I never did. When i was a Child i dreamt that my family was not my real family and that my real family died in a fire. They would someday come to get me.
As an adult i taught myself everything, things that my parents and school system never did. I relied on myself to change myself so people would like me and never suspect i might *gasp! * be autistic. I became a sociable person who can mask and mimics everyone's behavior. I felt like i did not have a personality of my own.
At my late 20s i built a personality for myself by myself. I can be alone with myself now and not hate myself. It is a great success for me. No one sees and knows apart from me. I can feel at home now.
Maybe my life does not have any worth for anyone. That i can cook clean and pay bills on my own. That i worked a job and Somehow did not get fired. No one ever said anything good about it. After all it is all expected. My effort means nothing to them.
Now i no longer want to be comforted. I no longer want anyone in my home to share everything i have been through. I don't want anyone to see what i have been through. Because they were too late for everything and i would resent them.
I am my own home
As an adult i taught myself everything, things that my parents and school system never did. I relied on myself to change myself so people would like me and never suspect i might *gasp! * be autistic. I became a sociable person who can mask and mimics everyone's behavior. I felt like i did not have a personality of my own.
At my late 20s i built a personality for myself by myself. I can be alone with myself now and not hate myself. It is a great success for me. No one sees and knows apart from me. I can feel at home now.
Maybe my life does not have any worth for anyone. That i can cook clean and pay bills on my own. That i worked a job and Somehow did not get fired. No one ever said anything good about it. After all it is all expected. My effort means nothing to them.
Now i no longer want to be comforted. I no longer want anyone in my home to share everything i have been through. I don't want anyone to see what i have been through. Because they were too late for everything and i would resent them.
I am my own home
