I used to try very hard to make my workspace seem like home, to reflect my personality and interests. It was an attempt to create a little safe haven nest at work, to try to escape/block out my surrounding situation (the workplace). It didn't help reduce my work anxiety. It may have made it worse, since I was trying to avoid what was around me rather than accept it.
I've also in the past just not decorated at all, because I didn't care about my workspace - it wasn't home, it was work, I didn't want to be there anyway, so why bother, why pretend.
I was going to automatically fall into that habit at my present workplace - not because I don't care about the work or the workplace - I do really care this time. But because I am just focused on the actual work and dynamics of the workplace - my focus is not at all on what is going on at home. And I came in feeling I would rather not discuss my personal life at work - in general, I have in the past just not wanted to be at work, I wanted to be at home, and I would try to keep my mind at home while being at work to deal with anxiety - sort of a denial of being at work. And then when I got home, I would spend all of my time analyzing and processing everything that happened at work with co-workers and the boss, so I didn't really get to be home. It was all mixed up and I felt constantly stressed and drained and dissatisfied because I wasn't really getting what I even wanted at that time - a decent sense of home time.
Now, I am attempting something new - I really want to work on keeping the two parts of my life apart. Work at work, and not at home. Home at home. So stop spending all of my home time processing what happened at work - leave work at work, so that it doesn't ruin home time. I don't want to spend my down time ruminating about work - that's part of what burns me out, it's part of what I HATE about working at all, that it seems to take over my life, I can't stop thinking about it, I then lose everything else outside of work. (So far not very successful at that, but I am trying - I only just started working this past week.)
So in that spirit, I was automatically just not interested in bringing any of my personality to my workspace. And since I am no longer trying to escape the workspace, I feel no need for personal photos, etc.
Then, something occurred to me - after someone said I should feel free to personalize my desk. Yes, maybe for those NTs personalizing their space served some emotional function I no longer needed for myself. BUT - personalizing my space would also serve some function for them, too. It can help them get to know me. It can help them start a conversation. It can help them feel comfortable. Now I have a whole new reason to personalize my space - it's really going to be for them. Yes, it will be my stuff, but I am going to do it strategically - it will be stuff that will help me out socially with others, to help them feel comfortable with me and have topics of conversation. When I think of it that way vs. thinking of how I can put stuff up to "escape" the workplace, it actually changes what I would put up. It's like showcasing something different for a different purpose. Maybe this is what NTs mean, also, but saying to "put your best foot forward" or "your best self forward" - I used to think that meant masking/hiding myself, lying, being fake. But when considering it with respect to decorating my workspace - putting up those different items are in no way lying or masking - those are real aspects of my personality that will be shown, they just aren't the ones I would have shown if I had a different purpose in mind.
Anyways, I know this is a small step, but I do think that's one thing I can do with my goal of trying to survive socially in the workplace. And workplace social death is what burns me out the worst and makes me quit - and I really need to keep this job.
I've also in the past just not decorated at all, because I didn't care about my workspace - it wasn't home, it was work, I didn't want to be there anyway, so why bother, why pretend.
I was going to automatically fall into that habit at my present workplace - not because I don't care about the work or the workplace - I do really care this time. But because I am just focused on the actual work and dynamics of the workplace - my focus is not at all on what is going on at home. And I came in feeling I would rather not discuss my personal life at work - in general, I have in the past just not wanted to be at work, I wanted to be at home, and I would try to keep my mind at home while being at work to deal with anxiety - sort of a denial of being at work. And then when I got home, I would spend all of my time analyzing and processing everything that happened at work with co-workers and the boss, so I didn't really get to be home. It was all mixed up and I felt constantly stressed and drained and dissatisfied because I wasn't really getting what I even wanted at that time - a decent sense of home time.
Now, I am attempting something new - I really want to work on keeping the two parts of my life apart. Work at work, and not at home. Home at home. So stop spending all of my home time processing what happened at work - leave work at work, so that it doesn't ruin home time. I don't want to spend my down time ruminating about work - that's part of what burns me out, it's part of what I HATE about working at all, that it seems to take over my life, I can't stop thinking about it, I then lose everything else outside of work. (So far not very successful at that, but I am trying - I only just started working this past week.)
So in that spirit, I was automatically just not interested in bringing any of my personality to my workspace. And since I am no longer trying to escape the workspace, I feel no need for personal photos, etc.
Then, something occurred to me - after someone said I should feel free to personalize my desk. Yes, maybe for those NTs personalizing their space served some emotional function I no longer needed for myself. BUT - personalizing my space would also serve some function for them, too. It can help them get to know me. It can help them start a conversation. It can help them feel comfortable. Now I have a whole new reason to personalize my space - it's really going to be for them. Yes, it will be my stuff, but I am going to do it strategically - it will be stuff that will help me out socially with others, to help them feel comfortable with me and have topics of conversation. When I think of it that way vs. thinking of how I can put stuff up to "escape" the workplace, it actually changes what I would put up. It's like showcasing something different for a different purpose. Maybe this is what NTs mean, also, but saying to "put your best foot forward" or "your best self forward" - I used to think that meant masking/hiding myself, lying, being fake. But when considering it with respect to decorating my workspace - putting up those different items are in no way lying or masking - those are real aspects of my personality that will be shown, they just aren't the ones I would have shown if I had a different purpose in mind.
Anyways, I know this is a small step, but I do think that's one thing I can do with my goal of trying to survive socially in the workplace. And workplace social death is what burns me out the worst and makes me quit - and I really need to keep this job.
