For the 16th Lisbon Pride Parade, a Transfeminist bloc was formed; marching at the head of the Parade, we protested the pathologisation of transgender people and the lack of concern about the death and pain we still suffer at the hands of transphobic individuals.
It's been exactly a week, and yet my chest still fills with happiness whenever I think back to all that happened in Saturday. I'm still not sure what I expected, to be honest - animosity, almost definitely, feeling alienated and like I didn't belong, feeling left out as everyone gathered in groups and talked. That's what always happens, after all, no matter how much I wish I could just walk up to people and start talking, all natural-like. I expected to be ignored, and rightly so - I didn't belong, after all, had never showed up for protests or gatherings or debates. (That kind of happens when you live in the middle of nowhere, sadly.)
"Less austerity, more fabulousness"
That is not what happened. The exact opposite did, in fact - I have never felt so at home. I don't think I'd ever realised how alone and isolated I was before I met people like me, before I talked to them and heard their stories and understood that they - we - are, indeed, real, that I am not alone, that I have a whole queer family out there that is willing to drop everything to help, just as I am willing to help them. Granted, I had met a trans person before - my friend Mi, who has, for over a year, been my main source of strength and the major cause for my journey of self-discovery, a truly amazing person without whom I wouldn't even have considered the possibility of being anything other than cis.
Mi. "Transphobia is your problem!"
Sentimentality aside, - and there is a lot, as the Parade meant so much, and probably will for a long time - this event offered a great chance for me to further explore my gender and how I feel about my non-binary identity, outside interactions between Mi and I. I chose a gender-neutral name (a bit of a last minute decision, really) and, since we don't have gender-neutral pronouns in the Portuguese language, just asked people to avoid them as much as possible, and use whichever they felt like when that couldn't be avoided. It was very important to me, and it only served to strengthen my belief that this is who I am. It is difficult to explain, but everything felt so right.
Knowing I was not alone, however, was the most important of all. I can't emphasize enough just how much it meant to me - being alone for so long (especially being stuck in the cis-het ocean that is this town) only to be confronted by all these people who care, who understand. It was overwhelming. We were thousands there - there's no way you will feel alone after you see that so many people understand how you feel. ♥ It truly served to clear my mind - the changes this weekend brought about were obvious even to me, as I came back to classes on Monday, so very fresh and happy despite having spent over 24 h awake over the weekend. I met so many people, so many gorgeous people (honestly, why was everyone so damn gorgeous?) and I honestly can't wait to meet them all again.
Here's to the next year, and the many years to come.
