I do only remember bits and pieces of what happened. My dad found the woman who would be my stepmother. She came over to see me at my grandparent's house for Christmas. Alot of my dad's family and relatives were there. I probably was 6 going on 7 years old. My stepmother put up a good act. Saying she would take care of me like I was her own. But I'd soon find out that was a lie.
When the day came that I was moved to my new stepmother's place, with my dad. She was living in a apartment at the time. Once I got all my stuff in. I was to lay on the carpeted livingroom floor as my bed. Nothing but a pillow and a blanket. A stark contrast to having a actual bed at my grandparent's. Truthfully. I found out my place in the world quickly. Under her heel. No being the 'son she always wanted'. Of course not. I was nothing but a unwanted burden to her, that happened to come with marrying my Dad.
Though the berratement really didn't go full swing till 1st grade. I had fun things to play with. Like the Sega Genesis I got for Christmas. Played Sonic the Hedghog and it's sequels alot. But it paled in comparison to the torment from her and my issues as a kid. I still had my persistent bathroom problems. That one was alway getting on her nerves. Truthfully. I think it's partly why she sent me to the daycare place near by, when I was not in school. So she didn't have to deal with me constantly.
I remember seeing doctors alot. I even went to Saint Louis Children's Hospital because my parents could tell there was something 'wrong' with me. From 7 years old, onward, I was put on different kinds of medications. First came Depikote and Elavil. Both being for either depression or mood. The goal was to help with my mood and focus. But these obviously backfired. I had uncontrollable emotional outbursts during classes fairly frequently. It sometimes makes me wonder now if my ASD messed with me alot more, while on those meds. I won't know the answer sadly, since I really wasn't ever tested for ASD at that age or older. In fact, the doctors, in all thier wisdom, were convinced I had Landau Kleffner. It was namely because of a abnormally in my left frontal lob, or something of that sort. Also because I was found to have seizures during sleep. This was about when I was being taken off both Depikote and Elavil, and was given Valproate to help with the seizures during sleep. I also went through a occasional period of overnight EEG testing for a few days, to monitor my seizures while I slept. I was probably 9-10 years old during this time, when it all started with EEGs. I really don't remember much. Nor do I remember what I felt about any of it. Maybe it didn't matter to me. I did live in my own world more and more as my life with my stepmother went on.
Aside from my medical. I went to Ellis Primary for grades 1-4. I really do not have many memories of this school. Most are a blur. Though I do remember playing in the school yard. I remember thier cafeteria. I remember the papers put on each desk that would be filled in by the teacher if you act up. You get a smiley face if you behaved during class. But beyond that, I remember little else about the school. Though I remember being sent to a different building or school to be picked up by our parents. We waited in the cafeteria there and had snacks while we waited to be picked up. Did what homework we could, if there was any. But I remember always loathing going home. Especially if I acted up at school. I would be deathly afraid to go home on those days. More because of my stepmother, than my Dad.
Though once I was done with school at Ellis. My parents were looking to move somewhere else. Edwardsville was the first pick. But the schools there had no integration for special needs kids. So the lot they were going to buy, ended up being bought by someone else. My mother found Millstadt and it had inclusiveness and there was a new subdivision being made. So my parents had a house built there and we started living there. I still remember the address and location of the subdivision to this day. I probably remember so well, because that's where my journey into hell truly began.
As far as the school. It was in town. It was, and is, still Millstadt Jr. High. This is where I spent grades 5-8. I made friends with other kids. But I wasn't too attached to any if them. I spent my recesses in my own world, more often than not. Though one strange relationship I had was with my so called 'Girlfriend', Brittany Horton. The fact I still remember her name is amazing, really. She was interested in me only because I was a nice kid that she could use like a boy toy. I didn't see it at the time, but looking back. She was definitely a character. Though, I really didn't see her the way she saw me. I just considered her another 'friend'. Though she did end up breaking it up and going after another guy. I was probably more upset that she stopped being a friend, in my mind. But it was for the best.
One thing I remember clearly is twisting my ankle on two occasions. Once at school and once while screwing around in the subdivision neighborhood. Neither time was pleasant, but learning experiences, I guess.
In school, I had speech therapy for my stutter. Probably caused by my daily stress of dealing with psycho mcscreams alot, aka my stepmother. Oh, speaking of. She did ACTUALLY help me once with a science project. To make different clouds for a presentation. I was finding my interest in the weather at that time. I ended up being obsessed with watching the weather channel alot, because of it. Learning all kinds of words and terminology used by meteorologists. It was something I was proud of. Though I think my stepmother looked at it as a 'look at me' moment. She wouldn't of did it otherwise.
Though upsettingly, there was a time I remember when my stepmother was upset at me for something. She ripped out my Sega Genesis and threw it at me. Thankfully it only hit me in the leg. But it scared me and upset me so bad. I was crying. I know that. But it's just a example of how out of hand she gets when see gets angry.
One other thing I remember, and it's odd I remember this at all. I had a English class on the lower floor of the school. I remember telling the teacher once, that I wanted to learn Spanish. She told me that she didn't think I could do that. I guess she thought because I had some kind of learning disability, that it would be 'too hard' for me. I never tried to persue it or bring it up again.
I graduated from Millstadt Jr. High and moved on to high school after this. This is where I had even more stress and anxiety.
When the day came that I was moved to my new stepmother's place, with my dad. She was living in a apartment at the time. Once I got all my stuff in. I was to lay on the carpeted livingroom floor as my bed. Nothing but a pillow and a blanket. A stark contrast to having a actual bed at my grandparent's. Truthfully. I found out my place in the world quickly. Under her heel. No being the 'son she always wanted'. Of course not. I was nothing but a unwanted burden to her, that happened to come with marrying my Dad.
Though the berratement really didn't go full swing till 1st grade. I had fun things to play with. Like the Sega Genesis I got for Christmas. Played Sonic the Hedghog and it's sequels alot. But it paled in comparison to the torment from her and my issues as a kid. I still had my persistent bathroom problems. That one was alway getting on her nerves. Truthfully. I think it's partly why she sent me to the daycare place near by, when I was not in school. So she didn't have to deal with me constantly.
I remember seeing doctors alot. I even went to Saint Louis Children's Hospital because my parents could tell there was something 'wrong' with me. From 7 years old, onward, I was put on different kinds of medications. First came Depikote and Elavil. Both being for either depression or mood. The goal was to help with my mood and focus. But these obviously backfired. I had uncontrollable emotional outbursts during classes fairly frequently. It sometimes makes me wonder now if my ASD messed with me alot more, while on those meds. I won't know the answer sadly, since I really wasn't ever tested for ASD at that age or older. In fact, the doctors, in all thier wisdom, were convinced I had Landau Kleffner. It was namely because of a abnormally in my left frontal lob, or something of that sort. Also because I was found to have seizures during sleep. This was about when I was being taken off both Depikote and Elavil, and was given Valproate to help with the seizures during sleep. I also went through a occasional period of overnight EEG testing for a few days, to monitor my seizures while I slept. I was probably 9-10 years old during this time, when it all started with EEGs. I really don't remember much. Nor do I remember what I felt about any of it. Maybe it didn't matter to me. I did live in my own world more and more as my life with my stepmother went on.
Aside from my medical. I went to Ellis Primary for grades 1-4. I really do not have many memories of this school. Most are a blur. Though I do remember playing in the school yard. I remember thier cafeteria. I remember the papers put on each desk that would be filled in by the teacher if you act up. You get a smiley face if you behaved during class. But beyond that, I remember little else about the school. Though I remember being sent to a different building or school to be picked up by our parents. We waited in the cafeteria there and had snacks while we waited to be picked up. Did what homework we could, if there was any. But I remember always loathing going home. Especially if I acted up at school. I would be deathly afraid to go home on those days. More because of my stepmother, than my Dad.
Though once I was done with school at Ellis. My parents were looking to move somewhere else. Edwardsville was the first pick. But the schools there had no integration for special needs kids. So the lot they were going to buy, ended up being bought by someone else. My mother found Millstadt and it had inclusiveness and there was a new subdivision being made. So my parents had a house built there and we started living there. I still remember the address and location of the subdivision to this day. I probably remember so well, because that's where my journey into hell truly began.
As far as the school. It was in town. It was, and is, still Millstadt Jr. High. This is where I spent grades 5-8. I made friends with other kids. But I wasn't too attached to any if them. I spent my recesses in my own world, more often than not. Though one strange relationship I had was with my so called 'Girlfriend', Brittany Horton. The fact I still remember her name is amazing, really. She was interested in me only because I was a nice kid that she could use like a boy toy. I didn't see it at the time, but looking back. She was definitely a character. Though, I really didn't see her the way she saw me. I just considered her another 'friend'. Though she did end up breaking it up and going after another guy. I was probably more upset that she stopped being a friend, in my mind. But it was for the best.
One thing I remember clearly is twisting my ankle on two occasions. Once at school and once while screwing around in the subdivision neighborhood. Neither time was pleasant, but learning experiences, I guess.
In school, I had speech therapy for my stutter. Probably caused by my daily stress of dealing with psycho mcscreams alot, aka my stepmother. Oh, speaking of. She did ACTUALLY help me once with a science project. To make different clouds for a presentation. I was finding my interest in the weather at that time. I ended up being obsessed with watching the weather channel alot, because of it. Learning all kinds of words and terminology used by meteorologists. It was something I was proud of. Though I think my stepmother looked at it as a 'look at me' moment. She wouldn't of did it otherwise.
Though upsettingly, there was a time I remember when my stepmother was upset at me for something. She ripped out my Sega Genesis and threw it at me. Thankfully it only hit me in the leg. But it scared me and upset me so bad. I was crying. I know that. But it's just a example of how out of hand she gets when see gets angry.
One other thing I remember, and it's odd I remember this at all. I had a English class on the lower floor of the school. I remember telling the teacher once, that I wanted to learn Spanish. She told me that she didn't think I could do that. I guess she thought because I had some kind of learning disability, that it would be 'too hard' for me. I never tried to persue it or bring it up again.
I graduated from Millstadt Jr. High and moved on to high school after this. This is where I had even more stress and anxiety.
