Being normal. It is what many of us strive to do. Fit in, don't stand out like a sore thumb, don't deviate from the expected norms, the attention received otherwise is to much to bear. Of course, this has been my way of doing things as well. There are a few problems with it though. First, a problem many of us already know, that there is no exact definition of normal. Well, I think that it isn't as gray as many people think. I know there is no exact definition, or exact personality one can uphold that is the pinnical of normality, but I think they are more boundries. A personality can be considered normal, if it fits in the realms of the boundries of socail accpeptance. Some personalities can push those boundires, but the mean in still within the accepted realms of normal. It is gray, the boundries are not deffined, and it varies from person to person, but generally, there is gray, but relavent boundry to stay within. Another problem with being normal stems from the deffinition again. This does not apply to strangers on the bus, but more the people that you already know. You have heard the phrase before, 'He isn't acting himself.' Being normal, has context as well. For each person, their personalities constrict the boundries more of what is normal. If you do something that would be considered normal for one person, if it does not mesh with the context your personality has set up, it may not be considered normal to you. I don't think it would be normal for someone like Trump to go dancing in a gay nightclub, even though it is withing the confines of normal for others to go. You are both expected to act normal withing the realms of what society deems normal, and not to stray away from what your personality deems normal.
The second part of that was not well known to me until I met a friend in 8th grade. I have always been attracted to friends who deviate from the standard equation. People who stand out, who are erratic. I found that I could be more myself around them, because they to felt the same around me, and where not as limited by anxiety to fit themselves or others they know withing the boundires. I learned a lot from him. He was as far off of normal as anyone I know, and people expected him to be not normal, because those where the expectations he set up for himself with his personality. He defiantly pushed the realms of what society deems normal, but he pushed way beyond those limits with his personality. Over time as you get to know him, and as he lays onto you the more 'not normal' he is, he sets up the context that he is not normal, so it is now normal for him to be not normal. Confusing right? but not really when you think about it. This stems back into the definition. One of the definitions for normal is, what society expects of you. Not a clear cut exact definition, but it works in this context. If you act reserved in public, and act accordingly around strangers, but become your eradic self around people who know you to be as such, you are being normal, because you are doing exactly what everyone expects you of doing.
That is the key, what people expect of you. I just came across the summary of a month of light thoughts on the subject. Set up the context in which people except you to act within to your advantage. What is considered normal for some people, is not considered normal for others. Something I though of a little while back is to accept the outward projection of being mentally ill. It is in my abilities to look normal in public, but now with the limited context of my personality that I am projecting to strangers, I am now expected to act normal, if I look normal. If I want to stim, or hold my hands against my ears, or to use techniques and strategies that calm me down in public, the Context of what I look like, works against how I look. I look like a normal person, doing not normal things, which proceeds to judgement. I knew this for a long time, If I keep acting not normal, the expectations of me start to stray to me not being normal. If I am continual rocking on the bus for a solid five minutes, the first few minutes, people might think negatively about me, but after enough time passes, they start to accept that I am not normal, so it is now normal of me to be acting not normal. lately, social anxiety has pushed me in place of not standing out. I think now, that it is because I have learned to act normal, and breaking away from that image brings on stress. Compare that to the time when at first glance of me, you would know that I am not normal, thus it is expected of me to not act normal, you can see where this goes.
My solution? Set up the expectations that you are not normal, then now it is normal for you not to be normal. Use the system against itself. If I am stressed, and want to rock on the bus around a crowed of strangers, put on my big ugly earmuffs, and start rocking. It is now obvious that I am autistic, so now it is acceptable to rock, because with that context, people are more lenient to accept that is normal for you. This doesn't just work for doing stuff around strangers. Set up your personality around the people you know for them to expect that you are not going to be normal 100% of the time, so when you are in need of stimming, retreating, or anything that would not normally be considered socially acceptable, it is normal for you.
It is of course a balance. You don't want to stray to far into this technique. Not everything can be excuse by personality, before people just start not liking you for your personality that you use to excuse your actions, but it is doable. Using this strategy all out may work for strangers, but in some settings, you don't want to use it at all. Unfortunately, sometimes, you are expected to act completely withing to constrains of normality, and deviation is not acceptable, job interviews for example. Though, those situations are pretty far in between and few, for you to act 100% normal.
My train of thought just came to a smashing halt. I think I got everything down that I wanted to, so I am done.
The second part of that was not well known to me until I met a friend in 8th grade. I have always been attracted to friends who deviate from the standard equation. People who stand out, who are erratic. I found that I could be more myself around them, because they to felt the same around me, and where not as limited by anxiety to fit themselves or others they know withing the boundires. I learned a lot from him. He was as far off of normal as anyone I know, and people expected him to be not normal, because those where the expectations he set up for himself with his personality. He defiantly pushed the realms of what society deems normal, but he pushed way beyond those limits with his personality. Over time as you get to know him, and as he lays onto you the more 'not normal' he is, he sets up the context that he is not normal, so it is now normal for him to be not normal. Confusing right? but not really when you think about it. This stems back into the definition. One of the definitions for normal is, what society expects of you. Not a clear cut exact definition, but it works in this context. If you act reserved in public, and act accordingly around strangers, but become your eradic self around people who know you to be as such, you are being normal, because you are doing exactly what everyone expects you of doing.
That is the key, what people expect of you. I just came across the summary of a month of light thoughts on the subject. Set up the context in which people except you to act within to your advantage. What is considered normal for some people, is not considered normal for others. Something I though of a little while back is to accept the outward projection of being mentally ill. It is in my abilities to look normal in public, but now with the limited context of my personality that I am projecting to strangers, I am now expected to act normal, if I look normal. If I want to stim, or hold my hands against my ears, or to use techniques and strategies that calm me down in public, the Context of what I look like, works against how I look. I look like a normal person, doing not normal things, which proceeds to judgement. I knew this for a long time, If I keep acting not normal, the expectations of me start to stray to me not being normal. If I am continual rocking on the bus for a solid five minutes, the first few minutes, people might think negatively about me, but after enough time passes, they start to accept that I am not normal, so it is now normal of me to be acting not normal. lately, social anxiety has pushed me in place of not standing out. I think now, that it is because I have learned to act normal, and breaking away from that image brings on stress. Compare that to the time when at first glance of me, you would know that I am not normal, thus it is expected of me to not act normal, you can see where this goes.
My solution? Set up the expectations that you are not normal, then now it is normal for you not to be normal. Use the system against itself. If I am stressed, and want to rock on the bus around a crowed of strangers, put on my big ugly earmuffs, and start rocking. It is now obvious that I am autistic, so now it is acceptable to rock, because with that context, people are more lenient to accept that is normal for you. This doesn't just work for doing stuff around strangers. Set up your personality around the people you know for them to expect that you are not going to be normal 100% of the time, so when you are in need of stimming, retreating, or anything that would not normally be considered socially acceptable, it is normal for you.
It is of course a balance. You don't want to stray to far into this technique. Not everything can be excuse by personality, before people just start not liking you for your personality that you use to excuse your actions, but it is doable. Using this strategy all out may work for strangers, but in some settings, you don't want to use it at all. Unfortunately, sometimes, you are expected to act completely withing to constrains of normality, and deviation is not acceptable, job interviews for example. Though, those situations are pretty far in between and few, for you to act 100% normal.
My train of thought just came to a smashing halt. I think I got everything down that I wanted to, so I am done.
