The other day I was talking to a friend who is a small business owner about the haircut controversy. She is familar with that particular salon and let's just say that it is indeed a place which is definitely not in my income bracket nor in any of my neighbors' income bracket. So I am going to give in to the temptation to be a little catty and say that this appears to be a dispute between two comparatively well-off people, the kind that has considerable "discretionary money", and I've been around enough of them to know what some of them can be like. Money has a way of doing that to people, I've noticed. And the snootier you are to the general public the more exclusive you appear. So if it weren't for the fact that autism was dragged into this, I'd say all parties deserve each other.
My friend is concerned because this could easily happen to her and her business. She says that many times when she has gently asked parents to not let their children bounce on the furniture they look at her like "how dare you?" So she can easily see being made the villain of the piece should a child have a tantrum and be asked to leave. Like me she has no sympathy for the autism excuse. So I asked her point-blank, "if all you knew about autism and autistic people was stuff like that, would you hire someone on the spectrum?" I could tell she was not comfortable with the question, but finally she answered, "No." She would not, if that was her only experience and knowledge of autism. So you see, some of these "advocates" who insist that the general public just doesn't get it about autism, don't realize that the general public DOES get it about autism. And it is us, on the spectrum, who will pay the price. That little boy, now, his name has been paraded all over town, all over Facebook. There are people, I can tell you from personal experience, who have very long memories. I quit going to my class reunions because there was stuff that just would not die, not even after 25, 30 years. And that was BEFORE Facebook and Twitter. So 16, 17, 18 years from now he goes to get a job and someone says, "that name rings a bell. Oh, yeah, you were THAT kid . . ." And if this spa goes out of business as a result of the negative publicity, which may or may not happen, the owner's lawyer (yes, a lawyer's involved now!) may very well be crying wolf here, you bet that will come up at some point.
My friend brought up a very interesting comparison. Both she and I are old enough to remember when women were actively discriminated against because we were seen as emotionally unstable. We were not capable of controlling our monthly hormonal fluctuations. Some of you younger women may scoff. But I am telling the truth here. I remember back in the late 1960's, early 1970's--I believe it might have been when Shirley Chisholm was running for President, that people were openly saying that it would be a danger to the country should a woman be elected President. This was at the height of the Cold War. We women were not fit to occupy the Oval Office because--are you ready for this?--what if it was the "wrong time of the month" when we might be asked to make major decisions, such as pressing the button. I am absolutely dead serious about this. I know there are people on this forum who think that people are exaggerating when they talk about what it was like to be a woman pre-feminism. They can think what they like. I was there and I lived through it and I heard the discussions. I may have been a pre-teen then and seemingly not aware, but I had ears and I listened. I knew what was being said about women and their capabilities and how they were not suited for certain types of jobs. That was also right around the time when PMS (premenstrual syndrome) was making the headlines, and like autism today, was used to excuse all kinds of misbehavior. After all, we just couldn't help it. You know, funny thing, I haven't heard too much about PMS these days. But I remember when it was a really big deal.
I am really afraid that just like there were women who swallowed the BS about being incapable of taking on certain responsibilities because of their monthly cycles, there are those in the autism community and their supporters who have fallen for the line that autistic people are incapable of rising above their condition. That we are at the mercy of our bodies and our minds, and therefore special accomodation must be made for us. And society will do that. But that is all that we will get. We will not be taken seriously, we will not be allowed to have any real positions of power and responsibility, we will not be allowed to reach our full potential. Because we won't be seen as having any potential. We aren't now.
Why is it that the only time you hear of someone being autistic is when they misbehave? Why is it that parents never say when their child is standing quietly in the grocery store line under trying circumstances, "he or she has autism?" No, it is only our bad behavior that is highlighted. I think we need to start calling people out on that.
My friend is concerned because this could easily happen to her and her business. She says that many times when she has gently asked parents to not let their children bounce on the furniture they look at her like "how dare you?" So she can easily see being made the villain of the piece should a child have a tantrum and be asked to leave. Like me she has no sympathy for the autism excuse. So I asked her point-blank, "if all you knew about autism and autistic people was stuff like that, would you hire someone on the spectrum?" I could tell she was not comfortable with the question, but finally she answered, "No." She would not, if that was her only experience and knowledge of autism. So you see, some of these "advocates" who insist that the general public just doesn't get it about autism, don't realize that the general public DOES get it about autism. And it is us, on the spectrum, who will pay the price. That little boy, now, his name has been paraded all over town, all over Facebook. There are people, I can tell you from personal experience, who have very long memories. I quit going to my class reunions because there was stuff that just would not die, not even after 25, 30 years. And that was BEFORE Facebook and Twitter. So 16, 17, 18 years from now he goes to get a job and someone says, "that name rings a bell. Oh, yeah, you were THAT kid . . ." And if this spa goes out of business as a result of the negative publicity, which may or may not happen, the owner's lawyer (yes, a lawyer's involved now!) may very well be crying wolf here, you bet that will come up at some point.
My friend brought up a very interesting comparison. Both she and I are old enough to remember when women were actively discriminated against because we were seen as emotionally unstable. We were not capable of controlling our monthly hormonal fluctuations. Some of you younger women may scoff. But I am telling the truth here. I remember back in the late 1960's, early 1970's--I believe it might have been when Shirley Chisholm was running for President, that people were openly saying that it would be a danger to the country should a woman be elected President. This was at the height of the Cold War. We women were not fit to occupy the Oval Office because--are you ready for this?--what if it was the "wrong time of the month" when we might be asked to make major decisions, such as pressing the button. I am absolutely dead serious about this. I know there are people on this forum who think that people are exaggerating when they talk about what it was like to be a woman pre-feminism. They can think what they like. I was there and I lived through it and I heard the discussions. I may have been a pre-teen then and seemingly not aware, but I had ears and I listened. I knew what was being said about women and their capabilities and how they were not suited for certain types of jobs. That was also right around the time when PMS (premenstrual syndrome) was making the headlines, and like autism today, was used to excuse all kinds of misbehavior. After all, we just couldn't help it. You know, funny thing, I haven't heard too much about PMS these days. But I remember when it was a really big deal.
I am really afraid that just like there were women who swallowed the BS about being incapable of taking on certain responsibilities because of their monthly cycles, there are those in the autism community and their supporters who have fallen for the line that autistic people are incapable of rising above their condition. That we are at the mercy of our bodies and our minds, and therefore special accomodation must be made for us. And society will do that. But that is all that we will get. We will not be taken seriously, we will not be allowed to have any real positions of power and responsibility, we will not be allowed to reach our full potential. Because we won't be seen as having any potential. We aren't now.
Why is it that the only time you hear of someone being autistic is when they misbehave? Why is it that parents never say when their child is standing quietly in the grocery store line under trying circumstances, "he or she has autism?" No, it is only our bad behavior that is highlighted. I think we need to start calling people out on that.
