've committed to doing a particular actiivity, there's no way it's not going to get done.
5. Getting in your space and business.
Most of us here just prefer to be left alone the majority of the time, to do our own things and live life peacefully with minimal interference. Please don't keep pestering me why I get so many letters from the doctor (mental health review appointments mostly), why I have so much food in my fridge space (going to the supermarket is emotionally draining so I stock up), or why I "freak out" about similar to the aforementioned issues. Just please give me space, be nice and please occupy yourself with something else that isn't my business!
I don't think any of us with AS are really designed for living with other people - generally we need our own space and our own space is sacred, which NTs don't always understand. What else have I missed off this list? And if you are stuck living with others for any reason, what helps you get through it?
