Lost

I am without many words lately. Confused once more about how to continue. I have answers to my own behaviors. Yet I am lost to what is next.

I can focus. Yet I still have issues with it, which remains to confuse me. I know, yet the desire to try isn't always there. Making me question why? Why is the desire to do things such a difficult thing for me allow? To accept.

I feel as if I am trying to push back against a wall of rubber. That bends but refuses to break. This old mindset is obstinate to me trying to be or do anything that opposes it.

But I keep trying anyway. To cut through this wall of rubber. Though the one thing it feels the most adamant to block out is me ever being happy.