I feel my mindset is now on a far better path, than it was. Things do not stress me like they use to. The fears, delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia are about fully gone.
Though I think what helped spur this extra push on my journey, is the fact that I put an extra effort into limiting phone use. Which, after a few days, made me see how reliant on the phone I was. I was addicted to entertaining myself with it. Something I really have no interest in doing anymore. And in disconnecting, like I have. I have found myself feeling more up to doing things, I otherwise would not do.
Though another contributing factor is that I am taking vitamin chewables and fish oil. The results were gradual, but alot of my psychosis episodes are reduced significantly. And not having electronics dictate my mental state, is added help in that regard.
Who knew that vitamin deficiency can be such a problem.
But seriously. It is a relief to be able to have a semblance of control over the chaos. Not feeling that everyday is a perpetual danger. That I have to perminately be in defense mode about everything. It's amazing really.
I do eat well though. My Uncle sees to that. None of the frozen food, junk food, or fast food. Though fast food is only a occasional thing. And doing the cleanse two times has helped my body clean the junk that came from years of junky food. Mostly because I was lazy and my stepmother can't cook worth crap.
Speaking of the cleanse. I'll be starting it for a third time, tomorrow. My Uncle is doing it with me, like with the previous times I did. And he has done it far more than I have. Though unlike the previous two times where I only did it because my Uncle had me do it. I chose to want to start doing it for myself.
And that mindset is something that I am feeling more. Doing things because I want to do it. Not because I am being told to do it or are "obligated" to do it. I am wanting to do it for me. Mostly because I know I can do it and I have done it before. It's actually amazing how it makes you feel after doing it.
But this past week or so, has been the most productive towards helping me understand what I must do for myself. I've only posted a few of the discoveries here in the forum. Though it's a small microcosm of the discoveries and realizations I've had. Maybe I should take a picture of my dresser sometime. The number of sticky notes there, are to help keep me on track.
Written are self realizations, things told to me by my Uncle, and things told to me by my psychologist. I cannot forget that which is with me in my room daily. Though sticky notes have been the only way I've remembered some crucial things in the past. So it works.
Journaling has helped in a number of ways. Namely in helping me start to break my bad habit of internalizing everything. I have come to some important realizations through writing down my thoughts. And it has me seeing more and more how much of this is just trama. And how badly my past situations broke me.
But in seeing that. I also see how far I have come from the videogaming recluse, that I once was, when I first came to my Uncle. I am miles away from that version of myself now.
Though I still remain generally directionless in life. I have grown more sure of myself as a person. And now don't stand in silence. Confused to why I am not a better person, nor will make the effort. It's not that I ever wasn't a good person. Nor had no desire to try. It was fear. Overwhelming fear. Fear I, hence forth, have broken.
This place I live, slowly becoming a sanctity of my own safety and happiness. Because I now truly recognize my environment isn't dangerous and that my Uncle is helping me. That my psychologist is helping me. That I DO have nothing to fear. Nothing bad will happen.
Maybe one day soon, I'll see myself doing something I enjoy in life. It feels more in grasp now, than ever before.
I can do.
I will get there.
Though I think what helped spur this extra push on my journey, is the fact that I put an extra effort into limiting phone use. Which, after a few days, made me see how reliant on the phone I was. I was addicted to entertaining myself with it. Something I really have no interest in doing anymore. And in disconnecting, like I have. I have found myself feeling more up to doing things, I otherwise would not do.
Though another contributing factor is that I am taking vitamin chewables and fish oil. The results were gradual, but alot of my psychosis episodes are reduced significantly. And not having electronics dictate my mental state, is added help in that regard.
Who knew that vitamin deficiency can be such a problem.
But seriously. It is a relief to be able to have a semblance of control over the chaos. Not feeling that everyday is a perpetual danger. That I have to perminately be in defense mode about everything. It's amazing really.
I do eat well though. My Uncle sees to that. None of the frozen food, junk food, or fast food. Though fast food is only a occasional thing. And doing the cleanse two times has helped my body clean the junk that came from years of junky food. Mostly because I was lazy and my stepmother can't cook worth crap.
Speaking of the cleanse. I'll be starting it for a third time, tomorrow. My Uncle is doing it with me, like with the previous times I did. And he has done it far more than I have. Though unlike the previous two times where I only did it because my Uncle had me do it. I chose to want to start doing it for myself.
And that mindset is something that I am feeling more. Doing things because I want to do it. Not because I am being told to do it or are "obligated" to do it. I am wanting to do it for me. Mostly because I know I can do it and I have done it before. It's actually amazing how it makes you feel after doing it.
But this past week or so, has been the most productive towards helping me understand what I must do for myself. I've only posted a few of the discoveries here in the forum. Though it's a small microcosm of the discoveries and realizations I've had. Maybe I should take a picture of my dresser sometime. The number of sticky notes there, are to help keep me on track.
Written are self realizations, things told to me by my Uncle, and things told to me by my psychologist. I cannot forget that which is with me in my room daily. Though sticky notes have been the only way I've remembered some crucial things in the past. So it works.
Journaling has helped in a number of ways. Namely in helping me start to break my bad habit of internalizing everything. I have come to some important realizations through writing down my thoughts. And it has me seeing more and more how much of this is just trama. And how badly my past situations broke me.
But in seeing that. I also see how far I have come from the videogaming recluse, that I once was, when I first came to my Uncle. I am miles away from that version of myself now.
Though I still remain generally directionless in life. I have grown more sure of myself as a person. And now don't stand in silence. Confused to why I am not a better person, nor will make the effort. It's not that I ever wasn't a good person. Nor had no desire to try. It was fear. Overwhelming fear. Fear I, hence forth, have broken.
This place I live, slowly becoming a sanctity of my own safety and happiness. Because I now truly recognize my environment isn't dangerous and that my Uncle is helping me. That my psychologist is helping me. That I DO have nothing to fear. Nothing bad will happen.
Maybe one day soon, I'll see myself doing something I enjoy in life. It feels more in grasp now, than ever before.
I can do.
I will get there.
