this is barely coherent, I started with a point, then I gave into chasing ever faster and erratic line of thought. Maybe I will finish what I started out trying to achieve, for now. Just rambles.
I am not sympathetic. most times, when people are feeling bad, my basic line of reasoning is to just push through. maybe this line of thought has come from the things I have been this line of thought has come from the things i have been through. Maybe I have been hardened by experiences in life. Maybe, I was born with it. Maybe... I don't know why.
I am not immune to the effect of others emotions. sympathy comes only when something really bad happened. Part of me thinks it is not because of the knee jerk emotional reaction of sympathy, but my strong ability to empathize.
Game of thrones, season three episode nine (spoilers beware) Catiline, after her husband being murdered, daughters being taken hostage, two sons being what she thought burned alive, was placed in a situation where they were betrayed at a wedding, and metaphorically (for the moment) put to the knife. Her despite actions to simply save her son at all costs got me feeling sour inside. What she has went through, and what she was going through in that moment made me feel. I am not a heartless monster after all.
I question though. My feelings come from understanding of a story, one made to be as brutal as possible. I only started to feel when the full flashback of what this women went through hit me with full force. I empathized with her, as I do with anyone else, and through thought, I deemed that I should feel for her. What happens when I deem feeling is not withing my best interests?
I make it sound like I have a choice, sometimes I so, sometimes I don't. The times I don't is for the most part, only in story. The real life, I almost never sympathies, even with my ability to understand the intense emotions, and the situation that led to those emotions.
There is a disconnect. I empathize, but I do not feel. I understand, but my emotions don't care.
I have faith that I am a good person. I dont feel, but I understand they need help, and will give it in whatever way I can. I do what I understand is the right thing, because the right things are needed to be done, for the sake of others and myself.
I just wish I didn't have to feel like others emotions are a burden on me. I want to feel sorry.
I don't want to be heartless
Maybe it makes me a better person, maybe it doesn't. advantages and disadvantages. black and white. emotions... useful or not? I dont care anymore. I just want to be normal
I am not sympathetic. most times, when people are feeling bad, my basic line of reasoning is to just push through. maybe this line of thought has come from the things I have been this line of thought has come from the things i have been through. Maybe I have been hardened by experiences in life. Maybe, I was born with it. Maybe... I don't know why.
I am not immune to the effect of others emotions. sympathy comes only when something really bad happened. Part of me thinks it is not because of the knee jerk emotional reaction of sympathy, but my strong ability to empathize.
Game of thrones, season three episode nine (spoilers beware) Catiline, after her husband being murdered, daughters being taken hostage, two sons being what she thought burned alive, was placed in a situation where they were betrayed at a wedding, and metaphorically (for the moment) put to the knife. Her despite actions to simply save her son at all costs got me feeling sour inside. What she has went through, and what she was going through in that moment made me feel. I am not a heartless monster after all.
I question though. My feelings come from understanding of a story, one made to be as brutal as possible. I only started to feel when the full flashback of what this women went through hit me with full force. I empathized with her, as I do with anyone else, and through thought, I deemed that I should feel for her. What happens when I deem feeling is not withing my best interests?
I make it sound like I have a choice, sometimes I so, sometimes I don't. The times I don't is for the most part, only in story. The real life, I almost never sympathies, even with my ability to understand the intense emotions, and the situation that led to those emotions.
There is a disconnect. I empathize, but I do not feel. I understand, but my emotions don't care.
I have faith that I am a good person. I dont feel, but I understand they need help, and will give it in whatever way I can. I do what I understand is the right thing, because the right things are needed to be done, for the sake of others and myself.
I just wish I didn't have to feel like others emotions are a burden on me. I want to feel sorry.
I don't want to be heartless
Maybe it makes me a better person, maybe it doesn't. advantages and disadvantages. black and white. emotions... useful or not? I dont care anymore. I just want to be normal
