Life sometimes is confusing. For a variety of reasons, but rarely for the following I’m about to write about. I suppose a little notion of “this might be emotional to some” comes in effect here. (And, a little bit of swearing)
A precedence which seems to be relevant in this; It’s not that weird to hear people on the spectrum point out they have issues in recognizing faces and remembering them. A fancy word for this is prosopagnosia; which is pretty much facial blindness.
I’m one of those people who has this regularly; unless we’re dealing with distinct features. But if you look like the average joe and not with an elaborate facial tattoo, a weird haircut… I might just not have a clue who you are if I talk to you the 2nd time. I had to explain this to a friend of mine who once ran into me in the street and just waved without saying a word. He found it odd I just gave him a bit of a surprised look instead of greeting him.
Thus far I mitigate many issues of this by memorizing other things of people; tone of voice, smell, certain other details of them. In a lot of cases I manage fairly fine. And if all fails, context helps. The 2 people I live with are my parents; but really, if someone with the same physique as my dad would show up and they wouldn’t say a word, I’d probably end up telling a complete stranger we’re out of toilet paper and I’m going out to the grocery store to buy chicken legs.
Now, as I’ve talked about a few times recently; my mom’s health is declining fast. She had 4 strokes last summer. It also means she can’t get out of bed (which is in the living room now) and can’t even go to the bathroom. We have a nurse come in multiple times a day, so all in all it’s serious. But come this Tuesday she’s going to a carehome for therapy and a temporary stay, which will relieve a lot of stress and pressure on the Oni household.
Anyway; here’s the big issue I ran into in its utmost confusion. And actually have to deal with on a daily basis.
See, I recognize people by their characteristics. But in the past 30 years, I didn’t have to deal with someone who was near mute and just laughs about anything and everything for no reason is pretty much crippled and unable to go anywhere.
However, that person has now become my mom. Or better yet, in my registers of people I know based on characteristics, someone new.
The person I knew, and attributed to “my mom” is no more. She’s not the same person. She doesn’t smell like her, she doesn’t sound like her, she doesn’t act like her. I have no actual frame of reference aside from “she’s the person my dad has been married to for the past 35-ish years” and "she's one of the people in this house and I doubt a burglar is acting like he/she's ill and decided to lie in bed".
Mentally, a person, someone close to me, a relative, died, months ago, when I realized I cannot communicate with her in a sensible way. That was the last pillar of me being connected to and with her.
And you know what the worst it all is; despite already saying your last goodbyes mentally to someone, physically, she’s still here… in the same house.
Mentally my mom is my mental Schrodinger’s cat; she’s both alive and dead. And that my friends, is some seriously f***ed up stuff I don’t wish anyone to experience.
A precedence which seems to be relevant in this; It’s not that weird to hear people on the spectrum point out they have issues in recognizing faces and remembering them. A fancy word for this is prosopagnosia; which is pretty much facial blindness.
I’m one of those people who has this regularly; unless we’re dealing with distinct features. But if you look like the average joe and not with an elaborate facial tattoo, a weird haircut… I might just not have a clue who you are if I talk to you the 2nd time. I had to explain this to a friend of mine who once ran into me in the street and just waved without saying a word. He found it odd I just gave him a bit of a surprised look instead of greeting him.
Thus far I mitigate many issues of this by memorizing other things of people; tone of voice, smell, certain other details of them. In a lot of cases I manage fairly fine. And if all fails, context helps. The 2 people I live with are my parents; but really, if someone with the same physique as my dad would show up and they wouldn’t say a word, I’d probably end up telling a complete stranger we’re out of toilet paper and I’m going out to the grocery store to buy chicken legs.
Now, as I’ve talked about a few times recently; my mom’s health is declining fast. She had 4 strokes last summer. It also means she can’t get out of bed (which is in the living room now) and can’t even go to the bathroom. We have a nurse come in multiple times a day, so all in all it’s serious. But come this Tuesday she’s going to a carehome for therapy and a temporary stay, which will relieve a lot of stress and pressure on the Oni household.
Anyway; here’s the big issue I ran into in its utmost confusion. And actually have to deal with on a daily basis.
See, I recognize people by their characteristics. But in the past 30 years, I didn’t have to deal with someone who was near mute and just laughs about anything and everything for no reason is pretty much crippled and unable to go anywhere.
However, that person has now become my mom. Or better yet, in my registers of people I know based on characteristics, someone new.
The person I knew, and attributed to “my mom” is no more. She’s not the same person. She doesn’t smell like her, she doesn’t sound like her, she doesn’t act like her. I have no actual frame of reference aside from “she’s the person my dad has been married to for the past 35-ish years” and "she's one of the people in this house and I doubt a burglar is acting like he/she's ill and decided to lie in bed".
Mentally, a person, someone close to me, a relative, died, months ago, when I realized I cannot communicate with her in a sensible way. That was the last pillar of me being connected to and with her.
And you know what the worst it all is; despite already saying your last goodbyes mentally to someone, physically, she’s still here… in the same house.
Mentally my mom is my mental Schrodinger’s cat; she’s both alive and dead. And that my friends, is some seriously f***ed up stuff I don’t wish anyone to experience.
