My wife, Bobbi, and I met in 1993. Our first couple years together were, at times, turbulent. She was (and still is) a strong, independent, and responsible woman. I on the other hand, was close to imploding. I put too many quarters in the jute box, stayed out to late, and drove motorcycles way too fast. I was responsible at taking care of business, but lived life as if throwing dice in the air. When our heads butted I simply needed space. She was determined to resolve the issue right away. It was like throwing gas on a fire letting loose in my brain. I didn’t know what Aspergers was or why I reacted the way I did. Life until I learned this was simply a big puzzle. So many things I didn’t understand. I just knew I needed space and fast. I didn’t want to say something I’d regret or smack something like a wall, door, and even a tree once… it hurts!
Now when we have a spat, I clear out for a bit, concentrate on my breathing, and calm down. It can take 5 minutes or 5 hours. She doesn’t push the issue or feel the need to have things resolved that second. I get where she’s coming from and she gets where I’m taking the time to think through something. This one agreement wasn’t easy for either of us at first. Once we mastered it the issues in life that really mattered in life took a new focus. Instead of fighting with each other, we both did what we had to do in making it work.
Do others need space during intense disagreements or are you one that who desires a solution immediately? Theres no right or wrong in either approach, learning the fine balance of each, and when has been the key.
Now when we have a spat, I clear out for a bit, concentrate on my breathing, and calm down. It can take 5 minutes or 5 hours. She doesn’t push the issue or feel the need to have things resolved that second. I get where she’s coming from and she gets where I’m taking the time to think through something. This one agreement wasn’t easy for either of us at first. Once we mastered it the issues in life that really mattered in life took a new focus. Instead of fighting with each other, we both did what we had to do in making it work.
Do others need space during intense disagreements or are you one that who desires a solution immediately? Theres no right or wrong in either approach, learning the fine balance of each, and when has been the key.
