Yesterday I wrote about a short movie that was produced by some members of my theater group and the reaction of one of the parents to it. While I agree that it probably was not the most appropriate thing to show to an audience that included young children--and the person showing it was well aware that there would be young children present--I think that by reacting the way she did, the mother has now let her children know (if they didn't before!) that there are things that she does not want them to know about, particularly the girl, whom I am guessing feels rather resentful that there are things her brothers can do and know about that she cannot. I am guessing that is at the root of her attitude problem, and while I can't applaud the girl's behavior--she does have some real problems relating to others--the fact that she is angry and resentful at her age (9) shows she is aware on some level that something is not right with what she is being taught and expected to believe about life. I do hope for her sake that she find some constructive way of dealing with those feelings rather than the all-too-familiar story of rebellion, sex, and pregnancy at 13 or 14. I'm afraid that Mama fears these things too, but is going about it in a way guaranteed to drive her daughter down this path.
It is always dangerous to let kids know that there is something you do not want them to know about, and especially to make a big deal about it. All you've done is spark their curiosity. The problem is a lot of adults have forgotten what it is like to be curious about something--anything--and thus can't imagine the thrill of finding out something you didn't know before. Or they may have been raised in an environment that discourages curiosity and bought into that mindset without thinking too deeply about it. But a kid who is curious--and who hasn't had that natural impulse stifled--will find ways of satisfying their curiosity, whether openly or furtively. This mother is well on the way to encouraging the latter. Hmm, I wonder what is in that scene Mama keeps fast-forwarding--hey, she's not around, let's watch that DVD. Ah--the thrill of the forbidden!
If you were to ask people at my former church what is the biggest danger on the Internet today as far as kids are concerned, they would all say pornography and other sex-related sites. That just shows how unimaginative they are. Yes, these sites are a problem in many ways. BUT--if you are a parent or grandparent who sincerely and firmly believes that there is only one narrow way to salvation, that there is someone out there named Satan who is out to destroy your souls, I say pornography and sex sites are the very least of your problem.
The growing problem of unbelief is not talked about much in evangelical circles and my experience is that people do not want to talk about it. They'd rather ignore it, just as they'd rather ignore the existence of GLBT people in their midst. In my three years in the small evangelical church I never heard one sermon directed against gay people. The subject did not come up. That church, like many, exists on assumptions that few question. And one of the assumptions is that their children do not struggle with sexual/gender identity issues, do not struggle with faith issues.
In the past when young people (and not so young!) struggled with these issues, of being a square peg in a round hole, they were pretty much alone. Not so anymore. If you have a computer--and even those that homeschool have computers (how could they do so otherwise?)--and you know how to use a search engine, you can find fellow travelers fairly quickly. I am not aware of any software out there that blocks atheist or religious sites. That's because these sites are a well-kept secret. And I for one am not about to call my former church family's attention to their existence. As an agnostic it suits me just fine that parents are worried about sex sites because it diverts attention from the fact that we have forums where we openly talk about issues relating to faith and sexuality, where we give encouragement to those who find themselves leaving the faith. We talk about the really forbidden subjects. We talk about reason and thinking for oneself rather than turning one's life over to an external authority. And you're worried about Kayla and Brandon seeing naked bodies entwined together? Good. Keep thinking that way. We like it like that. Because that gives Kayla and Brandon the freedom to seek us out.
It is always dangerous to let kids know that there is something you do not want them to know about, and especially to make a big deal about it. All you've done is spark their curiosity. The problem is a lot of adults have forgotten what it is like to be curious about something--anything--and thus can't imagine the thrill of finding out something you didn't know before. Or they may have been raised in an environment that discourages curiosity and bought into that mindset without thinking too deeply about it. But a kid who is curious--and who hasn't had that natural impulse stifled--will find ways of satisfying their curiosity, whether openly or furtively. This mother is well on the way to encouraging the latter. Hmm, I wonder what is in that scene Mama keeps fast-forwarding--hey, she's not around, let's watch that DVD. Ah--the thrill of the forbidden!
If you were to ask people at my former church what is the biggest danger on the Internet today as far as kids are concerned, they would all say pornography and other sex-related sites. That just shows how unimaginative they are. Yes, these sites are a problem in many ways. BUT--if you are a parent or grandparent who sincerely and firmly believes that there is only one narrow way to salvation, that there is someone out there named Satan who is out to destroy your souls, I say pornography and sex sites are the very least of your problem.
The growing problem of unbelief is not talked about much in evangelical circles and my experience is that people do not want to talk about it. They'd rather ignore it, just as they'd rather ignore the existence of GLBT people in their midst. In my three years in the small evangelical church I never heard one sermon directed against gay people. The subject did not come up. That church, like many, exists on assumptions that few question. And one of the assumptions is that their children do not struggle with sexual/gender identity issues, do not struggle with faith issues.
In the past when young people (and not so young!) struggled with these issues, of being a square peg in a round hole, they were pretty much alone. Not so anymore. If you have a computer--and even those that homeschool have computers (how could they do so otherwise?)--and you know how to use a search engine, you can find fellow travelers fairly quickly. I am not aware of any software out there that blocks atheist or religious sites. That's because these sites are a well-kept secret. And I for one am not about to call my former church family's attention to their existence. As an agnostic it suits me just fine that parents are worried about sex sites because it diverts attention from the fact that we have forums where we openly talk about issues relating to faith and sexuality, where we give encouragement to those who find themselves leaving the faith. We talk about the really forbidden subjects. We talk about reason and thinking for oneself rather than turning one's life over to an external authority. And you're worried about Kayla and Brandon seeing naked bodies entwined together? Good. Keep thinking that way. We like it like that. Because that gives Kayla and Brandon the freedom to seek us out.
