Restless no ready to expire

Restless.
I cant sleep.
Cant eat.
Lie awake.
Ache.
Mistake you for what was once hate.
Jaws tired. Brains scrambled.
Body bruised, beaten down.
Sick tired in defeat. Im so sick of this misery.
Im seeking out, screaming out. Speaking out.
I wont hold onto the pain no more. Wont keep in tight enclosed anymore.
Suffocation, intoxication. Frustration, fixation. Which situation.
Mind over matter, heart over blood. I wont breath the fumes anymore.
No more fumes of hate to inflate in cranium into a rage of intoxication.
Just to fall off the edge again. Baddle uphill again. Look down hill agin. Fall right down again.
I cant be put back together again.
Brought back to life only so many times before my life will eventually expire.
I dont want to expire I havent even been admired.