I hate...

I'm quite sure I'm asking the obvious... but I'll do it anyway.

Have you talked to her about this? Explained her that financially it's NOT possible right now. Seems like the most sensible thing to do. Rationalizing why you can't make expense X always strikes me as a way to not feel bad about something, since I have reasons to say no rather than just "feeling" to say no.

I try. Every singletime. I understand this is a big deal, but every gig "is really important". Over the last 4 od months she has not been to like one which was a week ago Saturday and that was only because I asked her not to because she was going away from the day after till this Sunday.

She will spend her last penny on making other people happy... But where does that leave us for our future? She is self employed and through no fault of her own and tons and tons of effort in trying to make money, I'm the only bread winner but she will still ask for money for petrol so she can go "work" with the ****ing ***** of an ex mate of mine / her best friend, her weekly weed that she "has" to have and drnks she needs to buy every single ****ing time she leaves the ****ing house. It drives me mad that we constantly ****ing hermoraging money and it doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest. She says it does, but would she just keep ****ing doing it every single day if it really did?

Perhaps, if this is an ongoing issue you might reconsider splitting up finances and expenses in a different way. That way, she'll have a share of "her" money.. if it's gone, it's gone, her responsibility.

That's the thing, she won't have ANY money as it comes in really sporadically and I would never hear the end of it if I didn't help her.

Not saying I'm the end all to responsibility, but isn't it a bit of her responsibility as such? If she doesn't make a lot of money, she has less to spend. And if you make more and decide to help her out, that's fine, but it shouldn't be your obligation to get stressed over whatever she wants at the moment. Perhaps she has to understand that "really important" goes different ways as well... groceries are "really important" as well.

At this point, I'd have to say why are you two together? Because it doesn't sound like much of a relationship. I'll come right out and say I am a feminist and I believe women should stand on their own two feet. If her being self-employed isn't bringing in that much money so that she is dependent on you (a woman in 2012 asking her husband for money, really?) then I think she ought to rethink being self-employed--or rethink her priorities. She should NOT be asking YOU for money to go do her thing. That is so NINETEENTH CENTURY!!!! If she wants more money then she needs to do what the rest of us have to do, which is a) get a better-paying job or b) go without.