I call it a shroud intentionally. It hurts and causes personal problems when I have to play competent [see: normal and healthy] for more than a couple hours. Sometimes i do literally feel like I'm dying because I am pushing so hard to be any kind of productive.
This isn't about autism. It is, but not. Autism is something I can deal with. But stripping my personal resources [all the health problems] make my ability to navigate the world extremely minimal.
Ultimately, its about many of the health issues I deal with, almost all the time.
What people don't understand:
Why I don't work [right now].
The extent of my health problems and how they affect my functioning.
The amount of pain i experience on a regular basis.
It isn't easy to just "get better". I have chronic pain, accompanied off and on- by a **** load of other stuff- seizures, migraines, incredible inflammation, restricted range of motion, loose joints...
It can go on and on.
What is troubling me right now? I was hoping to maybe get a small job [10-12 hours] in the next couple of months. I'm sewing a dress for/with a friend now though...
Over the course of sewing this dress I have hurt both wrists- not by doing anything crazy and not by repetitive injury. Just from doing relatively normal stuff.
Yesterday apparently I used my hands too much- I woke up and they were in painful claws.
I've been exhausted and unable to do much else except work on the dress, which normally would take me half the time or less.
My back is starting to seize up.
Today, until I woke up again about a couple hours ago- I had one of the most intense migraines I can remember. I was debating having someone bring me to th emergency room. If it had still been around when I woke up, I would have gone.
My point?
I can't have a job. Not now, not for a long time.
Pretending i can do stuff like a normal person [even a really lazy normal person]- is such a burden. It literally causes me physical harm at this point. I have contacted PT place but they keep not getting back to me.
I'm really frustrated. And sick of hurting all the time.
I no longer know what it is like to not be in pain- for right now there isn't in reality much I can do about it.
This isn't about autism. It is, but not. Autism is something I can deal with. But stripping my personal resources [all the health problems] make my ability to navigate the world extremely minimal.
Ultimately, its about many of the health issues I deal with, almost all the time.
What people don't understand:
Why I don't work [right now].
The extent of my health problems and how they affect my functioning.
The amount of pain i experience on a regular basis.
It isn't easy to just "get better". I have chronic pain, accompanied off and on- by a **** load of other stuff- seizures, migraines, incredible inflammation, restricted range of motion, loose joints...
It can go on and on.
What is troubling me right now? I was hoping to maybe get a small job [10-12 hours] in the next couple of months. I'm sewing a dress for/with a friend now though...
Over the course of sewing this dress I have hurt both wrists- not by doing anything crazy and not by repetitive injury. Just from doing relatively normal stuff.
Yesterday apparently I used my hands too much- I woke up and they were in painful claws.
I've been exhausted and unable to do much else except work on the dress, which normally would take me half the time or less.
My back is starting to seize up.
Today, until I woke up again about a couple hours ago- I had one of the most intense migraines I can remember. I was debating having someone bring me to th emergency room. If it had still been around when I woke up, I would have gone.
My point?
I can't have a job. Not now, not for a long time.
Pretending i can do stuff like a normal person [even a really lazy normal person]- is such a burden. It literally causes me physical harm at this point. I have contacted PT place but they keep not getting back to me.
I'm really frustrated. And sick of hurting all the time.
I no longer know what it is like to not be in pain- for right now there isn't in reality much I can do about it.
