• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

I have never let go

  • Author Author Xinyta
  • Create date Create date
  • Blog entry read time Blog entry read time 1 min read
I see my folly.

I am afraid of the truth. I am afraid to face myself. I have never in my life have ever let go of anything. I have blamed this. I have blamed that. But I have largely blamed myself for things that I have no control over. Blamed myself for things that never existed. Blamed myself for my life being the way it is. I think about it and always spiral. I have never let go. Even thinking about it now, it just leaves a sour feeling.

I have internalized for so long. Filled myself with a seething self-hatred so deep, that I have never in my life considered anything else. Now that I face my demons once again, I have no idea how to let go of it. I just dwell, ruminate, and internalize. That's all it seems I know how to do.

Comments

AprilR
I know how this feels. To stop ruminating is really hard. I just try to fill my life with things i enjoy doing, and distract myself as much as i can with fleeting but positive moments. When you are ruminating, even when something good happens you tend to not notice it, or disregard it. You have to consciously hold on to the good, positive things of your life, butt is easier said than done.
 

Blog entry information

Author
Xinyta
Read time
1 min read
Views
331
Comments
1
Last update

More entries in Personal

  • Xinyta
    Broken
    I am facing emotions I haven't faced since childhood. Feeling a great distress and sadness about...
  • AprilR
    Lately..
    There is someone i like, and it makes it harder to move to another city. Although i have applied...
  • Xinyta
    I got a better grasp on myself now
    Lately. I have been working on figuring myself out. It's a two fold mission. First. I need to...
  • AprilR
    Some sort of rambling
    The world was empty for her. No matter where she looked, there was nothing for the things inside...
  • Tired
    First day volunteering
    Yesterday was an extremely bizarre, spontaneous and unorganized day. These days I am looking a...

More entries from Xinyta

Share this entry

Top Bottom