Only because blog posts on here only allow one video blog entry.. RUBBISH!
If you wanna read them all and see the videos I've posted (which are awesome btw) go HERE
26/08/2012
Possibly having Asperger's Syndrome. Although I feel I'm having less freak outs, tantrums and low times, both Charlotte & Bobby seem to be taking it a lot easier when I do. I also feel like I am able to be more of myself again, which means actually be outwardly upset & cry if I need to. Although what happened yesterday doesn't seem like a big deal to a lot of people, while I was in the middle of being lost and such, the emotions I was feeling where so over powering, if someone had of crossed my path (literally) or been a dick directly to me, I truly think I may have ended up ****ing smacking them very very hard... And then instantly regretting it haha. Point being, by the time I got home & Charlotte asked if I was ok, I did end up having a bit of a cry, more than likely because of the frustration I had built up over the day but still, it was a good feeling to know that even with all the work Charlotte has and the stress about the Monmouthshire fare next week, she is able to see I need her to come up to me and give me a hug or kiss. I've always said that I need that from time to time and the reason I feel like I need to be so tactile with her (with Char it's a lot more than I would be with anyone else) and others is because I need the reassurance that I would get if someone where to be as tactile to me.
Jesus christ, the woman sittting next to me on the train has possibly not stopped moving her hands since she got on the train. Wow, calm down woman!
Ergh, there are a bunch of lads on the train downing beers, ergh! Great.
I wonder why I have a thing against people who have been drinking? I think it's generally those who I don't know and are being loud and such. It's more than likely fear of what they are going to do, because, let's be fair, I know one of the biggest nutters, unpredictable and easily one of the hardest to control people when drunk... This being Bobby haha. May be it's just an overly blown fear of the unknown (again) that makes mer not like it in the slightest, who knows. Hopefully at some point (very ****ing soon please) I will get to start my therapy sessions which will hopefully help me deal with situations like these & so many other that I could face on a daily basis.
I do fear how I react to certain things and just because I haven't punched someone in the back of the head for crossing my path or just doing a London Tourist thing and stopping dead in the street right in front of me, doesn't mean that one day it won't happen. I know that if it did, I would be ****ing mortified beyond belief. I seem to remember actually raising my hand or at least feeling like I had raised my hand from at least a little from being down by my side, that alone is worrying for me.
Ergh, I'm prob ranting and not making sense as per usual.
The Obey The Brave debut album is so so good. Just what I like heavy, crushing & fast Metalcore with what I call layered beatdowns (one guitar doing the beatdown while another is doing something melodic) and no one can dislike the added bass booms when the beatdowns are about to come in, can they? It's like a reminder to kick the **** off
That and the finally released album by Misery Signals frontman Karl Schubach. Gorgeous melodies and brutal djent Metal. These along with Periphery II - This Time It's Personal, I am in tech heaven
Well, I'm nearly at High Barnet, so nearly home to be with Charlotte for like 2 hours before I've got to be in bed for work at 8 tomorrow... ****! :-( And then tomorrow is my last evening before Charlotte goes away for the week :-(
29/08/2012
After Going to see Mumcuss and Dog Eat Dog last night
I'm in a weird place.
It was without a doubt a ****ing amazing night, seeing so many happy, fun and lovely faces made me feel so good. I told one friend about having AS and another about the message I sent to a few to tell them about it. The guy who was one of the people I sent this message to was so lovely, he apologised for not replying. He said that he had written about 4/5 replies but every time he felt it wasn't the right thing and he didn't feel it was right to send it if it wasn't 100% right. He said he thought I was brave for putting myself out there and telling people which was really nice to hear. He asked me about the process and how the idea / possible diagnosis makes me feel & does it make sense... Which is does in a big big way. Although I feel more teary over the last few weeks / month or so, it's good to know there is a possible bigger reason for the way I am and feel.
I am currently sittin opposite the most stunning, pretty and gorgeous 3 little asian girls on the tube. One of them has a Cath Kidson Shopping bag, she has seems to have Downs but that clearly doesn't stop her being absolutely radiantly gorgeous. I so want kids and I want a baby girl so badly. ARGH! The downs girl has a really cute stuffed beagel! CAN IT GET ANY CUTER?!?!?!... OOHH it just did, one of the others is wearing Shrek (???) ears hahahahaha
With me possibly being AS and Charlotte having Autism in her family, its looking that if or when we have kids, the likelihood of them having AS or Autism is pretty high, plus Charlotte is 37 this year believe it or not. I know we aren't exactly in the best position to be thinking about kids, but is anyone really eve in the best position? Are people always prepared?
Its so funny how many people on the train are watching these 3 girls, well, its their fault for being so gorgeous. I hope I'm not coming across as a dirty old man, ergh! Not cool haha. They all just got off the train with their mothers and 2 of them held hands while getting off the train *heart melts*
Well, I'm nearly at Angel to go and meet my brother from another mother Ollie. Its been so so long since I saw the most un-judgmental guy I've ever met. I've told Ollie about so many of my problems, my **** ups and such & he has never been horrrible or changed the way he is to me.
Some moron idiot is playing music out loud from his phone but also insists on holding it next to his ear? The point is?? ****ing idiot, you want to listen to it and hear it? Buy earphones **** hole! Jesus, like anyone wants to hear anyone else's music when on the train? I always think about if mine is too loud, I would always turn down my ipod if someone asked because if I asked someone else to do it, it would be nice to think that others were not that selfish
**3 hours later**
So, I've just met Ollie & had Nando's and a coffee. Seriously, this guy is seriously one of the best people ever. I can't even express in words my love for him, he just gets what I'm trying to say & helps me understand myself as well as understand things from a different point of view. I know we can have our childish moments but we can also have our mega deep and meaningful and intelligent conversations that run like water pipe along Oxford street haha. Ollie was a bit shocked about me possibly having AS but he knew what to say to make me feel like nothing is going to change about me for him if I have a diagnosis or not.
I'm now heading home on the train to finish the interview questions about me & my photography that I am doing for my friend Erica's blog
If you wanna read them all and see the videos I've posted (which are awesome btw) go HERE
26/08/2012
Possibly having Asperger's Syndrome. Although I feel I'm having less freak outs, tantrums and low times, both Charlotte & Bobby seem to be taking it a lot easier when I do. I also feel like I am able to be more of myself again, which means actually be outwardly upset & cry if I need to. Although what happened yesterday doesn't seem like a big deal to a lot of people, while I was in the middle of being lost and such, the emotions I was feeling where so over powering, if someone had of crossed my path (literally) or been a dick directly to me, I truly think I may have ended up ****ing smacking them very very hard... And then instantly regretting it haha. Point being, by the time I got home & Charlotte asked if I was ok, I did end up having a bit of a cry, more than likely because of the frustration I had built up over the day but still, it was a good feeling to know that even with all the work Charlotte has and the stress about the Monmouthshire fare next week, she is able to see I need her to come up to me and give me a hug or kiss. I've always said that I need that from time to time and the reason I feel like I need to be so tactile with her (with Char it's a lot more than I would be with anyone else) and others is because I need the reassurance that I would get if someone where to be as tactile to me.
Jesus christ, the woman sittting next to me on the train has possibly not stopped moving her hands since she got on the train. Wow, calm down woman!
Ergh, there are a bunch of lads on the train downing beers, ergh! Great.
I wonder why I have a thing against people who have been drinking? I think it's generally those who I don't know and are being loud and such. It's more than likely fear of what they are going to do, because, let's be fair, I know one of the biggest nutters, unpredictable and easily one of the hardest to control people when drunk... This being Bobby haha. May be it's just an overly blown fear of the unknown (again) that makes mer not like it in the slightest, who knows. Hopefully at some point (very ****ing soon please) I will get to start my therapy sessions which will hopefully help me deal with situations like these & so many other that I could face on a daily basis.
I do fear how I react to certain things and just because I haven't punched someone in the back of the head for crossing my path or just doing a London Tourist thing and stopping dead in the street right in front of me, doesn't mean that one day it won't happen. I know that if it did, I would be ****ing mortified beyond belief. I seem to remember actually raising my hand or at least feeling like I had raised my hand from at least a little from being down by my side, that alone is worrying for me.
Ergh, I'm prob ranting and not making sense as per usual.
The Obey The Brave debut album is so so good. Just what I like heavy, crushing & fast Metalcore with what I call layered beatdowns (one guitar doing the beatdown while another is doing something melodic) and no one can dislike the added bass booms when the beatdowns are about to come in, can they? It's like a reminder to kick the **** off
That and the finally released album by Misery Signals frontman Karl Schubach. Gorgeous melodies and brutal djent Metal. These along with Periphery II - This Time It's Personal, I am in tech heaven Well, I'm nearly at High Barnet, so nearly home to be with Charlotte for like 2 hours before I've got to be in bed for work at 8 tomorrow... ****! :-( And then tomorrow is my last evening before Charlotte goes away for the week :-(
29/08/2012
After Going to see Mumcuss and Dog Eat Dog last night
I'm in a weird place.
It was without a doubt a ****ing amazing night, seeing so many happy, fun and lovely faces made me feel so good. I told one friend about having AS and another about the message I sent to a few to tell them about it. The guy who was one of the people I sent this message to was so lovely, he apologised for not replying. He said that he had written about 4/5 replies but every time he felt it wasn't the right thing and he didn't feel it was right to send it if it wasn't 100% right. He said he thought I was brave for putting myself out there and telling people which was really nice to hear. He asked me about the process and how the idea / possible diagnosis makes me feel & does it make sense... Which is does in a big big way. Although I feel more teary over the last few weeks / month or so, it's good to know there is a possible bigger reason for the way I am and feel.
I am currently sittin opposite the most stunning, pretty and gorgeous 3 little asian girls on the tube. One of them has a Cath Kidson Shopping bag, she has seems to have Downs but that clearly doesn't stop her being absolutely radiantly gorgeous. I so want kids and I want a baby girl so badly. ARGH! The downs girl has a really cute stuffed beagel! CAN IT GET ANY CUTER?!?!?!
... OOHH it just did, one of the others is wearing Shrek (???) ears hahahahahaWith me possibly being AS and Charlotte having Autism in her family, its looking that if or when we have kids, the likelihood of them having AS or Autism is pretty high, plus Charlotte is 37 this year believe it or not. I know we aren't exactly in the best position to be thinking about kids, but is anyone really eve in the best position? Are people always prepared?
Its so funny how many people on the train are watching these 3 girls, well, its their fault for being so gorgeous. I hope I'm not coming across as a dirty old man, ergh! Not cool haha. They all just got off the train with their mothers and 2 of them held hands while getting off the train *heart melts*
Well, I'm nearly at Angel to go and meet my brother from another mother Ollie. Its been so so long since I saw the most un-judgmental guy I've ever met. I've told Ollie about so many of my problems, my **** ups and such & he has never been horrrible or changed the way he is to me.
Some moron idiot is playing music out loud from his phone but also insists on holding it next to his ear? The point is?? ****ing idiot, you want to listen to it and hear it? Buy earphones **** hole! Jesus, like anyone wants to hear anyone else's music when on the train? I always think about if mine is too loud, I would always turn down my ipod if someone asked because if I asked someone else to do it, it would be nice to think that others were not that selfish
**3 hours later**
So, I've just met Ollie & had Nando's and a coffee. Seriously, this guy is seriously one of the best people ever. I can't even express in words my love for him, he just gets what I'm trying to say & helps me understand myself as well as understand things from a different point of view. I know we can have our childish moments but we can also have our mega deep and meaningful and intelligent conversations that run like water pipe along Oxford street haha. Ollie was a bit shocked about me possibly having AS but he knew what to say to make me feel like nothing is going to change about me for him if I have a diagnosis or not.
I'm now heading home on the train to finish the interview questions about me & my photography that I am doing for my friend Erica's blog
