This is my biggest problem that haunts my every move, action and general thought. I am starting to see it as immaturity, due to my lack of understanding of how life functionally works in every way. I have no experience in many things, but I self-doubt success in every regard, despite having zero experience with nearly anything. I don't know what will happen. But I catastrophise before anything even happens and just sit on the negativity. Avoiding even trying.
I think it affects even eatting and other activities. I fear things that won't happen. I fear a lack of live for mistakes. I fear being yelled at and expecting every mistake to be a reason to be yelled at.
I have made my stepmother's very existence, my world. I've made my Dad's abessenteeness, my reality.
Emotionally disconnected and not caring about anything. Believing it has to be this way because they were that way toward me. I must do it to myself. Self-torment. Emotional suppresion. Death of personality and sense of self.
This is my mask. Emotionless and Personless. A enitity with no identity beyond thier condition. No wonder I identify as and find interest in dolls. They look how I feel. Dead but living.
I think it affects even eatting and other activities. I fear things that won't happen. I fear a lack of live for mistakes. I fear being yelled at and expecting every mistake to be a reason to be yelled at.
I have made my stepmother's very existence, my world. I've made my Dad's abessenteeness, my reality.
Emotionally disconnected and not caring about anything. Believing it has to be this way because they were that way toward me. I must do it to myself. Self-torment. Emotional suppresion. Death of personality and sense of self.
This is my mask. Emotionless and Personless. A enitity with no identity beyond thier condition. No wonder I identify as and find interest in dolls. They look how I feel. Dead but living.
