I have a cousin, I'll call him Luke, who I am pretty sure is on the spectrum. I don't know, however, because whatever Luke has is not to be discussed. As far as I know, he has never been diagnosed with anything. The family attitude is Luke is just Luke. He's different. That's just the way it is.
Luke is in his 40's and still lives with his parents, actually with his mother since his father died not long ago. He's never lived on his own, does not drive (or drives very little), works part-time. Somewhere along the line he did manage to get a college degree, but one that can't possibly be used in the community he lives in. Actually, I am using the word community very loosely. They are about as isolated as you can get in this state without living on an island. The nearest town is 25 miles away. The nearest hospital is 40. The area where they live is known for its fierce winter storms. Not a good place to live even if you do drive.
Now you might call this the tale of two autistics. Except, as my mother says, "Do not EVER suggest to Aunt Marcy that there is something wrong with Luke. Do not EVER mention autism to her." So, I don't.
While I was not formally labeled autistic, it was recognized early on that there was something not quite right with me, and I was subjected to intense behavior modification in order to get me to function correctly. I've written about that before so I'm not going to rehash it. Cousin Luke, however, was allowed to be Luke.
Forty years ago, if this forum had existed then, I might well have been one of the many complaining about how unfair life was and how I was being mistreated and nagged at (and worse). I would have been saying, "Why don't they all get off my back?" Well, they didn't, and I am glad. I just wish that it had been done a little more humanely and taking my feelings and desires more into account. But because people didn't get off my back, they didn't let me be me, like Luke was let to be Luke, I can face the prospect of my parents' passing without an "Oh, God, what do I do now, where do I go?" I will feel a lot of things when they go, but panic will not be one of them. They know and I know that no matter what has gone on between us, I can stand on my own two feet.
Not so Luke. Luke has had everything taken care of for him up to this point, and I mean everything. I don't know how he managed at school, except that he commuted (75 miles each way) and thus didn't have to face the stress of dorm living. If you are smart enough--and he is very intelligent--academics are easy. They were the least of my worries when I was in school. It was the other, practical things that threw me. So Luke has, or rather had, potential. There is no reason why he couldn't live on his own, except that he didn't want to and his parents weren't motivated. Everything was just fine as it was.
But now the train is on the tracks and is rushing towards them. When Aunt Marcy goes, Luke will be on his own. He will be abruptly thrust into a situation he has no idea how to cope with. His brother, Albert, has stated that he does not want to take care of Luke, and anyway, Albert lives in another state and has his own family to take care of. There aren't any other relatives except for my family--and they won't be stepping up to the plate either.
Luke has been provided for, however. His parents have set up a savings account--yes, that's right, a savings account, not an IRA, not a trust, not anything that provides a good rate of return and is protected. His father died without a will and it's a safe bet that his mother doesn't have one, either. Which means probate. At this point it has been a couple of years since his father died and his estate--small as it is--is still in probate. Which means nobody gets a dime until it's settled. They have also left Luke their house, way out in the middle of nowhere. Never mind that Luke has no clue how to maintain a house. Luke, you see, lives in a world entirely his own. Things like taxes--they don't affect him. Well, he's going to learn real fast.
At this point, unless a miracle occurs, I don't see a happy ending to Luke's story. It is very possible that the state will step in--say he gets sick or has an accident--and declare him incompetent to live on his own, and he will be sent to a nursing home against his will. Where that will be will depend on where there is an opening. Or, something will happen out at that house and his body will be found some time later. Luke and the people around him have been living in a fool's paradise. That paradise is about to end.
But--don't EVER suggest that Luke might have Asperger's or needs help!
Luke is in his 40's and still lives with his parents, actually with his mother since his father died not long ago. He's never lived on his own, does not drive (or drives very little), works part-time. Somewhere along the line he did manage to get a college degree, but one that can't possibly be used in the community he lives in. Actually, I am using the word community very loosely. They are about as isolated as you can get in this state without living on an island. The nearest town is 25 miles away. The nearest hospital is 40. The area where they live is known for its fierce winter storms. Not a good place to live even if you do drive.
Now you might call this the tale of two autistics. Except, as my mother says, "Do not EVER suggest to Aunt Marcy that there is something wrong with Luke. Do not EVER mention autism to her." So, I don't.
While I was not formally labeled autistic, it was recognized early on that there was something not quite right with me, and I was subjected to intense behavior modification in order to get me to function correctly. I've written about that before so I'm not going to rehash it. Cousin Luke, however, was allowed to be Luke.
Forty years ago, if this forum had existed then, I might well have been one of the many complaining about how unfair life was and how I was being mistreated and nagged at (and worse). I would have been saying, "Why don't they all get off my back?" Well, they didn't, and I am glad. I just wish that it had been done a little more humanely and taking my feelings and desires more into account. But because people didn't get off my back, they didn't let me be me, like Luke was let to be Luke, I can face the prospect of my parents' passing without an "Oh, God, what do I do now, where do I go?" I will feel a lot of things when they go, but panic will not be one of them. They know and I know that no matter what has gone on between us, I can stand on my own two feet.
Not so Luke. Luke has had everything taken care of for him up to this point, and I mean everything. I don't know how he managed at school, except that he commuted (75 miles each way) and thus didn't have to face the stress of dorm living. If you are smart enough--and he is very intelligent--academics are easy. They were the least of my worries when I was in school. It was the other, practical things that threw me. So Luke has, or rather had, potential. There is no reason why he couldn't live on his own, except that he didn't want to and his parents weren't motivated. Everything was just fine as it was.
But now the train is on the tracks and is rushing towards them. When Aunt Marcy goes, Luke will be on his own. He will be abruptly thrust into a situation he has no idea how to cope with. His brother, Albert, has stated that he does not want to take care of Luke, and anyway, Albert lives in another state and has his own family to take care of. There aren't any other relatives except for my family--and they won't be stepping up to the plate either.
Luke has been provided for, however. His parents have set up a savings account--yes, that's right, a savings account, not an IRA, not a trust, not anything that provides a good rate of return and is protected. His father died without a will and it's a safe bet that his mother doesn't have one, either. Which means probate. At this point it has been a couple of years since his father died and his estate--small as it is--is still in probate. Which means nobody gets a dime until it's settled. They have also left Luke their house, way out in the middle of nowhere. Never mind that Luke has no clue how to maintain a house. Luke, you see, lives in a world entirely his own. Things like taxes--they don't affect him. Well, he's going to learn real fast.
At this point, unless a miracle occurs, I don't see a happy ending to Luke's story. It is very possible that the state will step in--say he gets sick or has an accident--and declare him incompetent to live on his own, and he will be sent to a nursing home against his will. Where that will be will depend on where there is an opening. Or, something will happen out at that house and his body will be found some time later. Luke and the people around him have been living in a fool's paradise. That paradise is about to end.
But--don't EVER suggest that Luke might have Asperger's or needs help!
