A particularly interesting private conversation lead me to write something I'd like to make a little more public, and take in a direction other than the conversation went.
My new owner--er, employer--...(sigh). Freudian slips are so interesting, aren't they?
My new employer mandates diversity meetings. I recently attended a meeting called "Diversity at Work" by my current employer. It opened with an interactive lecture on what power groups and nonempowered groups are: men v. women, white v. nonwhite, native English speaker v. struggling speaker, rich v. poor, manager v. employee, handicapped v. ? (this was amusing, watching the thrash about what "handicapped" means anymore).
Then we talked what "power" behaviors are--and how to suspect if and when empowered behavior becomes entitled behavior. Entitled behavior offends. Empowered behavior can offend, but only as a measure of the question, "why couldn't I have done that?" Or, "How could you have done that?"
I believe the empowered own their power because they can derive enough authority from themselves to speak, with the humility to know they don't own all the truth. From that place, anything at all can be said: authority can be questioned, conventions challenged, and sacred cows slain on the altar of the common and sustainable good for all.
It's hard to hang on to humility, which, like humor, lends perspective. Perspective lends insight: there are other truths, as well as more facts. However, when I am the only representative of an unempowered group, and I am present among the empowered, it takes a very strong ego, a sustained flicker of self-esteem, to act as if I am empowered. Humility is ill-at-ease in such company. And it seems to me that NT behavior derives consistently from the experience of shared power through shared identity, a dynamic that I, personally, only understand through a limited lens and some harsh metaphors.
The NTs, particularly empowered NTs, see my behavior through a lens of their own.
"Who does she think she is?"
"Did she have to say that?"
I can't even tell you the number of times as a younger aspie that I've skirted the edge of trouble as a frustrated NT manager grudgingly allows that no, she's not insubordinate, exactly, but she's still not doing what I want! And why does she keep asking those questions? About things I assume, or am counting on being ignored?
With that in mind, I thought long and hard about the Diversity discussion, because I wanted to bring up autism. In fact, I couldn't stop myself from doing so. I found myself compelled to bring up, in my small group, non-obvious diversities such as autism (I'm aspie myself, and don't identify as autistic). Then flustered because as a woman, I'm on the unempowered side, but as the first speaker, I'm claiming power; as white, powered, in a group of one other white woman and three men of color, who are unempowered. Which I acknowledged, openly. I decided to sit on the unempowered side and be quiet, whereupon one of the men confided the story of his autistic daughter, now in middle school.
Two of the other men engaged as this happened. One used the telltale phrase "on the spectrum" and made strong eye contact with me as he did so; maybe he "made" me, maybe the stare back hid me. I don't know. When the time came to share with the bigger audience, the father of the autistic daughter presented.
I got my wish: autism discussed in the open, on what it gives, on what it is, on what it costs. By someone newly empowered to seize that opportunity.
What does this have to do with social dynamics on this site? Pretty much everything.
Here, aspies are in the majority, and empowered: formally, as mods and admins; popularly, as most of us are visibly spectrum people. NTs are almost as rare here as aspies are in the general population. Coming here is a rare NT experience for what it feels like to be in a minority that has no obvious "tag" in the form of visual difference or personal behavior.
Except through point of view, as articulated in visuals (avatar, media, and choice of media in context), and words (TYPOGRAPHY AS SHOUTING, *****, rhetorical questions, and actual words).
I find myself tripping, from time to time, over the issue of NT bashing--which appears to be not the problem here that it was on WP. I'm not saying aspie envy of NT power isn't a problem. Or that when the weak become strong, some of them become abusive. Power does corrupt.
There were a couple of recent threads, both closed, that invited us to share on groups we hate. Starting a thread with the express intent of identifying who's OK to hate is...probably not in keeping with the site's purpose. But the attempts illuminate just how intense the desire is to strike back, to acquire the illusion of power with the drug of envy distilled by resentment.
I also remember the saying, "Generals always fight the last war," meaning that when new issues arise, the old generals see through the old lenses, and this can make a blind spot bigger. For mods, admins, and even the new/old member with an itch to scratch.
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When I've had more sleep and less evil virus running about my blood, I'll doubtless wish I'd written this better, and will return to edit it. The gist is here. Refinement will have to wait.
My new owner--er, employer--...(sigh). Freudian slips are so interesting, aren't they?
My new employer mandates diversity meetings. I recently attended a meeting called "Diversity at Work" by my current employer. It opened with an interactive lecture on what power groups and nonempowered groups are: men v. women, white v. nonwhite, native English speaker v. struggling speaker, rich v. poor, manager v. employee, handicapped v. ? (this was amusing, watching the thrash about what "handicapped" means anymore).
Then we talked what "power" behaviors are--and how to suspect if and when empowered behavior becomes entitled behavior. Entitled behavior offends. Empowered behavior can offend, but only as a measure of the question, "why couldn't I have done that?" Or, "How could you have done that?"
I believe the empowered own their power because they can derive enough authority from themselves to speak, with the humility to know they don't own all the truth. From that place, anything at all can be said: authority can be questioned, conventions challenged, and sacred cows slain on the altar of the common and sustainable good for all.
It's hard to hang on to humility, which, like humor, lends perspective. Perspective lends insight: there are other truths, as well as more facts. However, when I am the only representative of an unempowered group, and I am present among the empowered, it takes a very strong ego, a sustained flicker of self-esteem, to act as if I am empowered. Humility is ill-at-ease in such company. And it seems to me that NT behavior derives consistently from the experience of shared power through shared identity, a dynamic that I, personally, only understand through a limited lens and some harsh metaphors.
The NTs, particularly empowered NTs, see my behavior through a lens of their own.
"Who does she think she is?"
"Did she have to say that?"
I can't even tell you the number of times as a younger aspie that I've skirted the edge of trouble as a frustrated NT manager grudgingly allows that no, she's not insubordinate, exactly, but she's still not doing what I want! And why does she keep asking those questions? About things I assume, or am counting on being ignored?
With that in mind, I thought long and hard about the Diversity discussion, because I wanted to bring up autism. In fact, I couldn't stop myself from doing so. I found myself compelled to bring up, in my small group, non-obvious diversities such as autism (I'm aspie myself, and don't identify as autistic). Then flustered because as a woman, I'm on the unempowered side, but as the first speaker, I'm claiming power; as white, powered, in a group of one other white woman and three men of color, who are unempowered. Which I acknowledged, openly. I decided to sit on the unempowered side and be quiet, whereupon one of the men confided the story of his autistic daughter, now in middle school.
Two of the other men engaged as this happened. One used the telltale phrase "on the spectrum" and made strong eye contact with me as he did so; maybe he "made" me, maybe the stare back hid me. I don't know. When the time came to share with the bigger audience, the father of the autistic daughter presented.
I got my wish: autism discussed in the open, on what it gives, on what it is, on what it costs. By someone newly empowered to seize that opportunity.
What does this have to do with social dynamics on this site? Pretty much everything.
Here, aspies are in the majority, and empowered: formally, as mods and admins; popularly, as most of us are visibly spectrum people. NTs are almost as rare here as aspies are in the general population. Coming here is a rare NT experience for what it feels like to be in a minority that has no obvious "tag" in the form of visual difference or personal behavior.
Except through point of view, as articulated in visuals (avatar, media, and choice of media in context), and words (TYPOGRAPHY AS SHOUTING, *****, rhetorical questions, and actual words).
I find myself tripping, from time to time, over the issue of NT bashing--which appears to be not the problem here that it was on WP. I'm not saying aspie envy of NT power isn't a problem. Or that when the weak become strong, some of them become abusive. Power does corrupt.
There were a couple of recent threads, both closed, that invited us to share on groups we hate. Starting a thread with the express intent of identifying who's OK to hate is...probably not in keeping with the site's purpose. But the attempts illuminate just how intense the desire is to strike back, to acquire the illusion of power with the drug of envy distilled by resentment.
I also remember the saying, "Generals always fight the last war," meaning that when new issues arise, the old generals see through the old lenses, and this can make a blind spot bigger. For mods, admins, and even the new/old member with an itch to scratch.
-----
When I've had more sleep and less evil virus running about my blood, I'll doubtless wish I'd written this better, and will return to edit it. The gist is here. Refinement will have to wait.
