I decided to start my personal blog here as I did in the russian asperger's community. So, I started from the short description of myself an my life.
"Scaramouche" is a name of one of the clown characters from the french Comedia dell'Arte. I choosed it due to interest to the Renaissance times and because I always considered "funny" and "freaky" by many people.
My real name is Alexander, I'm from Russia and live in Novosibirsk, the capital of West Siberia. I firstly met the AS several years ago. I registered on an international dating site to meet some english-speaking girl. And during just several days I received 4 messages from different contacts. I never starting the conversation until I'll see the profile of my virtual companion so firstly I looking for these profiles. I was wondered that 3 profiles contained information about Asperger's syndrome and 1 about PDD-NOS. Then I became angry and said my parents that this is very strange that I attract only freaks and crazy people (this time I knowed nothing about ASD but thinked that AS and PDD-NOS are some type of psychic disorder). This was a very common dating site - i. e. not for aspies but for common people, that's why I was so wondered.
Later I met one woman on this site and after about 4 months of chatting she said me that she thinks that she have AS. So I became interested in this subject. A much later I passed several screening tests and took high scores in all of them. I also knowed from father that I was diagnosed as minimal brain dysfunction (virtually this is archaic term for ADD/ADHD) and was treated by nootropic preparations in childhood. Now I think that I have a kind of neurodiversity - possible a mild form of AS or PDD-NOS (but also maybe classified as having Social Communicative Disorder under the description of DSM-V)
So this is what traits I have today:
1. Communication disabilities since early childhood. I can't communicate with people efectively due to inability to "tune" myself to them, misunderstanding of non-verbal language (I learned about existence of a "body language" just several months ago!), low level of empathy (feel nothing when see the scenes of murdering, torture or just a various social situations) and presence of alexitimia (officially diagnosed by psychiatrist; can't describe most of my emotions and can recognize only basic emotions). Can't make friends and build relationships without proper advice.
2. Obsessions. Can be obsessed by everything I interested in. Have obsessions since childhood. Was obsessed by: insects, collectible alien toys, Transformers, zoology, microbiology, botany. Today I'm totally obsessed with musical instruments and early music. Actually I think that I can't feel love in a neurotypical sense - for me this is just another form of obsession or special interest.
3. Repetive movements. Have since childhood. The most common is a fast walking stim (common during breaks in the school and in university; also a common daily stim today). Also I had a nail-biting and chewing stims; today I have hair-twisting, skin-biting and (ocassionally) squinting stims.
4. Also have a bit unusual reactions to loud sounds - but I think that this is a relatively low level of sensory desintegration (as I have no meltdowns). The "trance-like" or "daydream-like" are the most common states when I'm outside home or in a noisy environment. Have irrational fear of unexpected loud sounds (rock-drills, car signals or bike motors). Have an unusual sensitivity to various food.
So that's a bit about myself. I feel much better after understanding my present state. Also I realized that autistic communities are much comfortable for me than the most common neurotypical sites - so I always open for good communication.
"Scaramouche" is a name of one of the clown characters from the french Comedia dell'Arte. I choosed it due to interest to the Renaissance times and because I always considered "funny" and "freaky" by many people.
My real name is Alexander, I'm from Russia and live in Novosibirsk, the capital of West Siberia. I firstly met the AS several years ago. I registered on an international dating site to meet some english-speaking girl. And during just several days I received 4 messages from different contacts. I never starting the conversation until I'll see the profile of my virtual companion so firstly I looking for these profiles. I was wondered that 3 profiles contained information about Asperger's syndrome and 1 about PDD-NOS. Then I became angry and said my parents that this is very strange that I attract only freaks and crazy people (this time I knowed nothing about ASD but thinked that AS and PDD-NOS are some type of psychic disorder). This was a very common dating site - i. e. not for aspies but for common people, that's why I was so wondered.
Later I met one woman on this site and after about 4 months of chatting she said me that she thinks that she have AS. So I became interested in this subject. A much later I passed several screening tests and took high scores in all of them. I also knowed from father that I was diagnosed as minimal brain dysfunction (virtually this is archaic term for ADD/ADHD) and was treated by nootropic preparations in childhood. Now I think that I have a kind of neurodiversity - possible a mild form of AS or PDD-NOS (but also maybe classified as having Social Communicative Disorder under the description of DSM-V)
So this is what traits I have today:
1. Communication disabilities since early childhood. I can't communicate with people efectively due to inability to "tune" myself to them, misunderstanding of non-verbal language (I learned about existence of a "body language" just several months ago!), low level of empathy (feel nothing when see the scenes of murdering, torture or just a various social situations) and presence of alexitimia (officially diagnosed by psychiatrist; can't describe most of my emotions and can recognize only basic emotions). Can't make friends and build relationships without proper advice.
2. Obsessions. Can be obsessed by everything I interested in. Have obsessions since childhood. Was obsessed by: insects, collectible alien toys, Transformers, zoology, microbiology, botany. Today I'm totally obsessed with musical instruments and early music. Actually I think that I can't feel love in a neurotypical sense - for me this is just another form of obsession or special interest.
3. Repetive movements. Have since childhood. The most common is a fast walking stim (common during breaks in the school and in university; also a common daily stim today). Also I had a nail-biting and chewing stims; today I have hair-twisting, skin-biting and (ocassionally) squinting stims.
4. Also have a bit unusual reactions to loud sounds - but I think that this is a relatively low level of sensory desintegration (as I have no meltdowns). The "trance-like" or "daydream-like" are the most common states when I'm outside home or in a noisy environment. Have irrational fear of unexpected loud sounds (rock-drills, car signals or bike motors). Have an unusual sensitivity to various food.
So that's a bit about myself. I feel much better after understanding my present state. Also I realized that autistic communities are much comfortable for me than the most common neurotypical sites - so I always open for good communication.
