In this post I'll try to explain my personal vision of the relationships and also a trick which I use to improve my communication during the relationships.
As for my personal vision of the relationships. I see the two ways to being in a relationships: 1) Romantic relationships; 2) Sexual relationships. I think that both of them could exist. Of course, this may sound weird but if girl don't attract me sexually I see no reason to break relationships - I'll just follow different algorithm. There are also many so called "triggers" which defines the type of algorithm I'll follow. So depending on these "triggers" I can choose between romantic an sexual relationships. This is rather difficult to explain but only the proper combination of characteristics (both physical and mental) could launch the particular algorithm.
There are one thing that makes me "weird" - I accept only long term relationships. Just because I think that spending the resources of a neural system and emotions is not logical for short relationships "just for fun" - like flirting or casual sex. I don't fear that girl can throw me away, but I prefer to know about her intention beforehand - otherwise I could get a shutdown, heavy panic attack or long depression. Unfortunately no one neurotypical can say you: "Well, you didn't satisfies my requirements so we must leave each other" - they will lie, but never say the truth.
Another my problems in relationships includes:
1. Wrong recognition of my true gender by neurotypicals. I consider myself a man, I don't have a gender dysphoria and I don't wear girl's clothings - but surrounding people consider me maybe not a "girl" but a strange "sexless" creature. Well, I don't have a typical masculine features: such as aggression, muscled body etc. Maybe this is due to my neurodiversity though... I may look like UNIX computer in a Windows netwotk and people just can't define my real state. But this is very unattractive for girls.
2. Following strict communication protocols and instructions while in relationships. Girls consider me "too right" and this is unattractive for them too. As I learned recently women prefers a males which acts spontaneously - not like "bio-robots". But I always thinked that predictable and peaceful man is better for long term relationships. Neurotypicals thinks different though...
3. Lack of emotional development. Since 2-nd or 3-rd date my feelings could stay at the same level even after several months. This is probably because girl becames another my obsession but nothing more. I red that aspies can't feel love in a neurotypical sense and aspie's love looks much like an obsession or special interest.
4. Functioning in a "neurotypical emulation mode" while in relationships. This is very hard and energy-consuming mode; I feel myself like overclocked computer on a dates and tires extremely fast. The most common results of such functioning are shutdowns, sensory and emotional overloads, panic attacks and depressions. Thus relationships turns into the real torture, but not into a pleasure.
5. The algorithm of a sexual relationships still in "pre-Alpha" state. I'm 27 and still virgin. No further comments...
6. Non-conventional understanding of roles of man and woman in relationships. For example, I can call girl "my girlfriend" or even "sweetheart" after the first kiss, but not after the first sex (as neurotypicals usually does). Thus if we haven't sexual relationships girl could easily throw me away and may even
don't know that I consider herself more than "just a friend".
7. Literal understanding. When I invite girl to my apartment "for a cup of tea" I mean that we'll drink a tea (while neurotypicals thinks about sex). When girl says me: "Let's be a good friends" I think that she wants to spend a weekends and communicate with me but without romantic (while neurotypicals thinks that such phrase means the end of a relationships).
I have a trick to simulate the emotional development during the relationships. This is so called "flower code". I present different flowers to girls on a dates which marks the expected states of my emotions. For example: on a second date I present one white rose, after several next dates - rose-coloured rose, after several next - salmon-coloured rose, next - scarlet rose, then - dark-vinous rose. If I still thinking about being in a relationships I can present any flower besides roses. Unfortunately, this is only a "visual simulation" of feelings which I really don't feel and skilled "high-functioning" neurotypical can easily recognize what I really feel.
That's why sometimes I think about follow the asexual way of life - because relationships are too difficult and too exhausting for me. On the other side I really want to be in relationships but without neurotypical "dodges", lie and manipulation. Is it possible with a neurotypical girl? Still doubt...
As for my personal vision of the relationships. I see the two ways to being in a relationships: 1) Romantic relationships; 2) Sexual relationships. I think that both of them could exist. Of course, this may sound weird but if girl don't attract me sexually I see no reason to break relationships - I'll just follow different algorithm. There are also many so called "triggers" which defines the type of algorithm I'll follow. So depending on these "triggers" I can choose between romantic an sexual relationships. This is rather difficult to explain but only the proper combination of characteristics (both physical and mental) could launch the particular algorithm.
There are one thing that makes me "weird" - I accept only long term relationships. Just because I think that spending the resources of a neural system and emotions is not logical for short relationships "just for fun" - like flirting or casual sex. I don't fear that girl can throw me away, but I prefer to know about her intention beforehand - otherwise I could get a shutdown, heavy panic attack or long depression. Unfortunately no one neurotypical can say you: "Well, you didn't satisfies my requirements so we must leave each other" - they will lie, but never say the truth.
Another my problems in relationships includes:
1. Wrong recognition of my true gender by neurotypicals. I consider myself a man, I don't have a gender dysphoria and I don't wear girl's clothings - but surrounding people consider me maybe not a "girl" but a strange "sexless" creature. Well, I don't have a typical masculine features: such as aggression, muscled body etc. Maybe this is due to my neurodiversity though... I may look like UNIX computer in a Windows netwotk and people just can't define my real state. But this is very unattractive for girls.
2. Following strict communication protocols and instructions while in relationships. Girls consider me "too right" and this is unattractive for them too. As I learned recently women prefers a males which acts spontaneously - not like "bio-robots". But I always thinked that predictable and peaceful man is better for long term relationships. Neurotypicals thinks different though...
3. Lack of emotional development. Since 2-nd or 3-rd date my feelings could stay at the same level even after several months. This is probably because girl becames another my obsession but nothing more. I red that aspies can't feel love in a neurotypical sense and aspie's love looks much like an obsession or special interest.
4. Functioning in a "neurotypical emulation mode" while in relationships. This is very hard and energy-consuming mode; I feel myself like overclocked computer on a dates and tires extremely fast. The most common results of such functioning are shutdowns, sensory and emotional overloads, panic attacks and depressions. Thus relationships turns into the real torture, but not into a pleasure.
5. The algorithm of a sexual relationships still in "pre-Alpha" state. I'm 27 and still virgin. No further comments...
6. Non-conventional understanding of roles of man and woman in relationships. For example, I can call girl "my girlfriend" or even "sweetheart" after the first kiss, but not after the first sex (as neurotypicals usually does). Thus if we haven't sexual relationships girl could easily throw me away and may even
don't know that I consider herself more than "just a friend".
7. Literal understanding. When I invite girl to my apartment "for a cup of tea" I mean that we'll drink a tea (while neurotypicals thinks about sex). When girl says me: "Let's be a good friends" I think that she wants to spend a weekends and communicate with me but without romantic (while neurotypicals thinks that such phrase means the end of a relationships).
I have a trick to simulate the emotional development during the relationships. This is so called "flower code". I present different flowers to girls on a dates which marks the expected states of my emotions. For example: on a second date I present one white rose, after several next dates - rose-coloured rose, after several next - salmon-coloured rose, next - scarlet rose, then - dark-vinous rose. If I still thinking about being in a relationships I can present any flower besides roses. Unfortunately, this is only a "visual simulation" of feelings which I really don't feel and skilled "high-functioning" neurotypical can easily recognize what I really feel.
That's why sometimes I think about follow the asexual way of life - because relationships are too difficult and too exhausting for me. On the other side I really want to be in relationships but without neurotypical "dodges", lie and manipulation. Is it possible with a neurotypical girl? Still doubt...
