Checking in Again

Been so depressed lately. Got myself in a bit of a bind really. Can't drive. Mom lied to me for years saying what was actually my photo learners permit was a real drivers license. I just feel so trapped here. If I could just learn to drive and get my license I could move out. I thought dad was going to divorce mom and move out by new years cause that's what he said would happen but now he's not so sure. Idk what he's waiting for its inevitable. I'd been hoping he would. I don't want to have to do all of this and be ready to get out in a few months' time. I wanted to move out with dad and live with him and learn the ropes. But its either that or suicide and being brutally honest with myself once again, I don't genuinely want to die and I know that. I just feel trapped by my own circumstances some of which are of my own creation. Last time I tried to put myself first I ended up in this situation so maybe this will go belly up too, idk. If it does, hey at least I tried and could die saying I tried. I just wanna live long enough to try my damnest and get to see who our next president is and play pokemon sun and moon. All I know is, is that I have to get out of all of this. Dad's unreliable when it really counts even if I do like him. I get along with him just fine. He just never follows through and he never did stick up for me as a kid. Even if I end up moved out, starving, and barely making it. Or the total opposite extreme - failing completely, giving up, and killing myself. But I don't want that and I never have, its just hard to see a different way out sometimes. I don't think I'm capable of doing what it takes to get out save rare moments in which I do. Typing this I don't even think I can. But I honestly believe its the only way I'd ever be content with myself, maybe even happy. Don't know till ya try, right? And try, try again and all that.