I've made it through my first month back in med school. It's been quite the month. In january I was sitting at home, overweight, chainsmoking, binge drinking and worrying about the future. These last four weeks I've spent twelve hours a day studying, I've stopped smoking, hardly had a drink, and I've taken up running. I'm still overweight though, but we can't expect miracles 
It's paid off, I've officially passed 5 of 6 tests and am awaiting the results of no 6 full of optimism. Tomorrow is my first day back in the hospital, returning as a medical intern for my final test of competence to show that I am ready to receive my medical license. I feel ready. I've never been so motivated, I've never felt this prepared, I've never studied this hard.
But there's a bit of a downside to this as well. I've not seen my friends for three weeks as I've been too busy during the day and too tired at night. I've cancelled all my appointments and have missed my own boyfriend's birthday party, because I had to take a big exam the day after.
While most of my friends understand that I need to focus on my studies, not all of them are equally understanding and there's increased grumbling to be heard. And tensions on the homefront are rising as well. My boyfriend works at a night club 5 nights a week. I'm used to sleeping alone most of the time, but I'm getting increasingly annoyed with his long hours now that I'm not drinking or smoking, and on a completely opposite sleep schedule. I love the man to death, but all the love in the world doesn't negate the tidal wave of irritation that hits me when I'm quietly studying early in the morning and he walks in, still awake from the day before, very chatty, not quite sober, reeking of smoke, booze and cheesy feet. I'm always happy to see him return, but I want him to go to sleep immediately as businesslike morning-me cannot cope with this version of him. It leads to some very tense situations.
We've been on opposing schedules ever since we got together, but now that I'm making some serious changes in my life, there's a shift in the balance of our relationship. It's a balance we know we'll figure out and regain, but it's quite the struggle for now. For example: when is the best time to discuss these issues? When he's just come home and not sober? Or late in the afternoon, when he's just woken up and I've been stewing over things all day. Or in the evening, when he's at his best, but I'm grumpy and sleepy. Tricky things.
Making time to do things together is hard for the same reasons. We've been planning to have a date night for weeks, but since our free days don't overlap and our sleep cycles are opposite we've had to settle for "physically being in the same room" to count as date night. It's frustrating to spend so many hours a day in the same house, yet to feel incredibly alone all the same.
I haven't been the easiest person to live with these last few weeks either. Quitting smoking has had the stereotypical effect on my (normally fairly stable) emotions. At home, I've been very quick to anger, and constantly on the verge of tears over nothing. I get annoyed at inanimate objects. I've been yelling at a baking tray for being in the wrong cupboard. Fun times As an added bonus, the withdrawal has messed up my hormonal balance so much that I've pretty much been PMSing for three weeks. I feel quite sorry for my boyfriend for having to live on an emotional minefield 
To sum it all up: Some very good things are happening. Some not-so-fun things are happening. I'm still very optimistic about my future, but I'm having a bit of a struggle trying to figure out how to get there while keeping all these balls in the air.
It's paid off, I've officially passed 5 of 6 tests and am awaiting the results of no 6 full of optimism. Tomorrow is my first day back in the hospital, returning as a medical intern for my final test of competence to show that I am ready to receive my medical license. I feel ready. I've never been so motivated, I've never felt this prepared, I've never studied this hard.
But there's a bit of a downside to this as well. I've not seen my friends for three weeks as I've been too busy during the day and too tired at night. I've cancelled all my appointments and have missed my own boyfriend's birthday party, because I had to take a big exam the day after.
While most of my friends understand that I need to focus on my studies, not all of them are equally understanding and there's increased grumbling to be heard. And tensions on the homefront are rising as well. My boyfriend works at a night club 5 nights a week. I'm used to sleeping alone most of the time, but I'm getting increasingly annoyed with his long hours now that I'm not drinking or smoking, and on a completely opposite sleep schedule. I love the man to death, but all the love in the world doesn't negate the tidal wave of irritation that hits me when I'm quietly studying early in the morning and he walks in, still awake from the day before, very chatty, not quite sober, reeking of smoke, booze and cheesy feet. I'm always happy to see him return, but I want him to go to sleep immediately as businesslike morning-me cannot cope with this version of him. It leads to some very tense situations.
We've been on opposing schedules ever since we got together, but now that I'm making some serious changes in my life, there's a shift in the balance of our relationship. It's a balance we know we'll figure out and regain, but it's quite the struggle for now. For example: when is the best time to discuss these issues? When he's just come home and not sober? Or late in the afternoon, when he's just woken up and I've been stewing over things all day. Or in the evening, when he's at his best, but I'm grumpy and sleepy. Tricky things.
Making time to do things together is hard for the same reasons. We've been planning to have a date night for weeks, but since our free days don't overlap and our sleep cycles are opposite we've had to settle for "physically being in the same room" to count as date night. It's frustrating to spend so many hours a day in the same house, yet to feel incredibly alone all the same.
I haven't been the easiest person to live with these last few weeks either. Quitting smoking has had the stereotypical effect on my (normally fairly stable) emotions. At home, I've been very quick to anger, and constantly on the verge of tears over nothing. I get annoyed at inanimate objects. I've been yelling at a baking tray for being in the wrong cupboard. Fun times
As an added bonus, the withdrawal has messed up my hormonal balance so much that I've pretty much been PMSing for three weeks. I feel quite sorry for my boyfriend for having to live on an emotional minefield To sum it all up: Some very good things are happening. Some not-so-fun things are happening. I'm still very optimistic about my future, but I'm having a bit of a struggle trying to figure out how to get there while keeping all these balls in the air.
