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Socializing with coworkers

  • Author Author Bolletje
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  • Blog entry read time Blog entry read time 1 min read
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Some days, being on the spectrum hurts. Sometimes weeks go by without me thinking about being on the spectrum, those are good weeks. And then I find myself in a situation where I can't deny being different. During a lunch break with my coworkers, spending the entire break in awkward silence, waiting for an opportunity to join in the conversation. Somehow it seems most of the conversations are about people I don't know, parties I wasn't at, jokes I'm not in on. Some days I skip lunch altogether and eat quietly at my desk instead. I don't want to do this, though. I don't want to alienate myself from my coworkers. I want them to like me, because I want to stay at this job. It's just very tricky because I don't do well socially when I'm in a group. Not when sober, at least ;)

Still, I can't complain. I'm two months into my final internship and I still love every minute of it. My supervisors are incredibly impressed with my skill and knowledge, my performance reviews are great and my boss says they love me as a person. She sternly told me to get over my insecurity because I have nothing to be insecure about. Which is awesome. Now if I could only work up the nerve to chitchat and make small talk with my coworkers
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A
They do have sites on the internet that help you learn about body language, a big part of what puts Aspies at a social disadvantage. They had books before that and I read some of them, actually I read a lot of them. It does help, but it takes time and energy. There are also sites about small talk.

I have not seen this written explicitly, but I believe small talk, stupid and useless as it may seem to Aspies, is for the purpose of bonding between NTs. It also helps to read up on small talk.

Getting better at small talk is easier and less time consuming than learning about body language. You do not have to be brilliant at small talk and you can say mostly the same stuff over and over without the need for putting much thought into new stuff. I am not very good at small talk, but the time I did put into it helped me get much better at it.

Observation of how people who are adept socially can be very helpful. That is how I noticed that small talk is usually fairly repetitious for the bulk of it. It works to memorize some basic things to say, and keep using them a lot. Cribbing some of this from socially adept people is good as long as you are not too obvious.

Since you have just about finished your medical training, you obviously have the ability to learn enough small talk to help you out socially and a little understanding of body language.

Body language is especially useful to help Aspies and other socially inept types to know useful stuff like when to duck, so to speak. I guess I need to blog about this.
 
Bolletje
Alaska said:
They do have sites on the internet that help you learn about body language, a big part of what puts Aspies at a social disadvantage. They had books before that and I read some of them, actually I read a lot of them. It does help, but it takes time and energy. There are also sites about small talk.

I have not seen this written explicitly, but I believe small talk, stupid and useless as it may seem to Aspies, is for the purpose of bonding between NTs. It also helps to read up on small talk.

Getting better at small talk is easier and less time consuming than learning about body language. You do not have to be brilliant at small talk and you can say mostly the same stuff over and over without the need for putting much thought into new stuff. I am not very good at small talk, but the time I did put into it helped me get much better at it.

Observation of how people who are adept socially can be very helpful. That is how I noticed that small talk is usually fairly repetitious for the bulk of it. It works to memorize some basic things to say, and keep using them a lot. Cribbing some of this from socially adept people is good as long as you are not too obvious.

Since you have just about finished your medical training, you obviously have the ability to learn enough small talk to help you out socially and a little understanding of body language.

Body language is especially useful to help Aspies and other socially inept types to know useful stuff like when to duck, so to speak. I guess I need to blog about this.
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Small talk is used for bonding, for sure. I try to engage in it as much as possible, just as I pay attention to my body language. Med school (as well as boxing, haha) have helped me a lot with what my body language tells people, versus what I can read from others. I've gotten relatively good at both, but I find that as group size increases, my aptitude rapidly decreases. If only I could be mildly inebriated during work lunches! ;)
 

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Bolletje
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