A very useful insight that has been helping me a lot at my new workplace is the realization that "it's not what I think", or "it's not what I think it's about". When people speak to me, or when I listen to them speaking to each other, realizing that the true purpose of what they are saying and why they are saying it is different from what I would naturally think it was all about is helping me stay on the main/safe path rather than wandering off on in appropriate side trails that the speakers never intended. It is helping to keep me out of social trouble and helping me focus on the info I really need, what is really being conveyed. Even if I can't reciprocate, at least I can try to do this as a recipient. I tried doing this at a social gathering las night, and again, it really helped. Even as I was aware of my helplessness at points and my failure to reciprocate appropriately, I still felt more calm. Though the situation was overstimulating, I didn't get so overstimulated that I was making gaffes all over the place and needed to unwind for 2-3 hours after I came home before going to sleep. I was able to come home and just go right into what I needed to do to stay on schedule with my nighttime needs. I did notice that I experienced the social gathering as though I were in a fish bowl, looking out at everyone through the glass, within my own bubble. That makes me think of how I have described communication with other humans requiring a scuba suit - it was like scuba diving among fish if I wanted to communicate with them. Well, this made me realize in the past I wasn't taking the necessary suit. And that exhausted me much more. Now, with the suit on, I at least did not feel so distressed/overstimulated/anxious.
At home, I totally "Aspie out", as I say. I stim when I want, say what I want when I want, ask what I want, when I want. My husband is very tolerant and doesn't even notice anything weird - but I get so disregulated that he ends up having to do a lot of the work around the house to help me out. I am considering learning to behave with him the way I am beginning to behave with other NTs, because I think that could help our relationship. I notice myself blocking him out a lot, too, by doing different things in his presence. I'm still deciding/experimenting with this, because I also don't want to cause a build up of tension in myself from not being able to just be me. But when I "Aspie out", sometimes I think it's not just helping me come back down form a tower of anxiety to ground me - sometimes I think it's just causing me to vortex and stay in a state of disregulation. Basically, I want to experiment and learn how to choose sanity rather than whatever I feel like doing. Because one option will help me calm down and be more regulated, resulting in less long-term stress - whereas another strategy may keep me disregulated - perhaps my anxious thoughts are blocked, but they aren't being dealt with, and my overall life get more and more stressful as I spin out of control.
All of these strategies are requiring a lot of intentionality. I read a really useful book on ASD in the workplace called "The Hidden Curriculum" (there are several, I am only referring to the one on workplaces) that emphasized the importance of intentionality for those with ASD.
But anyway, yes, reminding myself on a regular basis that "it's not what I think" when I am dealing with NTs has been very helpful for me. Then I am able to understand that hidden social reasons play a large part in why they are communicating to me, and I am able to better guess/see what their real point is. And it prevents me from responding in ways that they find annoying or strange or besides the point. I am really becoming more and more aware of how socially blind I am with NTs. But blind people learn to get around, just in a different way - so I am going to have to deal with social blindness in the same way and learn to get around in my own way.
At home, I totally "Aspie out", as I say. I stim when I want, say what I want when I want, ask what I want, when I want. My husband is very tolerant and doesn't even notice anything weird - but I get so disregulated that he ends up having to do a lot of the work around the house to help me out. I am considering learning to behave with him the way I am beginning to behave with other NTs, because I think that could help our relationship. I notice myself blocking him out a lot, too, by doing different things in his presence. I'm still deciding/experimenting with this, because I also don't want to cause a build up of tension in myself from not being able to just be me. But when I "Aspie out", sometimes I think it's not just helping me come back down form a tower of anxiety to ground me - sometimes I think it's just causing me to vortex and stay in a state of disregulation. Basically, I want to experiment and learn how to choose sanity rather than whatever I feel like doing. Because one option will help me calm down and be more regulated, resulting in less long-term stress - whereas another strategy may keep me disregulated - perhaps my anxious thoughts are blocked, but they aren't being dealt with, and my overall life get more and more stressful as I spin out of control.
All of these strategies are requiring a lot of intentionality. I read a really useful book on ASD in the workplace called "The Hidden Curriculum" (there are several, I am only referring to the one on workplaces) that emphasized the importance of intentionality for those with ASD.
But anyway, yes, reminding myself on a regular basis that "it's not what I think" when I am dealing with NTs has been very helpful for me. Then I am able to understand that hidden social reasons play a large part in why they are communicating to me, and I am able to better guess/see what their real point is. And it prevents me from responding in ways that they find annoying or strange or besides the point. I am really becoming more and more aware of how socially blind I am with NTs. But blind people learn to get around, just in a different way - so I am going to have to deal with social blindness in the same way and learn to get around in my own way.
