This morning I still had a fair amount of muscle soreness from Wednesday's PT session. He introduced me to supersets. Very efficient, and a fresh take on doing exercises for me. My PT congratulated me at the end of the session, as we did 4 sets per exercise, and finished with HIIT on the rowing machine. He said it was a tough session, but I did well.
When the van sells I'm going to continue to pay for 1 PT session a week, as I find it helpful to have guidance, and it also provides variety in exercises and approach. He really puts me through my paces, but I feel amazing for it afterwards. Although, during some sets it can feel barbaric - and sometimes I'm trembling and screaming; and he's telling me to keep going and push through the pain.
Reminds me of what a bodybuilder said "Everyone in the gym is fighting their own demons." Recently I've found I'm overcoming the "mind over matter" reality that comes with the exhaustion when lifting weights. I've been tapping into this realisation, and I've been deliberately replacing the fatigue and mental doubts with oppositional defiance, and a healthy expulsion of anger.
Thankfully I am very aware of my safety, and hard limits. The couple of times where technique had caused some discomfort (when exercising solo) - I immediately stopped said exercise, and the next time I returned to it, I would take my time, tweak my technique and listen to my body - and all was well.
Today I went to do my solo session at the gym. I went in with tired muscles, but I safely pushed past the muscle soreness, and had another great session. In fact, I made it a slightly longer session, and added more exercises into the mix.
I said hello to a few regulars, and had a brief chat with someone in between doing our squat sets. He complimented my technique and perseverance which was nice to hear. Everyone is very friendly at the gym, and going there on set days of the week means I'm starting to see familiar faces.
Started using the steam room prior to the sauna as well - it's a very different experience, but I think I actually prefer it now to the sauna. Although both rooms today had several people in them, and they were quite chatty. I very much prefer having a quieter environment, as the confined space, plus the heat is quite intense on the senses; so having people talking constantly ontop of that makes me cut the visits a little shorter. It's all good though, as most of my visits those rooms are empty.
Had a work meeting after, and now some time to decompress before attending the Christmas Dinner for the Circle. This isn't the Circle run by my mentor, but the one for clairvoyant evenings on Thursdays. I haven't been back in a few weeks, since cutting off my friend. Although she hasn't been attending the past few weeks, because; as expected their unhealthy relationship dynamic imploded rapidly and dramatically within days.
Not sure if they'll be there tonight. But I realise it doesn't matter either way. I stand by my decision in cutting ties. I have processed my feelings around the situation, and feel calm and neutral towards it. Continuing to wish them all the best on their paths.
Regular exercise has really helped my mood in general. I sat in the meeting after the gym and felt calm and serene. It was a lovely feeling. I'm even enjoying the muscle soreness, as I take it to be a sign of a job well done, and after today's session I'm feeling quite pumped. It's nice to do stretches during the day, to loosen up those tired muscles. It makes stretching feel even more enjoyable than usual.
I'm approaching 2 months at the gym now, and I'm starting to see some changes in my physique. I continue to be sensible with what I eat. I was gifted a box of chocolates, and for the first time in my life I didn't immediately crack it open and demolish the sweets. Instead I'm doing the unthinkable - re-gifting it to somebody else. Past couple of work meetings this week had cakes and sweets available for people to tuck into - and I didn't touch any of them.
I'll still have the occasional cheeky treat a couple of times a week, but there really isn't the urge to eat my feelings anymore, not when I can process things by speaking with my guides, meditating and exercising. Plus, the prolonged healthier eating and sobriety has really made a noticeable difference in mental health and clarity - and any time my mood dips, I notice it's corrected a lot quicker; and there's no prolonged sinking or wallowing. Pick myself up and dust myself off.
One of the biggest changes I've noticed in the past 18 months is how better I am at going to new places. Years ago I used to have agoraphobia, and even in the past couple of years there were times when socialising in new places caused panic attacks, and other unsavoury coping strategies. Being a carer for the elderly boosted my confidence, as well as making me really appreciate what I have; as a lot of people when they get older end up being housebound, or even bed bound. It helped me take stock of my life, and to feel truly thankful for where I am. One bed bound lady told me to fill my life with happy memories and experiences. A lot of people I cared for had a lot of depression and regret. This lady on the other hand told me that she had a mind full of happy memories - and it really emphasised how important it is to live a good life.
More recently, working with people who have learning disabilities, who are more has helped teach me patience, as well as deepening my appreciation and gratitude for what I have in life. Over the years many have told me how chilled out I am - which often felt at odds with how anxious I could feel inside; but I masked well. These days that calm feeling doesn't feel duplicitous; as it's felt genuinly inside and out. This new job has built confidence in defusing and managing challenging situations and behaviours. I also feel at ease going to new places, and doing things that would've filled me with dread a few years ago. Not only do I feel able to handle these situations, but I'm feeling more present, and really enjoying these new experiences.
So much has changed in the past couple of years, when I look back on where I was. Whilst I feel grounded and I'm truly enjoying my sobriety; I don't blame myself for self-medicating all those years. It wasn't easy, and juggling life and addiction ends up creating more stressors. Temporarily you feel like you're losening (or burying) your burdens, but in the long term addiction doesn't help anything - it masks certain problems, whilst creating a host of new one's to live with.
Onwards and upwards.
Ed
When the van sells I'm going to continue to pay for 1 PT session a week, as I find it helpful to have guidance, and it also provides variety in exercises and approach. He really puts me through my paces, but I feel amazing for it afterwards. Although, during some sets it can feel barbaric - and sometimes I'm trembling and screaming; and he's telling me to keep going and push through the pain.
Reminds me of what a bodybuilder said "Everyone in the gym is fighting their own demons." Recently I've found I'm overcoming the "mind over matter" reality that comes with the exhaustion when lifting weights. I've been tapping into this realisation, and I've been deliberately replacing the fatigue and mental doubts with oppositional defiance, and a healthy expulsion of anger.
Thankfully I am very aware of my safety, and hard limits. The couple of times where technique had caused some discomfort (when exercising solo) - I immediately stopped said exercise, and the next time I returned to it, I would take my time, tweak my technique and listen to my body - and all was well.
Today I went to do my solo session at the gym. I went in with tired muscles, but I safely pushed past the muscle soreness, and had another great session. In fact, I made it a slightly longer session, and added more exercises into the mix.
I said hello to a few regulars, and had a brief chat with someone in between doing our squat sets. He complimented my technique and perseverance which was nice to hear. Everyone is very friendly at the gym, and going there on set days of the week means I'm starting to see familiar faces.
Started using the steam room prior to the sauna as well - it's a very different experience, but I think I actually prefer it now to the sauna. Although both rooms today had several people in them, and they were quite chatty. I very much prefer having a quieter environment, as the confined space, plus the heat is quite intense on the senses; so having people talking constantly ontop of that makes me cut the visits a little shorter. It's all good though, as most of my visits those rooms are empty.
Had a work meeting after, and now some time to decompress before attending the Christmas Dinner for the Circle. This isn't the Circle run by my mentor, but the one for clairvoyant evenings on Thursdays. I haven't been back in a few weeks, since cutting off my friend. Although she hasn't been attending the past few weeks, because; as expected their unhealthy relationship dynamic imploded rapidly and dramatically within days.
Not sure if they'll be there tonight. But I realise it doesn't matter either way. I stand by my decision in cutting ties. I have processed my feelings around the situation, and feel calm and neutral towards it. Continuing to wish them all the best on their paths.
Regular exercise has really helped my mood in general. I sat in the meeting after the gym and felt calm and serene. It was a lovely feeling. I'm even enjoying the muscle soreness, as I take it to be a sign of a job well done, and after today's session I'm feeling quite pumped. It's nice to do stretches during the day, to loosen up those tired muscles. It makes stretching feel even more enjoyable than usual.
I'm approaching 2 months at the gym now, and I'm starting to see some changes in my physique. I continue to be sensible with what I eat. I was gifted a box of chocolates, and for the first time in my life I didn't immediately crack it open and demolish the sweets. Instead I'm doing the unthinkable - re-gifting it to somebody else. Past couple of work meetings this week had cakes and sweets available for people to tuck into - and I didn't touch any of them.
I'll still have the occasional cheeky treat a couple of times a week, but there really isn't the urge to eat my feelings anymore, not when I can process things by speaking with my guides, meditating and exercising. Plus, the prolonged healthier eating and sobriety has really made a noticeable difference in mental health and clarity - and any time my mood dips, I notice it's corrected a lot quicker; and there's no prolonged sinking or wallowing. Pick myself up and dust myself off.
One of the biggest changes I've noticed in the past 18 months is how better I am at going to new places. Years ago I used to have agoraphobia, and even in the past couple of years there were times when socialising in new places caused panic attacks, and other unsavoury coping strategies. Being a carer for the elderly boosted my confidence, as well as making me really appreciate what I have; as a lot of people when they get older end up being housebound, or even bed bound. It helped me take stock of my life, and to feel truly thankful for where I am. One bed bound lady told me to fill my life with happy memories and experiences. A lot of people I cared for had a lot of depression and regret. This lady on the other hand told me that she had a mind full of happy memories - and it really emphasised how important it is to live a good life.
More recently, working with people who have learning disabilities, who are more has helped teach me patience, as well as deepening my appreciation and gratitude for what I have in life. Over the years many have told me how chilled out I am - which often felt at odds with how anxious I could feel inside; but I masked well. These days that calm feeling doesn't feel duplicitous; as it's felt genuinly inside and out. This new job has built confidence in defusing and managing challenging situations and behaviours. I also feel at ease going to new places, and doing things that would've filled me with dread a few years ago. Not only do I feel able to handle these situations, but I'm feeling more present, and really enjoying these new experiences.
So much has changed in the past couple of years, when I look back on where I was. Whilst I feel grounded and I'm truly enjoying my sobriety; I don't blame myself for self-medicating all those years. It wasn't easy, and juggling life and addiction ends up creating more stressors. Temporarily you feel like you're losening (or burying) your burdens, but in the long term addiction doesn't help anything - it masks certain problems, whilst creating a host of new one's to live with.
Onwards and upwards.
Ed
