I had to yell at one of my doctors yesterday.
To give a head's up: This is about way more than girly hormone stuff, so you might want to stick around if it would otherwise weird you out.
I started a new birth control recently. I had been on a hormonal shot for a long time- part of this is for birth control but part of it is because it assists with mood and also reduces seizure activity.
I decided to switch over to an implant of basically the same hormones- it's very very small, smaller than a matchstick. You have it shot under your arm [with basically a big needle- it's not horrible] and it very slowly releases a precise amount steadily over three years. Then it is removed at that time.
This is a better option because I already have a million appointments, and making the shot appointments all the time adds on to that. Plus the implant releases a much steadier stream of hormone.
Ok done with background crap.
---
I wait and wait and wait to have this damn appointment to get this done. And my GP knew, and had sent the whole background to the Gyn that I was going to see. So everyone knew the plan for a long time- and everyone has access to the same medical record and medications, because it's the same medical complex.
I FINALLY go to the appointment and basically have to make a case for this thing, not because the doctor doesn't want me to have it but I guess- she wants to make sure I feel it's the best option for me. She double checks what i know about it, asks if I'm interested in other options, etc etc. She checks my med list. A nurse checks my med list. Before I go, I ask if I'm supposed to have the patient leaflet that is sitting on the desk from the packaging and she is pretty non-committal about whether I need it or not. But I take it, because... that's just what I do.
SO GOOD FREAKING THING.
Why?
I'm on topiramate, an antiepileptic. I have been for a few years, at a very high dose. I'm reading the patient leaflet a couple days ago and see that it says specifically that AEDs like topiramate can lower the effectiveness of the birth control. The birth control which is often marked at around 99.95% effective. No, really.
It gets better.
When I look it up online, I find studies and medical and pharm recommendations and guidelines that say anything over 200mg of topiramate- SPECIFICALLY TOPIRAMATE- causes a high failure rate in this birth control. I have been taking 500mg for years. Two people checked my med list with me.
I am really F***ING PISSED.
This is beyond not ok. This isn't like... oh I wrote the wrong dosage, or even writing the wrong script or something. A pharmacy could catch that.
This is completely irresponsible. The thing is- I'm pissed about this. I'm pissed about like, the vast majority of interactions regarding my medical care with in at least the last five years. I pretty constantly have to get pissy and pushy with my care providers at this point.
For a large part of the beginning of the appointment- the Gyn was super focused on how the bipolar was going, am I compliant on my meds, etc etc etc.
It's not her damn job. she's supposed to, basically, attend to my hormones and lady parts.
Why does EVERY DOCTOR I SEE think it's their job to give me a mini psych eval? Because of this kind of ridiculous attitude, I don't get the care I need. This is just one example. FOCUS ON YOUR JOB. I HAVE A PSYCHIATRIST.
---
And, so my situation is getting better.
But... better still includes royally screwing myself up because I walked around the store carrying a gallon of almond milk for like ten minutes.
...that's... better.
Also, I'm already having cognitive issues coming out my ears, and we have to change up my anti-epilepsy meds. Because of the nature of the medication, this is literally going to take at least two months to coordinate the switched dosages... we could have done this while waiting for the appointment to get the implant. And, by the way- I looked for this information on the implant, I just didn't look for the right thing. But it was in the leaflet that got sent home- it's the doctor's job to know this.
She basically almost prescribed me a new kid.
i'm sorry. I'm really frustrated and cranky and I just don't think I have a
[insert positive after thought here] for right now.
My left shoulder and back and the side of my neck and my face hurt and I'm frustrated because I have to just accept at some point that I am never even getting a fraction of the life I had back- and frankly, it was kind of a junky, falling apart life to begin with. At least I had choices- even if they were hard or not ideal.
At least I could pursue a goal other than "wake up tomorrow".
---
Not happy. The only thing that helps right now is maybe feeling like I'm in any way possibly helpful to anyone else in existence; the reality is that I do nothing right now and haven't for a long time.
I can't really account for the last year except for: Depressed, Medication, Pain, Doctors. Figure out how to make tomorrow happen. Head down, keep going.
I'll wake up tomorrow and reassess. Like every other day. In the meantime probably make some chocolate almond milk because I didn't drag that damned gallon around the store for nothing.
To give a head's up: This is about way more than girly hormone stuff, so you might want to stick around if it would otherwise weird you out.
I started a new birth control recently. I had been on a hormonal shot for a long time- part of this is for birth control but part of it is because it assists with mood and also reduces seizure activity.
I decided to switch over to an implant of basically the same hormones- it's very very small, smaller than a matchstick. You have it shot under your arm [with basically a big needle- it's not horrible] and it very slowly releases a precise amount steadily over three years. Then it is removed at that time.
This is a better option because I already have a million appointments, and making the shot appointments all the time adds on to that. Plus the implant releases a much steadier stream of hormone.
Ok done with background crap.
---
I wait and wait and wait to have this damn appointment to get this done. And my GP knew, and had sent the whole background to the Gyn that I was going to see. So everyone knew the plan for a long time- and everyone has access to the same medical record and medications, because it's the same medical complex.
I FINALLY go to the appointment and basically have to make a case for this thing, not because the doctor doesn't want me to have it but I guess- she wants to make sure I feel it's the best option for me. She double checks what i know about it, asks if I'm interested in other options, etc etc. She checks my med list. A nurse checks my med list. Before I go, I ask if I'm supposed to have the patient leaflet that is sitting on the desk from the packaging and she is pretty non-committal about whether I need it or not. But I take it, because... that's just what I do.
SO GOOD FREAKING THING.
Why?
I'm on topiramate, an antiepileptic. I have been for a few years, at a very high dose. I'm reading the patient leaflet a couple days ago and see that it says specifically that AEDs like topiramate can lower the effectiveness of the birth control. The birth control which is often marked at around 99.95% effective. No, really.
It gets better.
When I look it up online, I find studies and medical and pharm recommendations and guidelines that say anything over 200mg of topiramate- SPECIFICALLY TOPIRAMATE- causes a high failure rate in this birth control. I have been taking 500mg for years. Two people checked my med list with me.
I am really F***ING PISSED.
This is beyond not ok. This isn't like... oh I wrote the wrong dosage, or even writing the wrong script or something. A pharmacy could catch that.
This is completely irresponsible. The thing is- I'm pissed about this. I'm pissed about like, the vast majority of interactions regarding my medical care with in at least the last five years. I pretty constantly have to get pissy and pushy with my care providers at this point.
For a large part of the beginning of the appointment- the Gyn was super focused on how the bipolar was going, am I compliant on my meds, etc etc etc.
It's not her damn job. she's supposed to, basically, attend to my hormones and lady parts.
Why does EVERY DOCTOR I SEE think it's their job to give me a mini psych eval? Because of this kind of ridiculous attitude, I don't get the care I need. This is just one example. FOCUS ON YOUR JOB. I HAVE A PSYCHIATRIST.
---
And, so my situation is getting better.
But... better still includes royally screwing myself up because I walked around the store carrying a gallon of almond milk for like ten minutes.
...that's... better.
Also, I'm already having cognitive issues coming out my ears, and we have to change up my anti-epilepsy meds. Because of the nature of the medication, this is literally going to take at least two months to coordinate the switched dosages... we could have done this while waiting for the appointment to get the implant. And, by the way- I looked for this information on the implant, I just didn't look for the right thing. But it was in the leaflet that got sent home- it's the doctor's job to know this.
She basically almost prescribed me a new kid.
i'm sorry. I'm really frustrated and cranky and I just don't think I have a
[insert positive after thought here] for right now.
My left shoulder and back and the side of my neck and my face hurt and I'm frustrated because I have to just accept at some point that I am never even getting a fraction of the life I had back- and frankly, it was kind of a junky, falling apart life to begin with. At least I had choices- even if they were hard or not ideal.
At least I could pursue a goal other than "wake up tomorrow".
---
Not happy. The only thing that helps right now is maybe feeling like I'm in any way possibly helpful to anyone else in existence; the reality is that I do nothing right now and haven't for a long time.
I can't really account for the last year except for: Depressed, Medication, Pain, Doctors. Figure out how to make tomorrow happen. Head down, keep going.
I'll wake up tomorrow and reassess. Like every other day. In the meantime probably make some chocolate almond milk because I didn't drag that damned gallon around the store for nothing.
