This is probably going to be a little long as I introduce you all to myself. I graduated high school in June of 2013. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself at that point. I'd applied to two colleges in New York, Syracuse and Cornell. Syracuse accepted me, but turned out to be too expensive for me. Cornell did not accept me. So I applied to AmeriCorps (volunteer program like Peace Corps, but just in U.S.) and was accepted. I went to California for training. The program was supposed to last ten months, but I didn't quite finish the training. I was sent home about a month into the program . They'd talked to me repeatedly about my lack of interaction with the other members on my team. I had a panic attack when they first mentioned that I might be sent home. The letter I was sent home with phrased it as lack of participation, but most of what they mentioned was social skill related.
When I got home I started to get depressed, though I didn't have a diagnosis at that point. I didn't know what to do with myself. That was late March of 2014. While I was in California, I met a girl (of course
). We flirted with each other a lot through texting and I interpreted that as meaning we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I texted her everyday and, eventually, she stopped wanting to reciprocate. She didn't want to talk on the phone or skype anymore and I assumed the worst. I continued to text her the same amount (in retrospect, I didn't give her much in the way of space). I started to self-harm around that time.
The girl told me that she was uncomfortable with all of the flirting we'd been doing. That same day I had been planning on telling her about the self-harm. I'm still not sure what I was expecting in the way of a response from her. I just know that I was freaking myself out and I wanted to talk about it with someone. I told her about it, anyway.
Nothing happened. Things seemed to continue to spiral downwards. I still self-harmed and we pretended as if it had never been mentioned.
I stopped flirting, but things, of course, continued to be awkward between us. I never figured out an appropriate amount of time to give her for space and never gave it unless it was specifically asked for. I just couldn't understand why she wasn't reciprocating. So I grew frustrated and spent a day texting her, telling her how frustrated I was that she didn't act like she wanted to be my friend. She said she didn't want to be friends anymore. I sent her a long apology e-mail a few days later. She asked for a few months space. I took that literally. It didn't work out and so I had a suicide attempt. I ended up in the hospital for psychiatric reasons and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and Asperger's Syndrome in October of 2014.
I'm starting to set things on fast forward. I'm getting tired right now and I don't want to overwhelm anyone so I'm going to pause this now. Before I upload this, I do want to say that this back story has a lot of similarities with a situation I'm currently in. I met a girl a couple of months ago and I've been overwhelming her by contacting her too frequently and I'm scared as all get out that I'm going to just end up alienating her like I did with the other girl. I haven't been flirting with her, but it has gotten to the point where she's asked for space and we've decided that it's best to have one text conversation a week and not to call without first discussing it.
When I got home I started to get depressed, though I didn't have a diagnosis at that point. I didn't know what to do with myself. That was late March of 2014. While I was in California, I met a girl (of course
). We flirted with each other a lot through texting and I interpreted that as meaning we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I texted her everyday and, eventually, she stopped wanting to reciprocate. She didn't want to talk on the phone or skype anymore and I assumed the worst. I continued to text her the same amount (in retrospect, I didn't give her much in the way of space). I started to self-harm around that time. The girl told me that she was uncomfortable with all of the flirting we'd been doing. That same day I had been planning on telling her about the self-harm. I'm still not sure what I was expecting in the way of a response from her. I just know that I was freaking myself out and I wanted to talk about it with someone. I told her about it, anyway.
Nothing happened. Things seemed to continue to spiral downwards. I still self-harmed and we pretended as if it had never been mentioned.
I stopped flirting, but things, of course, continued to be awkward between us. I never figured out an appropriate amount of time to give her for space and never gave it unless it was specifically asked for. I just couldn't understand why she wasn't reciprocating. So I grew frustrated and spent a day texting her, telling her how frustrated I was that she didn't act like she wanted to be my friend. She said she didn't want to be friends anymore. I sent her a long apology e-mail a few days later. She asked for a few months space. I took that literally. It didn't work out and so I had a suicide attempt. I ended up in the hospital for psychiatric reasons and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and Asperger's Syndrome in October of 2014.
I'm starting to set things on fast forward. I'm getting tired right now and I don't want to overwhelm anyone so I'm going to pause this now. Before I upload this, I do want to say that this back story has a lot of similarities with a situation I'm currently in. I met a girl a couple of months ago and I've been overwhelming her by contacting her too frequently and I'm scared as all get out that I'm going to just end up alienating her like I did with the other girl. I haven't been flirting with her, but it has gotten to the point where she's asked for space and we've decided that it's best to have one text conversation a week and not to call without first discussing it.
